The Shopkeeper Turned Gentleman | Page 9

the tailors to drink your health with.
MR. JOUR. How do you call me?
TAILS. My noble gentleman.
MR. JOUR. See what it is to be dressed like a person of quality! Go about all your life dressed like a citizen, and nobody will ever call you a "noble gentleman." (Giving some money.) This is for "My noble gentleman."
TAILS. We are greatly obliged to you, my lord.
MR. JOUR. Oh! oh! Wait a minute, my friends. "My lord" deserves something; it is no small thing to be "My lord." Here is what his lordship gives you.
TAILS. My lord, we shall go and drink your grace's health.
MR. JOUR. "Your grace!" Oh! oh! oh! Stay, don't go yet. "Your grace" to me! (_Aside_) Upon my word, if he goes as far as highness, he will have the whole purse. (_Aloud_) Take this for "Your grace."
TAILS. My lord, we most humbly thank you for your liberality.
MR. JOUR. He did well to stop. I should have given him all.
Second entry of the BALLET.
The FOUR ASSISTANTS _rejoice, dancing, at the generosity of_ MR. JOURDAIN.

ACT III.
SCENE I.--MR. JOURDAIN, TWO LACKEYS.
MR. JOUR. Follow me, that I may go and show my clothes about the town; and be very careful, both of you, to walk close to my heels, so that people may see that you belong to me.
LACK. Yes, Sir.
MR. JOUR. Just call Nicole. I have some orders to give her. You need not move; here she comes.

SCENE II.--MR. JOURDAIN, NICOLE, TWO LACKEYS.
MR. JOUR. Nicole!
NIC. What is it, Sir?
MR. JOUR. Listen.
NIC. (_laughing_). Hi, hi, hi, hi, hi.
MR. JOUR. What are you laughing at?
NIC. Hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi.
MR. JOUR. What does the hussy mean?
NIC. Hi, hi, hi. What a figure you cut! Hi, hi, hi.
MR. JOUR. Eh? What?
NIC. Ah! ah! my goodness! Hi, hi, hi, hi, hi.
MR. JOUR. What an impertinent jade! Are you laughing at me?
NIC. Oh no, Sir. I should be very sorry to do so. Hi, hi, hi, hi, hi.
MR. JOUR. I'll slap your face if you laugh again.
NIC. I can't help it, Sir. Hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi.
MR. JOUR. Will you leave off?
NIC. Sir; I beg your pardon, Sir; but you are so very comical that I can't help laughing. Hi, hi, hi.
MR. JOUR. Did you ever see such impudence?
NIC. You are so odd like that. Hi, hi.
MR. JOUR. I'll....
NIC. I beg of you to excuse me. Hi, hi, hi, hi.
MR. JOUR. Look here, if you laugh again ever so little, I swear I will give you a box on the ears such as you never had before in all your life.
NIC. Well, Sir, I have done. I won't laugh any more.
MR. JOUR. Mind you don't. You must for this afternoon clean....
NIC. Hi, hi.
MR. JOUR. You must clean thoroughly....
NIC. Hi, hi.
MR. JOUR. You must, I say, clean the drawing-room, and....
NIC. Hi, hi.
MR. JOUR. Again?
NIC. (_tumbling down with laughing_). There, Sir, beat me rather, but let me laugh to my heart's content. I am sure it will be better for me. Hi, hi, hi, hi, hi.
MR. JOUR. I am boiling with rage.
NIC. For pity's sake, Sir, let me laugh. Hi, hi, hi.
MR. JOUR. If I begin....
NIC. Si-r-r, I shall bur-r-st if I d-don't laugh. Hi, hi, hi.
MR. JOUR. But did you ever see such a hussy? She comes and laughs at me to my face, instead of attending to my orders.
NIC. What is it you wish me to do, Sir.
MR. JOUR. I want you to get this house ready for the company which is to come here by and by.
NIC. (_getting up_). Ah, well! All my wish to laugh is gone now; your company brings such disorder here that what you say is quite sufficient to put me out of temper.
MR. JOUR. I suppose that, to please you, I ought to shut my door against everybody?
NIC. Anyhow, you would do just as well to shut it against certain people, Sir.

SCENE III.--MRS. JOURDAIN, MR. JOURDAIN, NICOLE, TWO SERVANTS.
MRS. JOUR. Ah me! Here is some new vexation! Why, husband, what do you possibly mean by this strange get-up? Have you lost your senses that you go and deck yourself out like this, and do you wish to be the laughing-stock of everybody wherever you go?
MR. JOUR. Let me tell you, my good wife, that no one but a fool will laugh at me.
MRS. JOUR. No one has waited until to-day for that; and it is now some time since your ways of going on have been the amusement of everybody.
MR. JOUR. And who may everybody be, please?
MRS. JOUR. Everybody is a body who is in the right, and who has more sense than you. For my part, I am quite shocked at the life you lead. I don't know our home again. One would think, by what goes on, that it was one everlasting carnival here; and as