The Newcomes | Page 6

Newcome snuggling by my side, his father opposite, to
whom, after a minute or two of conversation, I presented my three
college friends.
"You have come here, gentlemen, to see the wits," says the Colonel.
"Are there any celebrated persons in the room? I have been
five-and-thirty years from home, and want to see all that is to be seen."
King of Corpus (who was an incorrigible wag) was on the point of
pulling some dreadful long-bow, and pointing out a halfdozen of
people in the room, as R. and H. and L., etc., the most celebrated wits
of that day; but I cut King's shins under the table, and got the fellow to
hold his tongue.
"Maxima debetur pueris," says Jones (a fellow of very kind feeling,
who has gone into the Church since), and, writing on his card to
Hoskins, hinted to him that a boy was in the room, and a gentleman,
who was quite a greenhorn: hence that the songs had better be carefully

selected.
And so they were. A ladies' school might have come in, and, but for the
smell of the cigars and brandy-and-water, have taken no harm by what
happened. Why should it not always be so? If there are any "Caves of
Harmony" now, I warrant Messieurs the landlords, their interests would
be better consulted by keeping their singers within bounds. The very
greatest scamps like pretty songs, and are melted by them; so are
honest people. It was worth a guinea to see the simple Colonel, and his
delight at the music. He forgot all about the distinguished wits whom
he had expected to see in his ravishment over the glees.
"I say, Clive, this is delightful. This is better than your aunt's concert
with all the Squallinis, hey? I shall come here often. Landlord, may I
venture to ask those gentlemen if they will take any refreshment? What
are their names?" (to one of his neighbours). "I was scarcely allowed to
hear any singing before I went out, except an oratorio, where I fell
asleep; but this, by George, is as fine as Incledon!" He became quite
excited over his sherry-and-water-("I'm sorry to see you, gentlemen,
drinking brandy-pawnee," says he; "it plays the deuce with our young
men in India.") He joined in all the choruses with an exceedingly sweet
voice. He laughed at "The Derby Ram" so that it did you good to hear
him; and when Hoskins sang (as he did admirably) "The Old English
Gentleman," and described, in measured cadence, the death of that
venerable aristocrat, tears trickled down the honest warrior's cheek,
while he held out his hand to Hoskins and said, "Thank you, sir, for that
song; it is an honour to human nature." On which Hoskins began to cry
too.
And now young Nadab, having been cautioned, commenced one of
those surprising feats of improvisation with which he used to charm
audiences. He took us all off, and had rhymes pat about all the principal
persons in the room: King's pins (which he wore very splendid),
Martin's red waistcoat, etc. The Colonel was charmed with each feat,
and joined delighted with the chorus--"Ritolderol ritolderol
ritolderolderay" (bis). And when, coming to the Colonel himself, he
burst out--

"A military gent I see--And while his face I scan, I think you'll all agree
with me--He came from Hindostan. And by his side sits laughing
free--A youth with curly head, I think you'll all agree with me--That he
was best in bed. Ritolderol," etc.
--the Colonel laughed immensely at this sally, and clapped his son,
young Clive, on the shoulder. "Hear what he says of you, sir? Clive,
best be off to bed, my boy--ho, ho! No, no. We know a trick worth two
of that. 'We won't go home till morning, till daylight does appear.' Why
should we? Why shouldn't my boy have innocent pleasure? I was
allowed none when I was a young chap, and the severity was nearly the
ruin of me. I must go and speak with that young man--the most
astonishing thing I ever heard in my life. What's his name? Mr. Nadab?
Mr. Nadab, sir, you have delighted me. May I make so free as to ask
you to come and dine with me to-morrow at six? Colonel Newcome, if
you please, Nerot's Hotel, Clifford Street. I am always proud to make
the acquaintance of men of genius, and you are one, or my name is not
Newcome!"
"Sir, you do me hhonour," says Mr. Nadab, pulling up his shirt-collar,
"and perhaps the day will come when the world will do me
justice,--may I put down your hhonoured name for my book of
poems?"
"Of course, my dear sir," says the enthusiastic Colonel; "I'll send them
all over India. Put me down for