The Prisoner of Zenda | Page 3

thousand thanks!" I murmured.
"He's to have an Embassy in six months, and Robert says he is sure that
he'll take you as an attache. Do take it, Rudolf--to please me."
Now, when my sister-in-law puts the matter in that way, wrinkling her
pretty brows, twisting her little hands, and growing wistful in the eyes,
all on account of an idle scamp like myself, for whom she has no
natural responsibility, I am visited with compunction. Moreover, I
thought it possible that I could pass the time in the position suggested
with some tolerable amusement. Therefore I said:
"My dear sister, if in six months' time no unforeseen obstacle has arisen,
and Sir Jacob invites me, hang me if I don't go with Sir Jacob!"
"Oh, Rudolf, how good of you! I am glad!"
"Where's he going to?"

"He doesn't know yet; but it's sure to be a good Embassy."
"Madame," said I, "for your sake I'll go, if it's no more than a beggarly
Legation. When I do a thing, I don't do it by halves."
My promise, then, was given; but six months are six months, and seem
an eternity, and, inasmuch as they stretched between me and my
prospective industry (I suppose attaches are industrious; but I know not,
for I never became attache to Sir Jacob or anybody else), I cast about
for some desirable mode of spending them. And it occurred to me
suddenly that I would visit Ruritania. It may seem strange that I had
never visited that country yet; but my father (in spite of a sneaking
fondness for the Elphbergs, which led him to give me, his second son,
the famous Elphberg name of Rudolf) had always been averse from my
going, and, since his death, my brother, prompted by Rose, had
accepted the family tradition which taught that a wide berth was to be
given to that country. But the moment Ruritania had come into my
head I was eaten up with a curiosity to see it. After all, red hair and
long noses are not confined to the House of Elphberg, and the old story
seemed a preposterously insufficient reason for debarring myself from
acquaintance with a highly interesting and important kingdom, one
which had played no small part in European history, and might do the
like again under the sway of a young and vigorous ruler, such as the
new King was rumoured to be. My determination was clinched by
reading in The Times that Rudolf the Fifth was to be crowned at
Strelsau in the course of the next three weeks, and that great
magnificence was to mark the occasion. At once I made up my mind to
be present, and began my preparations. But, inasmuch as it has never
been my practice to furnish my relatives with an itinerary of my
journeys and in this case I anticipated opposition to my wishes, I gave
out that I was going for a ramble in the Tyrol--an old haunt of
mine--and propitiated Rose's wrath by declaring that I intended to study
the political and social problems of the interesting community which
dwells in that neighbourhood.
"Perhaps," I hinted darkly, "there may be an outcome of the
expedition."

"What do you mean?" she asked.
"Well," said I carelessly, "there seems a gap that might be filled by an
exhaustive work on--"
"Oh! will you write a book?" she cried, clapping her hands. "That
would be splendid, wouldn't it, Robert?"
"It's the best of introductions to political life nowadays," observed my
brother, who has, by the way, introduced himself in this manner several
times over. Burlesdon on Ancient Theories and Modern Facts and The
Ultimate Outcome, by a Political Student, are both works of recognized
eminence.
"I believe you are right, Bob, my boy," said I.
"Now promise you'll do it," said Rose earnestly.
"No, I won't promise; but if I find enough material, I will."
"That's fair enough," said Robert.
"Oh, material doesn't matter!" she said, pouting.
But this time she could get no more than a qualified promise out of me.
To tell the truth, I would have wagered a handsome sum that the story
of my expedition that summer would stain no paper and spoil not a
single pen. And that shows how little we know what the future holds;
for here I am, fulfilling my qualified promise, and writing, as I never
thought to write, a book--though it will hardly serve as an introduction
to political life, and has not a jot to do with the Tyrol.
Neither would it, I fear, please Lady Burlesdon, if I were to submit it to
her critical eye--a step which I have no intention of taking.
CHAPTER 2
Concerning the Colour of Men's Hair

It was a maxim of my Uncle William's that