The Merry Wives of Windsor | Page 4

well; but I shall as soon quarrel at it as any man in England. You are afraid, if you see the bear loose, are you not?
ANNE. Ay, indeed, sir.
SLENDER. That's meat and drink to me now. I have seen Sackerson loose twenty times, and have taken him by the chain; but I warrant you, the women have so cried and shrieked at it that it passed; but women, indeed, cannot abide 'em; they are very ill-favoured rough things.
[Re-enter PAGE.]
PAGE. Come, gentle Master Slender, come; we stay for you.
SLENDER. I'll eat nothing, I thank you, sir.
PAGE. By cock and pie, you shall not choose, sir! come, come.
SLENDER. Nay, pray you lead the way.
PAGE. Come on, sir.
SLENDER. Mistress Anne, yourself shall go first.
ANNE. Not I, sir; pray you keep on.
SLENDER. Truly, I will not go first; truly, la! I will not do you that wrong.
ANNE. I pray you, sir.
SLENDER. I'll rather be unmannerly than troublesome. You do yourself wrong indeed, la!
[Exeunt.]

SCENE 2. The same.
[Enter SIR HUGH EVANS and SIMPLE.]
EVANS. Go your ways, and ask of Doctor Caius' house which is the way; and there dwells one Mistress Quickly, which is in the manner of his nurse, or his dry nurse, or his cook, or his laundry, his washer, and his wringer.
SIMPLE. Well, sir.
EVANS. Nay, it is petter yet. Give her this letter; for it is a 'oman that altogether's acquaintance with Mistress Anne Page; and the letter is to desire and require her to solicit your master's desires to Mistress Anne Page. I pray you be gone: I will make an end of my dinner; there's pippins and cheese to come.
[Exeunt.]
SCENE 3. A room in the Garter Inn.
[Enter FALSTAFF, HOST, BARDOLPH, NYM, PISTOL, and ROBIN.]
FALSTAFF. Mine host of the Garter!
HOST. What says my bully rook? Speak scholarly and wisely.
FALSTAFF. Truly, mine host, I must turn away some of my followers.
HOST. Discard, bully Hercules; cashier; let them wag; trot, trot.
FALSTAFF. I sit at ten pounds a week.
HOST. Thou'rt an emperor, Caesar, Keiser, and Pheazar. I will entertain Bardolph; he shall draw, he shall tap; said I well, bully Hector?
FALSTAFF. Do so, good mine host.
HOST. I have spoke; let him follow. [To BARDOLPH] Let me see thee froth and lime. I am at a word; follow.
[Exit.]
FALSTAFF. Bardolph, follow him. A tapster is a good trade; an old cloak makes a new jerkin; a withered serving-man a fresh tapster. Go; adieu.
BARDOLPH. It is a life that I have desired; I will thrive.
PISTOL. O base Hungarian wight! Wilt thou the spigot wield?
[Exit BARDOLPH.]
NYM. He was gotten in drink. Is not the humour conceited?
FALSTAFF. I am glad I am so acquit of this tinder-box: his thefts were too open; his filching was like an unskilful singer--he kept not time.
NYM. The good humour is to steal at a minim's rest.
PISTOL. 'Convey' the wise it call. 'Steal!' foh! A fico for the phrase!
FALSTAFF. Well, sirs, I am almost out at heels.
PISTOL. Why, then, let kibes ensue.
FALSTAFF. There is no remedy; I must cony-catch; I must shift.
PISTOL. Young ravens must have food.
FALSTAFF. Which of you know Ford of this town?
PISTOL. I ken the wight; he is of substance good.
FALSTAFF. My honest lads, I will tell you what I am about.
PISTOL. Two yards, and more.
FALSTAFF. No quips now, Pistol. Indeed, I am in the waist two yards about; but I am now about no waste; I am about thrift. Briefly, I do mean to make love to Ford's wife; I spy entertainment in her; she discourses, she carves, she gives the leer of invitation; I can construe the action of her familiar style; and the hardest voice of her behaviour, to be Englished rightly, is 'I am Sir John Falstaff's.'
PISTOL. He hath studied her will, and translated her will out of honesty into English.
NYM. The anchor is deep; will that humour pass?
FALSTAFF. Now, the report goes she has all the rule of her husband's purse; he hath a legion of angels.
PISTOL. As many devils entertain; and 'To her, boy,' say I.
NYM. The humour rises; it is good; humour me the angels.
FALSTAFF. I have writ me here a letter to her; and here another to Page's wife, who even now gave me good eyes too, examined my parts with most judicious oeillades; sometimes the beam of her view gilded my foot, sometimes my portly belly.
PISTOL. Then did the sun on dunghill shine.
NYM. I thank thee for that humour.
FALSTAFF. O! she did so course o'er my exteriors with such a greedy intention that the appetite of her eye did seem to scorch me up like a burning-glass. Here's another letter to her: she bears the purse too; she is a region in Guiana, all gold and bounty. I will be cheator to them both, and they shall be exchequers to me; they shall be my East and West Indies, and I will trade