The Martial Adventures of Henry and Me

The Martial Adventures of Henry and Me

The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Martial Adventures of Henry and Me
by William Allen White Copyright laws are changing all over the world. Be sure to check the copyright laws for your country before downloading or redistributing this or any other Project Gutenberg eBook.
This header should be the first thing seen when viewing this Project Gutenberg file. Please do not remove it. Do not change or edit the header without written permission.
Please read the "legal small print," and other information about the eBook and Project Gutenberg at the bottom of this file. Included is important information about your specific rights and restrictions in how the file may be used. You can also find out about how to make a donation to Project Gutenberg, and how to get involved.
**Welcome To The World of Free Plain Vanilla Electronic Texts**
**eBooks Readable By Both Humans and By Computers, Since 1971**
*****These eBooks Were Prepared By Thousands of Volunteers!*****
Title: The Martial Adventures of Henry and Me
Author: William Allen White
Release Date: May, 2004 [EBook #5633] [Yes, we are more than one year ahead of schedule] [This file was first posted on July 26, 2002]
Edition: 10
Language: English
Character set encoding: ASCII
*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK, THE MARTIAL ADVENTURES OF HENRY AND ME ***

Charles Franks and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team.

THE MARTIAL ADVENTURES OF HENRY AND ME
BY WILLIAM ALLEN WHITE
Author of "A Certain Rich Man," etc.

WITH ILLUSTRATIONS BY TONY SARG

CONTENTS
CHAPTER
I IN WHICH WE BEGIN OUR SENTIMENTAL JOURNEY
II IN WHICH WE OBSERVE THE "ROCKET'S RED GLARE"
III IN WHICH WE ENCOUNTER "BOMBS BURSTING IN AIR"
IV WHEREIN WE FIND THAT "OUR FLAG IS STILL THERE"
V IN WHICH WE DISCERN THINGS "BY THE DAWN'S EARLY LIGHT"
VI WHEREIN WE BECOME A TRIO AND JOURNEY TO ITALY
VII WHEREIN WE CONSIDER THE WOMAN PROPOSITION
VIII IN WHICH WE DISCOVER "A NEW HEAVEN AND A NEW EARTH"
IX IN WHICH WE RETURN TO "THE LAND OF THE FREE"

ILLUSTRATIONS
Frontispiece
And at that it seems a lot of money to pay for a rig which can be worn at most only two months
"You'll have to put out that cigar, sir"
She often paced the rounds of the deck between us
"Col-o-nel, will you please carry my books?"
So we waved back at them so long as they were in sight
"Donnez moi some soap here and be mighty blame toot sweet about it!"
Eight inches short in one waistband is a catastrophe
One of our party climbed to the roof of the dugout
"Come on! Let's go to the abri!"
So we went back--me holding those khaki trousers up by sheer force of will and both hands!
He had some trouble lighting his cigarette and was irritated for a second at his inconvenience
"Oh, yes," answered the Eager Soul to our enquiring eyes. "Mrs. Chessman--this is practically her hospital"
He was a rare bird; this American going on a big drunk on water
Henry puffed on his dreadnaught pipe and left the lady from Oklahoma City to me
And he sat cross-legged
As we sat in the car he came down the street beating a snare drum
They were standing on the running board all this time with the train going forty miles an hour
"What part of the States do you Canadians corme from?"
He told us what happened impersonally as one who is listening to another man's story in his own mouth
A fat man can't wear the modern American army uniform without looking like a sack of meal
He wore a scarlet coat of unimaginable vividness, a cutaway coat of glaring scarlet broadcloth
We thought he might be testing us out as potential spies
And we felt like prize boobs suddenly kidnapped from a tacky party and dropped into a grand ball
"Well now, sir, you wouldn't be wearing those brown shoes to Lord Bryce's tea, would you, Mr. White?"

THE MARTIAL ADVENTURES OF HENRY AND ME
CHAPTER I
IN WHICH WE BEGIN OUR SENTIMENTAL JOURNEY
By rights Henry, being the hero of this story, should be introduced in the first line. But really there isn't so much to say about Henry--Henry J. Allen for short, as we say in Kansas--Henry J. Allen, editer and owner of the Wichita Beacon. And to make the dramatis personae complete, we may consider me as the editer of the Emporia Gazette, and the two of us as short, fat, bald, middle-aged, inland Americans, from fresh water colleges in our youth and arrived at New York by way of an often devions, yet altogether happy route, leading through politics where it was rough going and unprofitable for years; through business where we still find it easy to sign, possible to float and hard to pay a ninety-day note, and through two country towns; one somewhat less than one hundred thousand population, and Emporia slightly above ten thousand.
We are discovered in the prologue to the play in New York City wearing our new silk suits to give New York a treat on a