The Reckoning | Page 2

more violently) I told you once I don't care what your friends were saying! I've got to be at that meeting at three-ten.
THE BARBER. Yes, sir.
THE CUSTOMER. My time is almost up. You'll have to hurry.
THE BARBER. (Slapping on more lather) Don't worry, sir. I always keep my promises. Why, I remember, sir, back in Savannah, when my poor daughter was alive, I promised--
THE CUSTOMER. (Interrupting angrily) I don't give a damn for your daughter!
THE BARBER. (Mildly) No, sir. I didn't think you did.
THE CUSTOMER. And your time is up.
THE BARBER. (Beginning to shave) Oh, no, sir! It hasn't begun.
THE CUSTOMER. (Starting) What do you mean?
THE BARBER. Don't do that again, sir! You don't know how near you came to cutting yourself!
THE CUSTOMER. You promised to finish with me in five minutes!
THE BARBER. No, sir, if you will allow me to contradict you, I did not.
THE CUSTOMER. You said you would shave me in five minutes.
THE BARBER. Yes, sir. That is correct.
THE CUSTOMER. And it's--
THE BARBER. Easy, sir, easy! The razor is sharp! (Shaving.) When I promised to shave you in five minutes, I didn't say anything about lathering. That takes several minutes by itself.
THE CUSTOMER. What?
THE BARBER. Now you've done it! (He applies styptic to a cut on THE CUSTOMER's face.) Smarts, doesn't it?
THE CUSTOMER. (Furious) You clumsy, awkward, conceited galoot!
THE BARBER. (With sudden and overwhelming rage) Don't talk to a gentleman like that! You cur! (With a sudden resumption of his obsequious manner.) I did it on purpose.
THE CUSTOMER. (Gasping) Wh-what do you mean?
THE BARBER. (Respectfully) You really mustn't accuse me of being clumsy, sir. I'm not clumsy. If I cut you, it was quite intentional--like this! (Cutting him a second time.)
THE CUSTOMER. Damnation! Are you crazy?
THE BARBER. (Applying the styptic) No, sir, I'm quite sane. (THE CUSTOMER tries to sit up.) Oh, don't do that, sir! Don't do that! My razor is frightfully sharp!
THE CUSTOMER. (Panic-stricken) I want to sit up!
THE BARBER. Don't try it while the razor is at your throat, sir. It is sure to be fatal.
THE CUSTOMER. Then take it away!
THE BARBER. Oh, no, no, no! When I am through shaving you--not before. Now take it easy, sir. Lie back quietly! Quietly! That's it.
THE CUSTOMER. (Controlling himself with an effort, and putting his cigar in his mouth) What are you going to do with me? What's this? A hold-up?
THE BARBER. What am I-- (With a sudden access of rage.) Take that filthy thing out of your mouth! (He snatches the cigar, and throws it to the floor; continues obsequiously.) What am I going to do with you, sir? Why, really, I haven't the slightest idea. Er--can't you suggest something?
THE CUSTOMER. (Quickly and earnestly) Listen to me. I must be at that meeting at once! I can't spare another minute. If I am not there before three-fifteen I will be ruined--do you understand me?--ruined!
THE BARBER. You needn't raise your voice, sir. My hearing is excellent. (He lathers again, keeping the razor near THE CUSTOMER's throat.)
THE CUSTOMER. (Piteously) Can't I convince you? I
THE BARBER. Oh, I believe you. Don't let that trouble you. In fact, I know all about the meeting. There's going to be an auction, and unless you bid, it will be all up with you.
THE CUSTOMER. Then you'll let me go there?
THE BARBER. I'm afraid I won't, sir.
THE CUSTOMER. But--
THE BARBER. If I may use your own words, sir, I don't give a damn about your meeting.
THE CUSTOMER. (Angrily) Who the devil do you think
THE BARBER. (Interrupting him by running the lather brush into his mouth) Oh, shut up! (There is a pause.)
THE CUSTOMER. I'll-I'll give you ten dollars to let me go.
THE BARBER. (Acting as if he did not hear) Beg pardon, sir?
THE CUSTOMER. (Taking the scarf-pin from the edge of his vest.) This scarf-pin--it's worth five hundred dollars--I'll give--
THE BARBER. (Raises his hand to his ear, knocking the pin out of THE CUSTOMER's hand) I don't hear well on this side. Try the other.
THE CUSTOMER. A thousand dollars! I'll give you a thousand dollars!
THE BARBER. I'm afraid it won't do, sir. You see, the young lady who runs the news stand up-stairs says--you won't interrupt me this time will you?--she says it's important to keep customers in sight. There's nothing so bad for trade as an empty shop.
THE CUSTOMER. Oh, have you no heart? It's almost too late now! Every second is worth a dollar to me!
THE BARBER. Well, sir, it will console you to know that my time is worth very little.
THE CUSTOMER. Please let me up! If I wait two minutes longer, I might as well shoot myself.
THE BARBER. I shan't object, sir.
THE CUSTOMER. Oh! Oh! Oh!
THE BARBER. So you are beginning to feel some regrets? I'm glad to see it. I always thought you'd regret sooner or later.