The Poetical Works of George MacDonald, vol 1 | Page 4

for the friendly eye; Fearing to touch,
scarce daring even to wonder At what he saw, until he found his sire;
But gathered to his bosom, straight he is The heir of all; he knows it
'mid his tears. And so with me: not having seen Him yet, The light rests
on me with a heaviness; All beauty wears to me a doubtful look; A
voice is in the wind I do not know; A meaning on the face of the high
hills Whose utterance I cannot comprehend. A something is behind
them: that is God. These are his words, I doubt not, language strange;
These are the expressions of his shining thoughts; And he is present,
but I find him not. I have not yet been held close to his heart. Once in
his inner room, and by his eyes Acknowledged, I shall find my home in

these, 'Mid sights familiar as a mother's smiles, And sounds that never
lose love's mystery. Then they will comfort me. Lead me to Him.
_Robert (pointing to the Crucifix in a recess_). See, there is God
revealed in human form!
_Julian (kneeling and crossing_). Alas, my friend!--revealed--but as in
nature: I see the man; I cannot find the God. I know his voice is in the
wind, his presence Is in the Christ. The wind blows where it listeth;
And there stands Manhood: and the God is there, Not here, not here!
(Pointing to his bosom.) [_Seeing Robert's bewildered look, and
changing his tone_--]
You do not understand me. Without my need, you cannot know my
want. You will all night be puzzling to determine With which of the old
heretics to class me. But you are honest; will not rouse the cry Against
me. I am honest. For the proof, Such as will satisfy a monk, look here!
Is this a smooth belt, brother? And look here! Did one week's scourging
seam my side like that? I am ashamed to speak thus, and to show
Things rightly hidden; but in my heart I love you, And cannot bear but
you should think me true. Let it excuse my foolishness. They talk Of
penance! Let them talk when they have tried, And found it has not even
unbarred heaven's gate, Let out one stray beam of its living light, Or
humbled that proud I that knows not God! You are my friend:--if you
should find this cell Empty some morning, do not be afraid That any ill
has happened.
Robert.] Well, perhaps 'Twere better you should go. I cannot help you,
But I can keep your secret. God be with you. [Goes.
Julian. Amen.--A good man; but he has not waked, And seen the
Sphinx's stony eyes fixed on him. God veils it. He believes in Christ, he
thinks; And so he does, as possible for him. How he will wonder when
he looks for heaven! He thinks me an enthusiast, because I seek to
know God, and to hear his voice Talk to my heart in silence; as of old
The Hebrew king, when, still, upon his bed, He lay communing with
his heart; and God With strength in his soul did strengthen him, until In

his light he saw light. God speaks to men. My soul leans toward him;
stretches forth its arms, And waits expectant. Speak to me, my God;
And let me know the living Father cares For me, even me; for this one
of his children.-- Hast thou no word for me? I am thy thought. God, let
thy mighty heart beat into mine, And let mine answer as a pulse to
thine. See, I am low; yea, very low; but thou Art high, and thou canst
lift me up to thee. I am a child, a fool before thee, God; But thou hast
made my weakness as my strength. I am an emptiness for thee to fill;
My soul, a cavern for thy sea. I lie Diffused, abandoning myself to
thee.... --I will look up, if life should fail in looking. Ah me! A stream
cut from my parent-spring! Ah me! A life lost from its father-life!

SCENE II.--_The refectory. The monks at table. A buzz of
conversation_. ROBERT _enters, wiping his forehead, as if he had just
come in_.
Stephen (_speaking across the table_). You see, my friend, it will not
stand to logic; Or, if you like it better, stand to reason; For in this
doctrine is involved a cause Which for its very being doth depend
Upon its own effect. For, don't you see, He tells me to have faith and I
shall live! Have faith for what? Why, plainly, that I shall Be saved from
hell by him, and ta'en to heaven; What is salvation else? If I believe,
Then he will save