The School for Husbands | Page 7

husband; if not she
may choose elsewhere. If she can be happier without me, I do not
object; I prefer to see her with another husband rather than that her
hand should be given to me against her will.
SGAN. Oh, how sweet he is! All sugar and honey!
AR. At all events, that is my disposition; and I thank Heaven for it. I
would never lay down these strict rules which make children wish their
parents dead.
SGAN. But the liberty acquired in youth is not so easily withdrawn
later on; all those feelings will please you but little when you have to
change her mode of life.
AR. And why change it?
SGAN. Why?
AR. Yes.
SGAN. I do not know.
AR. Is there anything in it that offends honour?

SGAN. Why, if you marry her, she may demand the same freedom
which she enjoyed as a girl?
AR. Why not?
SGAN. And you so far agree with her as to let her have patches and
ribbons?
AR. Doubtless.
SGAN. To let her gad about madly at every ball and public assembly?
AR. Yes, certainly.
SGAN. And the beaux will visit at your house?
AR. What then?
SGAN. Who will junket and give entertainments?
AR. With all my heart.
SGAN. And your wife is to listen to their fine speeches?
AR. Exactly.
SGAN. And you will look on at these gallant visitors with a show of
indifference?
AR. Of course.
SGAN. Go on, you old idiot. (_To Isabella_). Get indoors, and hear no
more of this shameful doctrine.

SCENE III.--ARISTE, SGANARELLE, LÉONOR, LISETTE.
AR. I mean to trust to the faithfulness of my wife, and intend always to
live as I have lived.
SGAN. How pleased I shall be to see him victimized!
AR. I cannot say what fate has in store for me; but as for you, I know
that if you fail to be so, it is no fault of yours, for you are doing
everything to bring it about.
SGAN. Laugh on, giggler! Oh, what a joke it is to see a railer of nearly
sixty!
LEO. I promise to preserve him against the fate you speak of, if he is to
receive my vows at the altar. He may rest secure; but I can tell you I
would pass my word for nothing if I were your wife.
LIS. We have a conscience for those who rely on us; but it is delightful,
really, to cheat such folks as you.
SGAN. Hush, you cursed ill-bred tongue!
AR. Brother, you drew these silly words on yourself. Good bye. Alter
your temper, and be warned that to shut up a wife is a bad plan. Your

servant.
SGAN. I am not yours.

SCENE IV.--SGANARELLE, alone.
Oh, they are all well suited to one another! What an admirable family.
A foolish old man with a worn-out body who plays the fop; a
girl-mistress and a thorough coquette; impudent servants;--no, wisdom
itself could not succeed, but would exhaust sense and reason, trying to
amend a household like this. By such associations, Isabella might lose
those principles of honour which she learned amongst us; to prevent it,
I shall presently send her back again to my cabbages and turkeys.

SCENE V.--VALÈRE, SGANARELLE, ERGASTE.
VAL. (_Behind_). Ergaste, that is he, the Argus whom I hate, the stern
guardian of her whom I adore.
SGAN. (_Thinking himself alone_). In short, is there not something
wonderful in the corruption of manners now-a-days?
VAL. I should like to address him, if I can get a chance, and try to
strike up an acquaintance with him.
SGAN. (_Thinking himself alone_). Instead of seeing that severity
prevail which so admirably formed virtue in other days, uncontrolled
and imperious youth here-about assumes... (_Valère bows to Sganarelle
from a distance_).
VAL. He does not see that we bow to him.
ERG. Perhaps his blind eye is on this side. Let us cross to the right.
SGAN. I must go away from this place. Life in town only produces in
me...
VAL. (_Gradually approaching_). I must try to get an introduction.
SGAN. (_Hearing a noise_). Ha! I thought some one spoke...
(_Thinking himself alone_). In the country, thank Heaven, the
fashionable follies do not offend my eyes.
ERG. (_To Valère_). Speak to him.
SGAN. What is it?... my ears tingle... There, all the recreations of our
girls are but... (_He perceives Valère bowing to him_). Do you bow to
me?
ERG. (_To Valère_). Go up to him.

SGAN. (_Not attending to Valère_). Thither no coxcomb comes.
(_Valère again bows to him_). What the deuce!... (_He turns and sees
Ergaste bowing on the other side_). Another? What a great many bows!
VAL. Sir, my accosting you disturbs you, I fear?
SGAN. That may be.
VAL. But yet the honour