The Romancers | Page 9

I'll warrant they are cousins, too!
SYLVETTE. [Bowing] I am about to marry my cousin!
PERCINET. My cousin!
SYLVETTE. How nice and respectable!
PERCINET. Classic!
SYLVETTE. Of course, I had dreamed of a marriage more--but it is
comforting to know that our love coincides with our--duty!
PERCINET. And the material interests of our fathers.
SYLVETTE. An excellent marriage, in short: a marriage of
convenience! And our poor idyl!
PERCINET. Gone.
SYLVETTE. Gone! So I'm the good little girl of the family!
PERCINET. And I the obedient little son! But it was only as Romeo
that I appealed to you!
SYLVETTE. Well, you are no longer that!
PERCINET. And do you think you are Juliet?
SYLVETTE. Now you're bitter.
PERCINET. And you cynical.

SYLVETTE. If you were ridiculous, is it my fault?
PERCINET. I at least had a partner!
SYLVETTE. I, too! Poor Blue Bird, you are beautifully plucked!
PERCINET. [Bitterly] A pre-arranged abduction!
SYLVETTE. Farce, all of it!
PERCINET. And I your savior! All our poetry was bought and paid for.
Our beautiful bubble is now a tiny fleck of soap. Farewell,
Shakespearean lovers--we have nothing in common with you!
SYLVETTE. Nothing!
PERCINET. In place of a divine drama, we played an infamous parody.
SYLVETTE. Our nightingale was a sparrow!
PERCINET. And the immortal wall a punch-and-judy theater. We were
the puppets, worked by our fathers.
SYLVETTE. But how much more ridiculous we should be if we loved
each other less than we do!
PERCINET. We must now love more than ever.
SYLVETTE. But we do--we adore--
PERCINET. The word is not a bit too strong.
SYLVETTE. Love can console us. Can it not, my treasure?
PERCINET. Certainly, my jewel.
SYLVETTE. Good-bye then, my dearest.
PERCINET. Good-bye, my darling.

SYLVETTE. I shall dream of you, my heart.
PERCINET. And I of you.
SYLVETTE. Good-night. [She goes out.]
PERCINET. So this is how I have been treated!-- But who is this? See
the long moustaches--I don't know him--
[STRAFOREL enters and walks majestically toward PERCINET.]
STRAFOREL. [With a profound bow] I have come to collect a small
bill.
PERCINET. Are you an upholsterer?
STRAFOREL. Run along, young man, and tell your papa I am waiting
for him.
PERCINET. What is your name?
STRAFOREL. My name is Straforel.
PERCINET. [With a start] He?! This is too much!
STRAFOREL. [Smiling] Then you know, young man?
PERCINET. [Throwing the bill in STRAFOREL's face] Wretch! It was
you!
STRAFOREL. It was, Per Bacco!
PERCINET. I have you at last.
STRAFOREL. The people you kill, you see, are in the best of health.
PERCINET. [Drawing his sword and making a pass at STRAFOREL]
You will see!

STRAFOREL. [Parrying with his arm, like a fencing-master giving a
lesson] Hand high! Foot out! Monsieur, at your age, you should know
better than that! [He takes the sword from PERCINET with his naked
hand, and returns it as he bows.] What, are you stopping your
fencing-lesson so soon?
PERCINET. [Exasperated, as he takes back the sword] I'm going away.
Here I am treated like a child. I shall have my revenge. I am going to
seek my romance--true romance: love-affairs, duels, and--Ah, Don Juan,
I will scandalize your ghost! I will elope with actresses! [He dashes out,
brandishing his sword.]
STRAFOREL. Very well, but who is going to pay me? [Looking in the
distance] Stop there! Here's someone else.
[Enter BERGAMIN and PASQUINOT, their hair and clothes ruffled,
as if they had been fighting.]
PASQUINOT. [Readjusting his clothes and holding BERGAMIN's wig]
Here's your wig!
BERGAMIN. And here's yours!
PASQUINOT. After this, you can't imagine I'll--?
BERGAMIN. I would no more live with you now than--
[Enter SYLVETTE.]
PASQUINOT. My daughter!--Say nothing about this!
SYLVETTE. [Throwing her arms about her father's neck] Papa, I can't
marry Percinet!
[Enter the NOTARY and four WITNESSES.]
BERGAMIN. The witnesses! The devil!
WITNESSES. What--?

STRAFOREL. [In the midst of the tumult] My bill! Who is going to
pay me? Ninety pistoles!
[Enter the GUESTS and three FIDDLERS, who play.]
BERGAMIN. What's all this? The guests? Music?
[The FIDDLERS continue their minuet.]
STRAFOREL. [To BERGAMIN] Well?
BERGAMIN. See Pasquinot.
STRAFOREL. [Reading] "For the purposes of bringing about a
marriage--"
BERGAMIN. Well, there is to be no marriage! Therefore I owe you
nothing!
[Enter BLAISE.]
STRAFOREL. [To PASQUINOT] But, Monsieur--
PASQUINOT. What? Pay you now that it is broken off!
BERGAMIN. [To whom BLAISE has just whispered] My son--run
away?
SYLVETTE. Run away?
STRAFOREL. Well! Well!
BERGAMIN. Quick, follow him! [He runs out, followed by the
NOTARY and the WITNESSES.]
SYLVETTE. Gone!
STRAFOREL. [Coming down-stage] Why can't I straighten all this
out?

SYLVETTE. This is too much! [She goes out, followed by
PASQUINOT.]
STRAFOREL. Straforel, my son, if you want your ninety pistoles, you
must patch up this marriage! [He goes out. The three FIDDLERS, left
alone, continue their minuet,