The Noble Lord | Page 3

June.
HE. Oh, were you? (Sagely.) That's better yet.
SHE. Do you think so--Lord Brookfield?
HE. (Surprised--or simulating it effectively.) Eh?
SHE. Lord Brookfield?
HE. How on earth did you know it?
SHE. (With a laugh) Oh, I am not so stupid as all that!
HE. You recognized me?
SHE. No. I have never seen you.
HE. A photo?
SHE. No.
HE. Then how did you know? . . .
SHE. (Interrupting) Lord Brookfield is a well-known man. The papers said he was coming to the hotel. I knew every other guest----
HE. But three or four others arrived this morning.
SHE. Americans.
HE. Oh!
SHE. You are English. I could see that right away.
HE. (After a pause) How clever of you!
SHE. Oh, Lord Brookfield!
HE. And how curious that I should meet you in this way--informal, so to speak.
SHE. (Laughing) Odd, wasn't it? (She rises.) Ugh!--how my clothes are sticking to me!
HE. That's so. You had better change.
SHE. And you?
HE. I'm rather wet myself.
SHE. Will you take me back to the hotel?
HE. The sun is very hot here.
SHE. (Instantly changing) Oh, would you rather stay?
HE. (Does not answer for a few seconds. Then, a little abruptly) Tell me: can you swim?
SHE. (Startled) Eh?
HE. Can you swim?
SHE. Lord Brookfield! Of course I can't!
HE. That's curious.
SHE. Curious?
HE. Neither can I.
SHE. (Staggered, but returning to the attack with magnificent self-possession) Oh, but you swam splendidly! Clothes and all! All the way from the other side of the lake!
HE. Did I?
SHE. Of course you did! One plunge, and a few magnificent overhand strokes. . . . (She notices his peculiar expression, and hesitates.)
HE. (Thoughtfully) Plunge?
SHE. Why, certainly.
HE. (Shaking his head) I would have sworn I waded.
SHE. (Laughing uneasily) You are really too modest, Lord Brookfield.
HE. Let's see. (He picks up his coat, and shakes it out.) Of course, I might have swum, but--Ah! the water line comes only as far as the waist!
SHE. That means nothing.
HE. No? (Feeling his head.) If I had plunged, my hair would have been wet.
SHE. It dried in the sun.
HE. Ah, yes! But my cigarettes! (Taking one from the case.)
SHE. The case is waterproof.
HE. Still, the matches are wet. (Producing the box from his trouser pocket, and trying to strike one.) You see?
SHE. (With a forced laugh) Lord Brookfield, don't deny that you saved my life!
HE. That is what I am trying to do.
SHE. (Frigidly) I beg your pardon?
HE. I jumped in without thinking. It was the natural thing to do: I heard you scream for help. But the moment the water came to my waist I knew that if it went any deeper I should have to call for help also.
SHE. Well?
HE. I was spared that humiliation: the pond isn't over three feet deep in any place. And I waded the whole twenty feet from one end to the other. . . . And I can't swim.
SHE. But I was drowning! Drowning!
HE. (Politely) Are you in the habit of drowning often?
SHE. (Rising indignantly) Lord Brookfield!
HE. I nearly forgot to mention----
SHE. What?
HE. That I saw you jump in.
SHE. Oh!
HE. It was pleasant while it lasted, wasn't it? And romantic! Why, romantic doesn't begin to describe it! (Imitating) "Mother, kiss me!"
SHE. Oh, how can you?
HE. Unconscious--helpless--and you didn't remember! Not even the shoes. That was clever--very clever! And the hands trying to pull you down to the bottom: that was the touch of genius! (He pauses with a smile.) Ah, well, I was willing to have a little fun. (A man is heard whistling a popular song in the distance. He listens attentively.)
SHE. (After a pause) You played with me--played with me. Oh, you're disgusting! Revolting! What a thing for a man to do! I thought---- (She breaks off.)
HE. (Encouraging her to continue) Yes?
SHE. Nothing. . . . (Then, seeing no reason to restrain herself.) I thought Lord Brookfield was a gentleman!
HE. Oh, but I'm not.
SHE. Not a gentleman?
HE. No. . . . I'm not Lord Brookfield.
SHE. Not Lord Brookfield?
HE. No.
SHE. Then who on earth are you?
HE. (Sweetly) I? I'm a friend of his.
SHE. A friend?
HE. A close friend--very close.
SHE. Who? Who?
HE. (Leisurely) I'm not related, you know, but I see a lot of him. We're thick--very thick.
SHE. (un patiently) Who are you?
HE. (Simply) I'm his valet.
SHE. (Horrified) Oh! . . . And you kissed me! A valet! You dared kiss me!
HE. At your request.
SHE. (Almost choking with rage) But a valet! A valet!
HE. I'm a good valet. One of the best there is.
SHE. Your insolence! Oh! (She seizes the handkerchief which he has left on the log, and wipes her mouth furiously.)
HE. My handkerchief.
SHE. (Throwing it to the ground) Oh, you coward! You. . . . You (She sits on the log, inarticulate with rage. The whistle is heard again.)
HE. Listen to me.
SHE. I won't.
HE. (Earnestly) Listen to me.
SHE. I don't want to talk to you!
HE. I'll help you.
SHE. (Rising) I don't want your help.
HE.