The Real Dope | Page 9

parlor and says I was wanted right away
and when I got to this room there was the Col. and the two Frenchmans
and my captain Capt. Seeley and a couple others so I saluted and I can't
tell you exactly what come off because I can't remember all what the
Colonel said but it was something like this.
In the first place he says "Corporal Keefe they's some little matters that
you have got to explain and we was going to pass them up first on the
grounds that Capt. Seeley said you probably didn't know no better but
this thing that come off this A. M. can't be explained by ignorants."
So then he says "It was reported that you was standing on deck the
night before last and you made the remark that we had a he--ll of a
censor ship." And he says "What did you mean by that?"
So you see Al this smart alex of a Lee had told me they called the first
ship the censor ship and I believed him at first because I was thinking
about something else or of course I never would of believed him
because the censor ship isn't no ship like this kind of a ship but means
something else. So I explained about that and I seen Capt. Seeley kind
of crack a smile so then I knew I was O. K.
So then he pulled it on me about speaking to Capt. Somebody of the
French army in the German language and of course they was only one
answer to that and you see the way it was Al all the time Smith was
pretending to learn us French he was learning us German and Lee put
him up to it but when the Colonel asked me what I meant by doing
such a thing as talk German why of course I knew in a minute that they
had been trying to kid me but at first I told the Colonel I couldn't of
said no German because I don't know no more German than Silk
O'Loughlin. Well the Frenchman was pretty sore and I don't know what
would of came off only for Capt. Seeley and he spoke up and said to
the Colonel that if he could have a few minutes to investigate he
thought he could clear things up because he figured I hadn't intended to
do nothing wrong and somebody had probably been playing jokes.
So Capt. Seeley went out and it seemed like a couple of yrs. till he
came back and he had Smith and Lee and Doran with him. So then

them 3 birds was up on the carpet and I'll say they got some panning
and when it was all over the Colonel said something about they being a
dam site to much kidding back and fourth going on and he hoped that
before long we would find out that this war wasn't no practicle joke and
he give Lee and Smith a fierce balling out and he said he would leave
Capt. Seeley to deal with them and he would report Doran to the proper
quarters and then he was back on me again and he said it looked like I
had been the innocent victim of a practicle joke but he says "You are so
dam innocent that I figure you are temperately unfit to hold on to a
corporal's warrant so you can consider yourself reduced to the ranks.
We can't have no corporals that if some comedian told them the
Germans was now one of our allies they would try and get in the
German trenches and shake hands with them."
Well Al when it was all over I couldn't hardly keep from laughing
because you see I come out of it O. K. and the laugh was on Smith and
Lee and Doran because I got just what I wanted because I never did
want to be a corporal because it meant I couldn't pal around with the
boys and be their pals and I never felt right when I was giveing them
orders because I would rather be just one of them and make them feel
like we were all equals.
Of course they wasn't no time on the whole trip when Lee or Doran or
Smith either one of them had me fooled because just to look at them
you would know they are the kind of smart alex that's always trying to
put something over on somebody only I figured two could play at that
game as good as one and I would kid them right back and give them as
good as they sent because I always figure that the game ain't over till
the ninth inning and the