The Mirror of Kong Ho | Page 9

arranged despite the
mercenary opposition of the Maidens Blank.
This person had already learned by experience that dogs are rarely if
ever exposed for sale in the stalls of the meat venders, the reason
doubtless being that they are articles of excessive luxury and reserved
by law for the rich and powerful. Those kept by private persons are
generally closely guarded when they approach a desirable condition of
body, and the hound Hercules would not prove an attractive dish to
those who had known him in life. Nevertheless, it is well said, "The
Great Wall is unsurmountable, but there are many gaps through," and
that same evening I was able to carry the first part of my

well-intentioned surprise into effect.
The matter now involves one named Herbert, who having exchanged
gifts of betrothal with a maiden staying at the house, was in the habit of
presenting himself openly, when he was permitted to see her, after the
manner of these barbarians. (Yet even of them the more discriminating
acknowledge that our customs are immeasurably superior; for when I
explained to the aged father of the Maidens Blank that among us the
marriage rites are irrevocably performed before the bride is seen
unveiled by man, he sighed heavily and exclaimed that the parents of
this country had much to learn.)
The genial-minded Herbert had already acquired for himself the
reputation of being one who ceaselessly removes the gravity of others,
both by word and action, and from the first he selected this obscure
person for his charitable purpose to a most flattering extent. Not only
did he--on the pretext that his memory was rebellious--invariably greet
me as "Mr. Hong Kong," but on more than one occasion he insisted,
with mirth-provoking reference to certain details of my unbecoming
garments, that I must surely have become confused and sent a Mrs.
Hong Kong instead of myself, and frequently he undermined the
gravity of all most successfully by pulling me backwards suddenly by
the pigtail, with the plea that he imagined he was picking up his
riding-whip. This attractive person was always accompanied by a
formidable dog--of convex limbs, shrunken lip, and suspicious
demeanour--which he called Influenza, to the excessive amusement of
those to whom he related its characteristics. For some inexplicable
reason from the first it regarded my lower apparel as being unsuitable
for the ordinary occasions of life, and in spite of the low hissing call by
which its master endeavoured to attract its attention to himself, it
devoted its energies unceasingly to the self-imposed task of removing
them fragment by fragment. Nevertheless it was a dog of favourable
size and condition, and it need not therefore be a matter for surprise
that when the intellectual person Herbert took his departure on the day
in question it had to be assumed that it had already preceded him.
Having accomplished so much, this person found little difficulty in
preparing it tastefully in his own apartment, and making the

substitution on the following day.
Although his mind was confessedly enlarged at the success of his
venture, and his hopes most ornamentally coloured at the thought of the
adorable one's gratified esteem when she discovered how expertly her
wishes had been carried out, this person could not fail to notice that the
Maiden Blank was also materially agitated when she distributed the
contents of the dish before her.
"Will you, of your enlightened courtesy, accept, and overlook the
deficiencies of, a portion of rabbit-pie, O high-souled Mr. Kong?" she
inquired gracefully when this insignificant person was reached, and,
concealing my many-hued emotion beneath an impassive face, I bowed
agreeably as I replied, "To the beggar, black bread is a royal course."
"WHAT pie did you say, dear?" whispered another autumnal maiden,
when all had partaken somewhat, and at her words a most consistently
acute silence involved the table.
"I--I don't quite know," replied the one of the upper end, becoming
excessively devoid of complexion; and restraining her voice she
forthwith sent down an attending slave to inquire closely.
At this point a person of degraded ancestry endeavoured to remove the
undoubted cloud of depression by feigning the nocturnal cry of the
domestic cat; but in this he was not successful, and a maiden opposite,
after fixedly regarding a bone on her plate, withdrew suddenly,
embracing herself as she went. A moment later the slave returned,
proclaiming aloud that the dish which had been prepared for the
occasion had now been accidentally discovered by the round-bodied
cook beneath the cushions of an arm-chair (a spot by no means
satisfactory to this person's imagination had the opportunities at his
disposal been more diffuse).
"What, then, is this of which we have freely partaken?" cried they
around, and, in the really impressive silence which followed, an
inopportune person discovered