The Master of the Shell

The Master of the Shell
Talbot Baines Reed
1887
Chapter I
Twice Accepted
The reader is requested kindly to glance through the following batch of
letters, which, oddly enough, are all dated September 9th, 18--:
Number 1.--William Grover, M.A., Grandcourt School, to Mark
Railsford, M.A., Lucerne.
"Grandcourt, September 9th.
"Dear Railsford,--I suppose this will catch you at Lucerne, on your way
back to England. I was sorry to hear you had been seedy before you left
London. Your trip is sure to have done you good, and if you only fell in
with pleasant people I expect you will have enjoyed yourself
considerably. What are you going to do when you get home--still
follow the profession of a gentleman at large, or what? Term opened
here again last week, and the Sixth came back to-day. I'm getting more
reconciled to the place by this time; indeed, there is no work I like
better than teaching, and if I was as certain it was as good for the boys
as it is congenial to me I should be perfectly contented. My
fellow-masters, with an exception or two, are good fellows, and let me
alone. The exceptions are harder to get on with.
"As for the boys, I have a really nice lot in my house. One or two
rowdies, who give me some bother, and one or two cads, with whom I

am at war; but the rest are a festive, jovial crew, who tolerate their
master when he lets them have their own way, and growl when he
doesn't; who work when they are so disposed, and drop idle with the
least provocation; who lead me many a weary dance through the
lobbies after the gas is out, and now and then come and make
themselves agreeable in my rooms when I invite them.
"I fancied when I came here I should get lots of time to myself--enough
perhaps to write my book on Comparative Political Economy. Vain
hope! I haven't time to turn round. If my days were twenty-six hours I
should scarcely then do all I ought to do here. Ponsford is getting old,
and leaves the executive to his lieutenants. He sits aloft like Zeus, hurls
a thunderbolt now and then, and for the rest acts as a supreme court of
appeal. Bickers, my opposite neighbour, is still a thorn in my side. I
don't know how it is, I try all I know, but I can't get on with him, and
have given him up. Moss, I believe, who is Master of the Shell and
head of a house, has come to the end of his endurance, and there is
some talk of his throwing up his place here. It would be a pity in many
ways, and it might be hard to get a good man in his place.
"By the way, if there is a vacancy, why should not you enter the lists? I
see you smile at the idea of anyone exchanging the profession of
gentleman at large for that of Master of the Shell. But it's worth a
thought, any how. Let us know where and how you are; and if you can
run down this way for a Sunday, do, and make glad the heart of your
friend,--
"W. Grover."
No. 2.--Arthur Herapath, Esquire, Lucerne, to Sir Digby Oakshott,
Baronet, Grandcourt.
"Dear Dig,--Here's a game! The gov's been and lost a lot of the luggage,
and ma won't go home without it, so we're booked here for a week
more. He's written to Ponsford to say I can't turn up till next week, and
says I'm doing some of the mug, so as not to be all behind. Jolly good
joke of the gov.'s, isn't it? Catch me mugging here!

"Stunning place, this! We went a picnic to--I say, by the way, while I
remember it, do you know it's all a howling cram about William Tell?
There never was such a chap! This is the place he used to hang out in,
and everyone says it's all my eye what the history says about him.
You'd better let Moss know. Tell him, from inquiries made by me on
the spot, I find it's all humbug, and he'd better get some chap to write a
new history who knows something about it. I was asking Railsford--by
the way, he's a stunning chap. We ran up against him on the Saint
Gothard, and he's been with us ever since. No end of a cheese! Rowed
in the Cambridge boat three years ago, Number 4, when Oxford won by
two feet. He says when you're rowing in a race you see nothing but the
fellow's back in front of you. He's 6 feet 2, and scales 12 stone 14
pounds. That's why they put him