The Mind the Paint Girl | Page 9

at six.
MRS. UPJOHN.
[Calling to JEYES from the tea-table.] Captain, ain't you goin' to 'ave any tea?
JEYES.
[Moodily examining the presents on the writing-table.] No, thank you, Mrs. Upjohn.
BLAND.
[To JIMMIE, after she has been helped to milk.] Sugar?
JIMMIE.
Two lumps.
ROPER.
[Pushing BLAND and DE CASTRO aside, imitating a female voice.] Ices, sweets or chocolates, full piano-score!
JIMMIE.
[Cutting a slice of cake.] Lal, the world 'ud be a much happier place to live in if Lloyd George taxed your jokes.
VON RETTENMAYER, BLAND, and DE CASTRO. [Returning to the tea-table.] Ha, ha, ha, ha!
LILY.
[To FARNCOMBE, who remains standing near her.] Seen our show at the Pandora?
FARNCOMBE.
[Gazing at her.] Twenty-three times.
LILY.
Not really?
FARNCOMBE.
This week and last, every night.
LILY.
[Running her eye over him.] You in the Guards, by any chance?
FARNCOMBE.
[Nodding.] Yes.
LILY.
[Smiling.] Ah, you'll never do a braver deed than seeing our show twenty-three times.
JIMMIE.
[As ROPER leaves her to go to the table, her mouth full of cake.] Boys! [Choking.] Heugh, heugh, heugh! Wait a minute; I've swallowed some of the Baron's German. [Gulping.] B-oys, seriously-- no rot-- [raising her tea-cup] jolly good health to Lily! [There is a cry of approbation from BLAND, VON RETTENMAYER, DE CASTRO and ROPER. FARNCOMBE fetches himself a cup of tea from the tea-table.] She's a white woman, Lily is-- the staunchest, truest pal, where she takes a liking----
BLAND, VON RETTENMAYER, DE CASTRO, AND ROPER.
Hear, hear!
MRS. UPJOHN.
[Pressing forward through the men and going to LILY.] And the best daughter breathing. [Embracing LILY and then turning to the others.] D'ye notice the new dress I'm wearin' this afternoon?
LILY.
Don't, mother; don't.
MRS. UPJOHN.
Fifteen guineas it's cost her. [Sitting in the chair on the extreme left, proudly.] Madame Godolphin made it, and a 'at to go with it ong sweet.
LILY.
[To MRS. UPJOHN.] Hu-s-s-sh!
JIMMIE.
Well---- [sipping her tea as if drinking a toast] in a cup of tea!
BLAND, DE CASTRO, AND ROPER.
[Sipping their tea.] In a cup o' tea!
VON RETTENMAYER.
[Drinking.] In a gob o' dea!
JIMMIE.
[To VON RETTENMAYER, mockingly.] Gob o' dea!
LILY.
[Waving her hand.] Thank you, Jimmie. Thank you, dear boys, from the bottom of my heart.
JIMMIE.
[To the men.] By Jove, she saved me once from going home to a cheap lodging and taking a dose of rat-killer!
VON RETTENMAYER.
[Behind ROPER and DE CASTRO, peeping over their shoulders.] A pidy-- a gread pidy.
JIMMIE.
[To VON RETTENMAYER.] I'll attend to you presently, Baron.
LILY.
[To JIMMIE.] I remember. A wretched little shrimp you looked that day.
JIMMIE.
[To everybody.] It was my first morning at the Pandora. They'd had me up from Harrogate in a hurry, to take Gwennie Harker's place. I'd been playing her part in the Number Two Co. in the country; and she'd left 'em in a hole, to get married to a stupid lord---- [To FARNCOMBE, finding him standing near her.] Sorry. I was to have only one rehearsal; [clenching her fist] and, oh, didn't they treat me abominably! Miss Ensor was late and we were all hanging about on the stage, waiting for her. I've never felt so cold in my life, or so lonely. Not a word of welcome, not a nod, from a single soul; simply a blank stare occasionally from a haughty beauty with a curled lip! And at last, when I was on the point of howling, I became conscious that somebody was watching me-- a tall, pretty thing in a lavender frock----
DE CASTRO.
[Sitting in the chair in the middle of the room.] Lil.
JIMMIE.
I caught her eye, and she came straight over to me and sat down beside me. "Shaky?" she said. "A corpse," I said. And she quietly laid hold of my hand and held it till Dolly Ensor condescended to stroll in. And when I got up I asked her who she was, and she told me. "Oh, my God," I said, "I'll never forget your kindness! Why, of course, you're the 'Mind the Paint' girl----!"
ROPER, DE CASTRO, AND VON RETTENMAYER.
[Singing.] "Mind the paint! Mind the paint! Tra, lal, la, lal, la, lal, la, lal, la, lal, tra, la, la, la----!"
[BLAND seats himself at the piano and thumps out the air of the refrain of "Mind the Paint." The three men, mouthing the time silently, wave their arms, and LILY'S head and body move from side to side.
BLAND.
[With a groan.] Ugh! Is there anything more ancient than a four-year-old comic song? [Playing a few bars of the melody of the song.] Shade of Nineveh and all the buried cities!
ROPER, VON RETTENMAYER, AND DE CASTRO.
[To LILY, coaxingly.] Lily! Goddess! Lil!
LILY.
[Shaking her head.] Oh, boys, it's gone. [Pressing temples.] I couldn't----
[BLAND plays the introductory symphony and then pauses. Then she sings, he accompanying her. In a moment or two, the song comes back to her readily and she gives it with great witchery and allurement. JEYES starts up and goes to the window in the wall on the right and looks out.
LILY.
[Singing.]
I've a very charming dwelling, (You know where without