The Pretentious Young Ladies | Page 6

me that if we had
been the meanest persons in the world, we could not have been treated
worse?
DU. CR. You seem to take it greatly to heart.
LA. GR. No doubt I do; so much so, that I am resolved to be revenged
on them for their impertinence. I know well enough why they despise
us. Affectation has not alone infected Paris, but has also spread into the
country, and our ridiculous damsels have sucked in their share of it. In
a word, they are a strange medley of coquetry and affectation. I plainly
see what kind of persons will be well received by them; if you will take
my advice, we will play them such a trick as shall show them their folly,
and teach them to distinguish a little better the people they have to deal
with.
DU. CR. How can you do this?
LA. GR. I have a certain valet, named Mascarille, who, in the opinion
of many people, passes for a kind of wit; for nothing now-a-days is
easier than to acquire such a reputation. He is an extraordinary fellow,
who has taken it into his head to ape a person of quality. He usually
prides himself on his gallantry and his poetry, and despises so much the
other servants that he calls them brutes.
DU. CR. Well, what do you mean to do with him?
LA. GR. What do I mean to do with him? He must ... but first, let us be
gone.

SCENE II.--GORGIBUS, DU CROISY, LA GRANGE.
GORG. Well, gentlemen, you have seen my niece and my daughter.
How are matters going on? What is the result of your visit?
LA. GR. They will tell you this better than we can. All we say is that
we thank you for the favour you have done us, and remain your most
humble servants.
DU. CR. Your most humble servants.
GORG. (_Alone_). Hoity-toity! Methinks they go away dissatisfied.
What can be the meaning of this? I must find it out. Within there!

SCENE III.--GORGIBUS, MAROTTE.
MAR. Did you call, sir?
GORG. Where are your mistresses?
MAR. In their room.
GORG. What are they doing there?
MAR. Making lip salve.
GORG. There is no end of their salves. Bid them come down.
(_Alone_). These hussies with their salves have, I think, a mind to ruin
me. Everywhere in the house I see nothing but whites of eggs, lac
virginal, and a thousand other fooleries I am not acquainted with. Since
we have been here they have employed the lard of a dozen hogs at least,
and four servants might live every day on the sheep's trotters they use.

SCENE IV.---MADELON, CATHOS, GORGIBUS.
GORG. Truly there is great need to spend so much money to grease
your faces. Pray tell me, what have you done to those gentlemen, that I
saw them go away with so much coldness. Did I not order you to
receive them as persons whom I intended for your husbands?
MAD. Dear father, what consideration do you wish us to entertain for
the irregular behaviour of these people?
CAT. How can a woman of ever so little understanding, uncle,
reconcile herself to such individuals?
GORG. What fault have you to find with them?
MAD. Their's is fine gallantry, indeed. Would you believe it? they
began with proposing marriage to us.
GORG. What would you have them begin with--with a proposal to
keep you as mistresses? Is not their proposal a compliment to both of
you, as well as to me? Can anything be more polite than this? And do
they not prove the honesty of their intentions by wishing to enter these
holy bonds?
MAD. O, father! Nothing can be more vulgar than what you have just
said. I am ashamed to hear you talk in such a manner; you should take
some lessons in the elegant way of looking at things.
GORG. I care neither for elegant ways nor songs. I tell you marriage is
a holy and sacred affair; to begin with that is to act like honest people.
[Footnote: The original has a play on words. Madelon says, in
addressing her father, _vous devriez un pen vous faire apprendre le bel

air des choses_, upon which he answers, _je n'ai que faire ni d'air ni de
chanson_. Air means tune as well as look, appearance.]
MAD. Good Heavens! If everybody was like you a love-story would
soon be over. What a fine thing it would have been if Cyrus had
immediately espoused Mandane, and if Aronce had been married all at
once to Clélie.
[Footnote: Cyrus and Mandane are the two principal characters of
Mademoiselle de Scudéry's novel _Artamene, on the Grand Cyrus_;
Aronce and _Clélie_ of the novel _Clélie_, by the same author.]
GORG. What is