The Magic Pudding | Page 9

bad temper into the bargain,
for the moment Bill asked him if he had met a singed possum he
shouted back--
" Me eat a singed possum! I wouldn't eat a possum if he was singed,
roasted, boiled, or fried."
" Not ett--met," shouted Bill. "I said, met a singed possum."
"Why can't yer speak plainly, then," said the Parrot. "Have you got a
fill of tobacco on yer?"
He took out his pipe and scowled at Bill.
"Here you are," said Bill. "Cut a fill an' answer the question."
" All in good time," said the Parrot, and he added to Sam, "You got any
tobacco?"
Sam handed him a fill, and he put it in his pocket. "You ain't got any
tobacco," he said scornfully to Bunyip Bluegum. "I can see that at a
glance. You're one of the non-smoking sort, all fur and feathers."
"Here," said Bill angrily, "Enough o' this beatin' about the bush.
Answer the question."
"Don't be impatient," said the Parrot. "Have you got a bit o' tea an'
sugar on yer?"
"Here's yer tea an' sugar," said Bill, handing a little of each out of the

bag. "An that's the last thing you get. Now will you answer the
question?"
"Wot question," asked the Parrot.
"Have yer seen a singed possum?" roared Bill.
"No, I haven't," said the Parrot, and he actually had the insolence to
laugh in Bill's face.
"Of all the swivel-eyed, up-jumped, cross-grained, sons of a cock-eyed
tinker," exclaimed Bill, boiling with rage. "If punching parrots on the
beak,wasn't too painful for pleasure, I'd land you a sockdolager on the
muzzle that ud lay you out till Christmas. Come on, mates," he added,
"it's no use wastin' time over this low-down, hook-nosed,
tobacco-grabber. "And leaving the evil-minded Parrot to pursue his
evil-minded way, they hurried off in search of information.
The next person they spied was a Bandicoot carrying a watermelon. At
a first glance you would have thought it was merely a watermelon
walking by itself, but a second glance would have shown you that the
walking was being done by a small pair of legs attached to the
watermelon, and a third glance would have disclosed that the legs were
attached to a Bandicoot.
They shouted, "Hi, you with the melon!" to attract his attention, and set
off running after him, and the Bandicoot, being naturally of a terrified
disposition, ran for all he was worth. He wasn't worth much as a runner,
owing to the weight of the watermelon, and they caught him up
half-way across the field.
Conceiving that his hour had come, the Bandicoot gave a shrill squeak
of terror and fell on his knees.
"Take me watermelon," he gasped, "but spare me life."
"Stuff an' nonsense," said Bill. "We don't want your life. What we want
is some information. Have you seen a singed possum about this

morning?"
"Singed possums, sir, yes sir, certainly sir," gasped the Bandicoot,
trembling violently.
"What, exclaimed Bill, "Do yer mean to say you have seen a singed
possum?"
"Singed possums, sir, yes sir," gulped the Bandicoot. "Very plentiful,
sir, this time of the year, sir, owing to the bush fires, sir."
"Rubbish," roared Bill. "I don't believe he's seen a singed possum at
all."
"No, sir," quavered the Bandicoot. "Certainly not, sir. Wouldn't think of
seeing singed possums if there was any objection, sir."
"You're a poltroon," shouted Bill. "You're a slaverin', quaverin',
melon-carryin' nincompoop. There's no more chance of getting
information out of you than out of a terrified Turnip."
Leaving the Bandicoot to pursue his quavering, melon-humping
existence, they set off again, Bill giving way to some very despondent
expressions.
"As far as I can see," he said, "if we can't find somethin' better than
stone-deaf hedgehogs, peevish parrots and funkin' bandicoots we may
as well give way to despair."
Bunyip Bluegum was forced to exert his finest oratory to inspire them
to another frame of mind. "Let it never be said," he exclaimed, "that the
unconquerable hearts of puddin'-owners quailed before a parrot, a
hedgehog, or a bandicoot.
"Let hedgehogs deaf go delve and dig, Immune from loudest howl, Let
bandicoots lump melons big, Let peevish parrots prowl.
"Shall puddin'-owners bow the head At such affronts as these? No, no!
March on, by anger led, Our Puddin' to release.

"Let courage high resolve inflame Our captive Pud to free; Our banner
wave, our words proclaim We march to victory!"
"Bravely sung," exclaimed Bill, grasping Bunyip Bluegum by the hand,
and they proceeded with expressions of the greatest courage and
determination.
As a reward for this renewed activity, they got some useful information
from a Rooster who was standing at his front gate looking up and down
the road, and wishing to heaven that somebody would come along for