The Princess Elopes | Page 4

that what-d'-ye-call-it that hedges
in a king. Having mingled with English-speaking people, she returned
to her native land, her brain filled with the importance of feminine
liberty of thought and action. Hence, she became the bramble that
prodded the grand duke whichever way he turned. His days were filled
with horrors, his nights with mares which did not have box-stalls in his
stables.
Never could he anticipate her in anything. On that day he placed guards
around the palace she wrote verses or read modern fiction; the moment
he relaxed his vigilance she was away on some heart-rending escapade.
Didn't she scandalize the nobility by dressing up as a hussar and riding
her famous black Mecklenburg cross-country? Hadn't she flirted
outrageously with the French attaché and deliberately turned her back

on the Russian minister, at the very moment, too, when negotiations
were going on between Russia and Barscheit relative to a small piece of
land in the Balkans? And, most terrible of all to relate, hadn't she
ridden a shining bicycle up the Königsstrasse, in broad daylight, and in
bifurcated skirts, besides? I shall never forget the indignation of the
press at the time of this last escapade, the stroke of apoplexy which
threatened the duke, and the room with the barred window which the
princess occupied one whole week.
They burned the offensive bicycle in the courtyard of the palace,
ceremoniously, too, and the princess had witnessed this solemn auto da
fé from her barred window. It is no strain upon the imagination to
conjure up the picture of her fine rage, her threatening hands, her
compressed lips, her tearless, flashing eyes, as she saw her beautiful
new wheel writhe and twist on the blazing fagots. But what the deuce
was a poor duke to do with a niece like this?
For a time I feared that the United States and the Grand Duchy of
Barscheit would sever diplomatic relations. The bicycle was,
unfortunately, of American make, and the manufacturers wrote to me
personally that they considered themselves grossly insulted over the
action of the duke. Diplomatic notes were exchanged, and I finally
prevailed upon the duke to state that he held the wheel harmless and
that his anger had been directed solely against his niece. This letter was
duly forwarded to the manufacturers, who, after the manner of their
kind, carefully altered the phrasing and used it in their magazine
advertisements. They were so far appeased that they offered me my
selection from the private stock. Happily the duke never read anything
but the Fliegende Blätter and Jugend, and thus war was averted.
Later an automobile agent visited the town--at the secret bidding of her
Highness--but he was so unceremoniously hustled over the frontier that
his teeth must have rattled like a dancer's castanets. It was a great
country for expeditiousness, as you will find, if you do me the honor to
follow me to the end.
So the grand duke swore that his niece should wed Doppelkinn, and the
princess vowed that she would not. The man who had charge of my

horses said that one of the palace maids had recounted to him a
dialogue which had taken place between the duke and his niece. As I
was anxious to be off on the road I was compelled to listen to his
gossip.
THE GRAND DUKE--In two months' time you shall wed the Prince of
Doppelkinn.
THE PRINCESS--What! that old red-nose? Never! I shall marry only
where I love.
THE GRAND DUKE--Only where you love! (Sneers.) One would
think, to hear you talk, that you were capable of loving something.
THE PRINCESS--You have yet to learn. I warn you not to force me. I
promise to do something scandalous. I will marry one of the people--a
man.
THE GRAND DUKE--Bah! (Swears softly on his way down to the
stables.)
But the princess had in her mind a plan which, had it gone through
safely, would have added many grey hairs to the duke's scanty
collection. It was a mighty ingenious plan, too, for a woman to figure
out.
In his attitude toward the girl the duke stood alone. Behind his back his
ministers wore out their shoes in waiting on the caprices of the girl,
while the grand duchess, half-blind and half-deaf, openly worshiped her
wilful but wholly adorable niece, and abetted her in all her escapades.
So far as the populace was concerned, she was the daughter of the
favorite son, dead these eighteen years, and that was enough for them.
Whatever she did was right and proper. But the hard-headed duke had
the power to say what should be what, and he willed it that the Princess
Hildegarde should marry his old comrade in arms, the Prince of
Doppelkinn.

II
As I have already remarked, I used