The Ramblin Kid | Page 5

do-or-die tone said:
"We'll all go out where it's cool and hold a caucus and figure what
ought to be done."
"There ain't nothing we can do but surrender, as far as I can see,"
Parker observed gloomily as they gathered on the porch in front of the
house. "They seem plumb determined to arrive--"
"I've already give up hope," Old Heck answered, "but what will we do
with them when they get here? We can't just brand 'em and turn them
loose on the range."
"I make a motion we elect Skinny to ride herd on 'em!" Bert Lilly
suggested.
"Damned if I do!" Skinny exclaimed uneasily.
"It's a good idea," Parker said. "From all accounts the young one
expects to be made love to and if she ain't she'll probably be weeping
around all the time--"
"Well, I can't stand sobbin'!" Old Heck declared. "Any female is hard

enough to endure and one that gets to mourning is plumb distasteful!
"That's probably the best thing to do," he continued, "just appoint
Skinny to be official love-maker to Carolyn June while she's at the
Quarter Circle KT. It will probably save confusion--"
"I brought the telegram telling about them coming and I've done my
share," Skinny protested; "somebody else can be delegated to do the
love-making!"
"That's just the reason it ought to be your job," Old Heck argued; "you
went and got the telegram in the first place and are sort of responsible
for them being here."
"Aw, let th' Ramblin' Kid do it," Skinny pleaded, "he's an easy talker
and everything--"
The Ramblin' Kid straightened up and started for the gate.
"Where you going?"
"To catch Capt'n Jack," he drawled; "after that for a little ride down to
th' Pecos or over in Chihuahua somewhere a couple hundred miles. I
decline with enthusiasm to fall in love on th' spur of th' moment for any
damned outfit!"
"You come on back," Parker called, "Skinny'll have to do it. He can
have all his time for it and just pretend he's in love and sort of entertain
her. He don't need to go and do it in earnest. Come on back, you darned
chump, I need you on the beef hunt!"
"What'll I have to do?" Skinny asked cautiously.
"Just set on the front porch with her at night and make your eyes roll up
like a calf's that's being branded and kind of sigh heart-broken once in a
while," Bert volunteered. "It'll be easy when you get used to it--"
"If you know so much about it why don't you enlist yourself?" Skinny
asked irritably. "Some of you fellows go on and volunteer," he pleaded

dolefully.
"I would in a minute," Chuck chipped in, "if I was good-looking like
Skinny and had a white shirt--"
"What's a white shirt got to do with it?"
"Listen to the innocent child," Chuck laughed, "as if any darned fool
didn't know that the first thing a professional love-maker has to have is
a white shirt!"
"That settles it," Skinny declared with emphasis, "I won't wear a white
shirt to make love to no blamed woman--"
"Chuck's locoed," the Ramblin' Kid interposed; "you don't need to have
no white shirt--of course it would be better but it ain't downright
necessary--women don't fall in love with shirts, it's what's inside of
them."
"Where did you find out so much about women?" Bert queried.
"I didn't find out--I'm just guessin'--"
"There ain't no use arguing," Old Heck broke in. "Skinny will have to
be expert love-maker for that Carolyn June niece of mine--I'll allow
him ten dollars a month more wages while he's doing it. I ain't going to
have her writing letters to her pa and telling him she didn't have no
conveniences or nothing. Anyhow, she's young and I reckon it's sort of
necessary."
"What about th' other one--Ophelia Cobb or whoever she is?" Bert Lilly
asked.
"She's past the age for it, probably," Parker said uneasily.
"They don't pass it," the Ramblin' Kid interrupted laconically; "when
females get too old to want to be made love to they die--"
"I'd like to know where in hell a juvenile like you got your education

about women!" Bert insisted to the Ramblin' Kid.
"I ain't got none--I'm just guessing I told you," the other replied, "but
it's the truth, anyhow."
"Well, if I've got to make love to the young one Old Heck or Parker or
somebody's got to do it for the other one," Skinny declared positively.
"Ophelia don't need it," Old Heck said hastily, "she's a widow and has
done been--"
"Widows are th' worst," the Ramblin' Kid drawled; "they've had
experience an' don't like to give it up."
"Th' Ramblin' Kid's right," Chuck broke in. "I read a book once that
said