The Puritain Widow | Page 4

Simon St. Mary Overies,
Frailty, Serving-men to the Lady Plus. Sir Oliver Muck-hill, a Suitor to
the Lady Plus. Sir John Penny-Dub, a Suitor to Moll. Sir Andrew
Tipstaff, a Suitor to Frances. The Sheriff of London. Puttock,
Ravenshaw, Two of the Sheriffs Sergeants. Dogson, a Yeoman. A
Noble-man. A Gentleman Citizen. Officers.
ACTUS PRIMUS.

Scene I. A Garden behind the widow's house.
[Enter the Lady Widdow-Plus, her two daughters Frank and Moll, her
husband's Brother an old Knight Sir Godfrey, with her Son and heir
Master Edmond, all in mourning apparel, Edmond in a Cyrpess Hat.
The Widdow wringing her hands, and bursting out Into passion, as
newly come from the Burial of her husband.
WIDOW. Oh, that ever I was borne, that ever I was borne!
SIR GODFREY. Nay, good Sister, dear sister, sweet sister, be of good
comfort; show your self a woman, now or never.
WIDOW. Oh, I have lost the dearest man, I have buried the sweetest
husband that ever lay by woman.
SIR GODFREY. Nay, give him his due, he was indeed an honest,
virtuous, Discreet, wise man,--he was my Brother, as right as right.
WIDOW. O, I shall never forget him, never forget him; he was a man
so well given to a woman--oh!
SIR GODFREY. Nay, but, kind Sister, I could weep as much as any
woman, but, alas, our tears cannot call him again: me thinks you are
well read, Sister, and know that death is as common as Homo, a
common name to all men:--a man shall be taken when he's making
water.--Nay, did not the learned Parson, Master Pigman, tell us e'en
now, that all Flesh is frail, we are borne to die, Man ha's but a time:
with such like deep and profound persuasions, as he is a rare fellow,
you know, and an excellent Reader: and for example, (as there are
examples aboundance,) did not Sir Humfrey Bubble die tother day?
There's a lusty Widdow; why, she cried not above half an hour--for
shame, for shame! Then followed him old Master Fulsome, the Usurer:
there's a wise Widdow; why, she cried ne'er a whit at all.
WIDOW. O, rank not me with those wicked women: I had a husband
Out-shined 'em all.
SIR GODFREY. Aye, that he did, yfaith: he out-shined 'em all.
WIDOW. Doost thou stand there and see us all weep, and not once
shed a tear for thy father's death? oh, thou ungratious son and heir,
thou!
EDMOND. Troth, Mother, I should not weep, I'm sure; I am past a
child, I hope, to make all my old School fellows laugh at me; I should
be mocked, so I should. Pray, let one of my Sisters weep for me. I'll
laugh as much for her another time.

WIDOW. Oh, thou past-Grace, thou! out of my sight, thou graceless
imp, thou grievest me more than the death of thy Father! oh, thou
stubborn only son! hadst thou such an honest man to thy Father--that
would deceive all the world to get riches for thee--and canst thou not
afford a little salt water? he that so wisely did quite over-throw the
right heir of those lands, which now you respect not: up every morning
betwixt four and five; so duly at Westminster Hall every Term-Time,
with all his Cards and writings, for thee, thou wicked Absolon-- oh,
dear husband!
EDMOND. Weep, quotha? I protest I am glad he's Churched; for now
he's gone, I shall spend in quiet.
FRANCES. Dear mother, pray cease; half your Tears suffice. Tis time
for you to take truce with your eyes; Let me weep now.
WIDOW. Oh, such a dear knight! such a sweet husband have I lost,
have I lost!--If Blessed be the coarse the rain rains upon, he had it
pouring down.
SIR GODFREY. Sister, be of good cheer, we are all mortal our selves.
I come upon you freshly. I near speak without comfort, hear me what I
shall say:--my brother ha's left you wealthy, y'are rich.
WIDOW. Oh!
SIR GODFREY. I say y'are rich: you are also fair.
WIDOW. Oh!
SIR GODFREY. Go to, y'are fair, you cannot smother it; beauty will
come to light; nor are your years so far enter'd with you, but that you
will be sought after, and may very well answer another husband; the
world is full of fine Gallants, choice enow, Sister,--for what should we
do with all our Knights, I pray, but to marry rich widows, wealthy
Citizens' widows, lusty fair-browed Ladies? go to, be of good comfort,
I say: leave snobbing and weeping--Yet my Brother was a kind hearted
man--I would not have the Elf see me now!--Come, pluck up a
woman's heart--here stands your Daughters, who be well estated, and at
maturity will also be enquir'd after with good