The Man from Home | Page 7

Lady Creech--dear Lady Creech--what is the trouble?
LADY CREECH. Some horrible people coming to this hotel! They've
made a riot in the village.
[The noise becomes suddenly louder. MARIANO, immediately upon
LADY CREECH'S entrance, appears in hotel doors, makes a quick
gesture toward breakfast-table, and withdraws.]
[MICHELE, laughing, immediately enters by same doors, goes rapidly
to the breakfast-table and clears it. The others pay no attention to this.]
HORACE [at steps up left]. It's not a riot--it's a revolution.
LADY CREECH [sinking into a chair, angrily]. One of your horrid
fellow-countrymen, my dear. Your Americans are really too--
ETHEL [proudly]. Not my Americans, Lady Creech!
HORACE. Not ours, you know. One could hardly say that, could one?
ALMERIC [heard outside laughing]. Oh, I say, what a go! [Enters from
the hotel, laughing.] Motor-car breaks down on the way here; one of
the Johnnies in it, a German, discharges the chauffeur; and the other
Johnny [he throws himself sprawling into a chair], one of your Yankee
chaps, Ethel, hires two silly little donkeys, like rabbits, you know, to
pull the machine the rest of the way here. Then as they can't make it, by
Jove, you know, he puts himself in the straps with the donkeys, and
proceeds, attended by the populace. Ha, ha! I say!
[HORACE, gloomy, comes down and sits at tea-table.]
LADY CREECH [angrily, to ALMERIC]. Don't mumble your words,

Almeric. I never understand people when they mumble their words.
[RIBIERE, who looks anxious, appears in the hotel doorway, then
stands aside on the stoop for MARIANO and MICHELE; they enter
and pass him with trays, fresh cloth, etc., for table down right, which
they rapidly proceed to set. A valet de chambre enters up left, following
them immediately. He carries a tray with a silver dish of caviar and a
bottle of vodka. As he enters he hesitates for one moment, looking
inquiringly at RIBIERE, who motions him quickly toward MARIANO
and MICHELE, and withdraws. Valet rapidly crosses right to table, sets
caviar and vodka on the table, and exits up left. The others pay no
attention to any of this.]
ALMERIC. I went up to this Yankee chap, I mean to say--he was
pullin' and tuggin' along, you see, don't you?--and I said, "There you
are, three of you all in a row, _aren't_ you?"--meanin' him and the two
donkeys, Ethel, you see.
LADY CREECH [who has been leaning close to ALMERIC to listen].
Dreadful person!
ALMERIC [continuing]. All he could answer was that he'd picked the
best company in sight.
ETHEL [annoyed, half under her breath]. Impertinent!
ALMERIC. No meanin' to it. I had him, you know, I rather think, didn't
I?
[HAWCASTLE enters with MADAME DE CHAMPIGNY, a number
of folded newspapers under his arm. Simultaneously loud cheers are
heard from the village and a general renewal of the commotion.]
HAWCASTLE. Disgusting uproar!
MADAME DE CHAMPIGNY [to ETHEL]. But we know that such
Americans are not of your class, cherie.

ETHEL. A dreadful person, I quite fear.
HAWCASTLE. The English papers.
[Lays papers on one of the tea-tables.]
ALMERIC. I'll take the _Pink 'Un_, Governor. I'm off.
[Starts to go, the _Pink 'Un_ under his arm.]
ETHEL [rather shyly]. For a stroll, Almeric? Would you like me to go
with you?
ALMERIC [somewhat embarrassed]. Well, I rather thought I'd have a
quiet bit of readin', you know.
ETHEL [coldly]. Oh!
[Exit ALMERIC rapidly up left.]
LADY CREECH [in a deep and gloomy voice]. The Church Register!
[HAWCASTLE gives her a paper. HORACE takes the London Mail.
HAWCASTLE takes the Times.]
[ETHEL and MADAME DE CHAMPIGNY walk back to the terrace
railing, chatting. The others seat themselves about the tea-tables to
read.]
HORACE [unfolding his paper, speaks crossly to MARIANO].
Mariano, how long is this noise to continue?
MARIANO [distractedly]. How can I know? We can do nothing.
MICHELE [smilingly, looking up from table where he has continued to
work]. The people outside will not go while they think there is once
more a chance to see the North American who pull the automobile with
those donkeys.

MARIANO. He have confuse' me; he have confuse' everybody. He will
not be content with the déjeuner till he have the ham and the eggs. And
he will have the eggs cooked only on one side, and how in the name of
heaven can we tell which side?
RIBIERE [appearing in the hotel doorway, speaks sharply but not
loudly]. Garçon!
[MICHELE and MARIANO instantly step back from table and stand at
attention, facing front, like soldiers. RIBIERE exits quickly again into
hotel.]
HAWCASTLE [looking up from paper]. Upon my soul, who's all this?
MARIANO [not turning his head, replies in an awed undertone]. It is
Herr von Gröllerhagen, a German gentleman, Milor'.
HAWCASTLE [amused, to HORACE]. Man that owned the
automobile.