The Pot Boiler | Page 5

it yourself. But you've got to start him off differently----(The whistle blows.)
Will. Oh, hell!
Peggy. Wait, dear. (Exit Left, calls down shaft.) Lower, please. No--I said lower. There--not too low! (Enters with can.) All right! Now, our troubles are over. Listen, dear. If you really want to write, you've got to think about your audience, and what they like. Just see, to begin with, you've left out the most important thing in any play--whether it's a high-brow tragedy or Third Avenue melodrama.
Will. What's that?
Peggy. The love interest.
Will. That's to come in the second act.
Peggy. Why the second act?
Will. That's where Jack meets the heroine. I can't have two love-stories!
Peggy. My dear boy, you can have a dozen, if you've wit enough to get them in.
Will. With only one hero?
Peggy. Good Lord, Will! Didn't you ever love any woman but me?
Will (disconcerted). But, Peggy----
Peggy. Didn't you?
Will. Why--you know----
Peggy. Of course I know! You were engaged to an heiress when you ran away and married an actress. Why don't you put the heiress into this play?
Will. Gladys?
Peggy. Gladys was her name, I believe. How did she act when you told her that you loved me best? A cold, proud beauty, ready to die before she'd let you know she cared! And isn't that exactly what your audience is looking for? Exactly their idea of a princess of plutocracy! And still you waste your time with a sister! Who the deuce cares anything about a sister?
Will. Look here, Peggy. You'd better write this play!
Peggy. I've been thinking about it, ever since you first told me the idea. Draw up your chair, and let me show you what I mean. (_The Play-play begins to appear_.) There's Bob and Jessie, the same as before; but also there's Gladys. I want a quite different atmosphere from what you had. It's afternoon, and Gladys is serving tea, and she handles the situation in tea-party fashion. Give me some paper and let me sketch the dialogue. (_She begins to write rapidly. Full light on the Play-play. Will makes secret exit_.)
Gladys. I'm waiting with a good deal of interest.
Bob. For what?
Gladys. I'm wondering how long it will be before it occurs to Jack to ask what I think of this plan of his.
Jessie. I hope you'll make him give it up, Gladys!
Gladys. Your suggestion is out of date, dear. The modern young man doesn't give up his ideas at the request of his fiancee.
Jessie. Tell him what you think, at least!
Gladys. You don't take sugar, Bob? Don't you see that he hasn't been interested in what I think? He has acquired some new interests. He's going to learn about the reality of life!
Jack (enters, in afternoon coat). Gladys, that's not fair!
Gladys. Will you have tea, Jack?
Jack. You know I'm up against it.
Gladys. One lump or two, Jack?
Jack. I got into a scrape at college--
Gladys. Too strong for you, Jack? No, don't make these pretences with me. You can get rid of me without going hoboing.
Jessie. How can you talk so?
Gladys. Such an ingenious compliment! In order to avoid having to see or hear from his fiancee for six months, he is willing to go and stay among the dirtiest and most disgusting people!
Jack. You are angry with me!
Bob. You ought to realize, Gladys--this will be the making of Jack.
Gladys. Suppose it will be the making of something I don't want? Suppose I'd prefer him as he is?
Bob. You don't care for him to know about life?
Gladys. I don't care for him to know about low life. I don't see at all why he can't be content with the life of ladies and gentlemen.
Jack. I thought you'd be proud to have me interested in deeper things.
Gladys. Jack, you are young and care-free. It made me happy just to see you--you were the very spirit of youth! But now you will grow serious, you will be pale, and have a frown upon your forehead. You will be eternally preaching, like Bob, here--and you will bore me to death!
Jack. You are making fun of me!
Gladys. I am perfectly serious, I assure you. My romance is dead!
Jack. You don't mean--
Gladys. I mean Jack, that I have lost you!
Jack (tries to catch her hand). You shan't say such a thing!
Gladys. Jack, such violent motions are dangerous at tea-parties. You might ruin my costume!
Jack. If you feel like that, I won't go at all!
Bob. Oho! Already!
Gladys. Go on with your adventure, Jack. And don't try to make a tragedy out of our parting--you know how I hate scenes. It would be impossible for me to love a serious man--the mere thought of it terrifies me! Go on! Go on--I absolutely insist!
Jack (desperately). All right then! If that's the way you take it, I'll go! (rushes off Left.)
Jessie. Gladys, I think it's horrid of you to behave