The Mirror of Kong Ho | Page 6

was not likely to terminate in a manner
satisfactory to himself; so that, leaving this place with a few
well-chosen phrases of intolerable regret in his own tongue, he entered
another, and conducted himself in a like fashion. . . . Towards evening,
with an unperturbed exterior, but materially afflicted elsewhere, this
person seated himself within the eleventh tea-shop, and, pointing first
towards his own constituents of digestion, then at the fire, and lastly in
an upward direction, thereby signified to any not of stunted intellect
that he had reached such a condition of mind and body that he was
ready to consume whatever the ruling deities were willing to allot,
whether boiled, baked, roast, or suspended from a skewer. In this
resolve nothing would move him, until--after many maidens had
approached with outstretched hands and gestures of despair--there
presently entered a person wearing the helmet of a warrior and the
manner of a high official, who spoke strongly, yet persuasively, of the
virtues of immediate movement and a quiet and reposeful bearing.
Assuredly a people who devote so little attention to the study of food,
and all matters connected with it, must inevitably remain barbaric,
however skilfully they may feign a superficial refinement. It is said,
although I do not commit this matter to my own brush, that among
them are more books composed on subjects which have no actual
existence than on cooking, and, incredible as it may appear, to be
exceptionally round-bodied confers no public honour upon the
individual. Should a favourable occasion present itself, there are many
who do not scruple to jest upon the subject of food, or, what is
incalculably more depraved, upon the scarcity of it.
Nevertheless, there are exceptions of a highly distinguished radiance.
Among these must be accounted one into whose presence this person
was recently led by our polished and harmonious friend Quang-Tsun,
the merchant in tea and spices. This versatile person, whose
business-name is spoken of as Jones Bob-Jones, is worthy of all
benignant respect, and in a really enlightened country would doubtless

be raised to a more exalted position than that of a breaker of outsides
(an occupation difficult to express adequately in the written language of
a country where it is unknown), for his face is like the sun setting in the
time of harvest, his waist garment excessive, and the undoubted
symmetry of his middle portions honourable in the extreme. So
welcome in my eyes, after witnessing an unending stream of concave
and attenuated barbarian ghosts, was the sight of these perfections of
Jones Bob-Jones, that instead of the formal greeting of this Island--the
unmeaning "How do you do it?"--I shook hands cordially with myself,
and exclaimed affectionately in our own language, "Illimitable felicities!
How is your stomach?"
"Well," replied Jones Bob-Jones, after Quang-Tsun had interpreted this
polite salutation to his understanding, "since you mention it, that's just
the trouble; but I'm going on pretty well, thanks. I've tried most of the
advertised things, and now my doctor has put me practically on a
bread-and-water course--clear soup, boiled fish, plain joint, no sweets,
a crumb of cheese, and a bare three glasses of Hermitage."
During this amiable remark (of which, as it is somewhat of a technical
nature, I was unable to grasp the contained significance until the
agreeable Quang-Tsun had subsequently repeated it several times for
my retention), I maintained a consistent expression of harmonious
agreement and gratified esteem (suitable, I find, for all like occasions),
and then, judging from the sympathetic animation of Jones Bob-Jones's
countenance, that it had not improbably been connected with food, I
discreetly introduced the subject of sea-snails, preserved in the essence
of crushed peaches, by courteously inquiring whether he had ever
partaken of such a delicacy.
"No," replied the liberal-minded person, when--encouraged by the
protruding eagerness of his eyes at the mention of the viand--I had
further spoken of the refined flavour of the dish, and explained the
manner of its preparation. "I can't say that I have, but it sounds
uncommonly good--something like turtle, I should imagine. I'll see if
they can get it for me at Pimm's."
This filial tribute goes by a trusty hand, in the person of one Ki Nihy,

who is shortly committing himself to the protection of his ancestors and
the voracity of the unbounded Bitter Waters; and with brightness and
gold it will doubtless reach you in the course of twelve or eighteen
moons. The superstitious here, this person may describe, when they
wish to send messages from one to another, inscribe upon the outer
cover a written representation of the one whose habitation they require,
and after affixing a small paper talisman, drop it into a hole in the
nearest wall, in the hope that it may be ultimately conveyed to the
appointed