The Mind the Paint Girl | Page 5

feel jolly grateful that we're mixing the breed for them a bit. Look at the two lads who've married Gwennie Harker and Maidie Trevail-- Kinterton and Glenroy; and Fawcus-- Sir George Fawcus-- Eva Shafto's husband; they haven't a chin or a forehead between 'em, and their chests are as narrow as a ten-inch plank.
MRS. UPJOHN.
Quite true.
ROPER.
Farncombe himself, he's inclined to be weedy. I maintain it's a grand thing for our English nobs that their slips of sons have taken to marrying young women of the stamp of Maidie Trevail and Gwennie Harker-- or Lil; keen-witted young women full of the joy of life, with strong frames, beautiful hair and fine eyes, and healthy pink gums and big white teeth. Sneer at the Pandora girls! Great Scot, it's my belief that the Pandora girls'll be the salvation of the aristocracy in this country in the long run!
[CAPTAIN NICHOLAS JEYES lounges in. He is a man of about five-and-thirty, already slightly grey-haired, who has gone to seed. ROPER sits in the chair in the middle of the room rather guiltily and MRS. UPJOHN puts on a propitiatory grin.
JEYES.
[Nodding to MRS. UPJOHN and ROPER as he closes the door.] Afternoon, Mrs. Upjohn. How'r'you, Roper?
MRS. UPJOHN.
Ah, Captain!
ROPER.
Hullo, Nicko!
JEYES.
[Advancing.] Lily not in?
MRS. UPJOHN.
No; she's in Fitzroy Street, settin' to Morgan.
JEYES.
[Frowning.] Why didn't she ask me to go with her?
MRS. UPJOHN.
Dun'no, I'm sure. She's took Miss Birch.
JEYES.
[With a grunt.] Oh? [Looking round.] Flowers.
MRS. UPJOHN.
'Eaps of 'em, ain't there?
ROPER.
[Jerking his head towards the writing-table.] Yes, and some nice presents over here.
MRS. UPJOHN.
She's beat 'er record this year, Lil 'as, out an' out.
[JEYES goes to the writing-table and ROPER and MRS. UPJOHN rise and wander away, the former to the conservatory, the latter to the settee by the piano.
JEYES.
[Scowling at the presents.] Very nice. [Picking up a case of jewellery.] Ve-ry nice. [Throwing the case down angrily.] Confound 'em, what the devil do they take her for!
ROPER.
[At the entrance to the conservatory.] I may remark that one of those gifts is from me, Jeyes.
JEYES.
Oh, I'm not alluding to you.
ROPER.
[Stiffly.] Much obliged.
JEYES.
[Coming forward and addressing MRS. UPJOHN.] I've called in to ask Lily whether she'll come out to supper with me to-night, to Catani's, to celebrate her birthday. Luigi's decorating a table for me specially. Mr. and Mrs. Linthorne'll come, and Jack Wethered. [To ROPER.] Are you free, Roper? [MRS. UPJOHN sits uneasily on the settee by the piano and ROPER finds some object to interest him near the tea-table.] I suppose it's no good asking you, Mrs. Upjohn?
MRS. UPJOHN.
N-n-o, thank you, Captain, and I-- I'm afraid----
JEYES.
Afraid----?
MRS. UPJOHN.
I'm afraid Lil can't manage it either.
JEYES.
Why not?
MRS. UPJOHN.
I-- I'm surprised she didn't mention it to you 'erself when you brought 'er 'ome last night.
JEYES.
Mention what?
MRS. UPJOHN.
They're givin' 'er a supper to-night at the theatre.
JEYES.
The theatre?
ROPER.
[Advancing.] Yes, Carlton's standing a little spread in the foyer, in honour of the occasion. [Sitting at the tea-table.] Quite right too; she's his best asset, and chance it.
JEYES.
When was it fixed up?
ROPER.
Late last night.
JEYES.
The fact is, Lily and I had a slight tiff coming home last night. [Sitting on the settee in front of the writing-table.] Ha! I suppose she kept it from me to pay me out. [Sharply.] Who's invited?
ROPER.
Er-- only the principal members of the Company, I understand.
MRS. UPJOHN.
[Moistening her lips with her tongue.] Yes, only the members of the Company, Lil says.
ROPER.
With Morrie Cooling and Vincent Bland thrown in.
JEYES.
[Looking at ROPER.] You seem to know a lot about it, Roper.
ROPER.
I was behind when Morrie was going round to the dressing-rooms.
JEYES.
[To ROPER, suspiciously.] Are you asked?
ROPER.
[Taken aback.] E--eh?
JEYES.
Are you asked?
ROPER.
[With an attempt at airiness.] Oh, yes, they've dragged me into it.
JEYES.
Since when have you been a member of the Company?
ROPER.
No, but-- dash it, I've done business for Carlton in the City for twenty years or more----!
JEYES.
That doesn't make you one.
ROPER.
And I'm an old friend of Lil's.
JEYES.
Not older than I. [Violently.] Why the blazes doesn't Smythe invite me?
ROPER.
[Extending his arms.] My dear Nicko, I'm not giving the party. Really, you do jump down a man's throat----!
JEYES.
Sorry, sorry, sorry. [Leaning back and thrusting his hands into his pocket.] Well, I'll put Jack and the Linthornes off. They don't want to sup with me; I shouldn't amuse 'em. [Gazing at the carpet.] Her birthday, though! It'll be the first time I shall have been out of that for-- how many years?-- six years. I---- [Raising his head, he detects MRS. UPJOHN and ROPER eyeing each other uncomfortably.] Anything the matter?
ROPER.
T-t-the matter?
JEYES.
[Taking his hands from his pockets and sitting upright.] Any game on?
MRS. UPJOHN.
Game?
JEYES.
At my expense?
MRS. UPJOHN.
I dun'no wot you're drivin' at, Captain.
JEYES.
[Harshly.] How long's Lily sitting this afternoon?
MRS. UPJOHN.
Till five.
JEYES.
[Looking at his watch.] What's Morgan's number in Fitzroy Street?
MRS. UPJOHN.
Sixty.
JEYES.
[Rising.] I'll fetch her.
[As he makes a movement towards the door, it is thrown open and LILY PARRADELL