The Mysteries of Paris, vol 3 | Page 5

out of his head.'"

"And forty sous a-head out of his pocket," said Chalamel.
"Well done! the first chemist was right who said: 'Bitter as Calomel!'"
"Seriously, I believe that the governor is sick."
"For ten days past, he is scarcely to be recognized. His cheeks are so
hollow, that you might thrust in your fist."
"And he is so absent-minded, that it is curious to see him. The other
day he took off his glasses to read a deed; his eyes were red as live
coals."
"He was right; short reckonings make long friends."
"For heaven's sake, don't cut me with your saws. I tell you, gentlemen,
that it is very singular. It was upside down."
"Which was upside down?--the deed or the governor? It is singular, as
you say. What the devil was he doing in that position? I should think it
would have given him the apoplexy, unless his habits, as you say, have
changed very suddenly."
"How wearisome you are, Chalamel! I mean that it was the deed which
I presented wrong end foremost."
"How wild he must have been!"
"Not at all; he didn't even perceive it. He looked at it for ten minutes,
with his bloodshot eyes fixed upon it, and then he gave it back to me,
saying: 'Quite correct.'"
"Still upside down?"
"Still."
"How could he have read the deed?"
"He couldn't, unless he can read upside down."

"No man can do that."
"He looked so gloomy and savage, that I dared not open my lips, and I
went away as if nothing had happened."
"I have got something to tell you. Four days ago I was in the office of
the head clerk, and in come one client, two clients, three clients, with
whom the governor had made an appointment. They waited impatiently,
and requested me to go and rap at the door of the study. I rapped, and,
receiving no answer, I walked in."
"Well, what did you see?"
"M. Ferrand lying upon his arms, which were placed upon the table,
and his bald head uncovered. He did not stir."
"He was asleep, probably."
"I thought so. I approached him, and said: 'There are some clients
outside, who wish to see you.' He did not move. 'M. Ferrand!' No reply.
At length I touched his shoulder, and he started up as if the devil had
bitten him. His motion was so sudden, that his big glasses fell off from
his nose, and I saw--you never can believe it--"
"Out with it. What did you see?"
"Tears!"
"Nonsense!"
"Isn't he a queer bird?"
"The governor weep! Get out of the way!"
"When you see him cry, ladybirds will play on the French horn!"
"And monkeys chew tobacco!"
"Pshaw! your nonsense won't prevent me from knowing what I saw

with my own eyes. I tell you I saw him as I have described."
"What! weeping?"
"Yes, weeping. And after that, he was wroth at being caught in such a
lachrymose condition, and sung out to me: 'Go away--go away!' 'But,
sir.--' 'Go away, I tell you!' 'There are some clients in the office, with
whom you have made an appointment, sir, and--' 'I haven't the time to
see them. Let them go to the devil, and you with them.' Thereupon he
arose, as furious as he could be, and looked so much as if he would
kick me out at the door, that I didn't wait for the compliment, but
hooked it, and told the clients to leave also. They didn't look greatly
pleased, I assure you; but for the reputation of the office, I told them
that the governor had caught the whooping-cough."
This conversation was now interrupted by the entrance of the principal
clerk, who came in as if pressed with business. His appearance was
hailed by a general acclamation, and all eyes were turned toward the
turkey.
"Without being uncivil, my lord, I must say that you have detained us
from breakfast for a long time," said Chalamel. "You must look out, for
the next time our appetites won't be under such good control."
"It is not my fault, I assure you; I was more impatient than you are--the
governor must be mad!"
"That's what I have been saying."
"But the madness of the governor ought not to keep us from eating."
"It should have the opposite effect."
"We can talk just as well with our mouths full."
"A thousand times better," said the office-boy.
Chalamel was carving the turkey, and he said to the principal clerk:
"What reason have you for thinking that the governor is crazy?"

"We were inclined to think that he had become perfectly stupid, when
he agreed to give us forty sous per head for our daily breakfast."
"I confess that I was as much surprised as you