The Lunatic at Large | Page 8

makes no mention of figs and spades," he
rejoined; "but I understand you to mean that you prefer humbugging."

He drew a long face, sighed twice, and looking tenderly into Lady
Alicia's blue eyes, began in a gentle, reminiscent voice, "My boyhood
was troubled and unhappy: no kind words, no caresses. I was beaten by
a cruel stepfather, ignored and insulted for my physical deformities by
a heartless stepmother."
He stopped to sigh again, and Lady Alicia, with a boldness that
surprised herself, and a perspicacity that would have surprised her
friends, asked, "How could they--I mean, were they both step?"
"Several steps," he replied; "in fact, quite a long journey."
With this explanation Lady Alicia was forced to remain satisfied; but as
he had paused a second time, and seemed to be immersed in the study
of his shoes, she inquired again, "You spoke of physical infirmities; do
you mean----?"
"Deformities," he corrected; "up to the age of fourteen years I could
only walk sideways, and my hair parted in the middle."
He spoke so seriously that these unusual maladies seemed to her the
most touching misfortunes she had ever heard of. She murmured gently,
"Yes?"
"As the years advanced," Mr Beveridge continued, "and I became more
nearly the same weight as my stepfather, my life grew happier. It was
decided to send me to college, so I was provided with an insufficient
cheque, a complete set of plated forks, and three bath-towels, and
despatched to the University of Oxford. At least I think that was the
name of the corporation which took my money and endeavoured to
restrict my habits, though, to confess the truth, my memory is not what
it used to be. There I learned wisdom by the practice of folly--the most
amusing and effective method. My tutor used to tell me I had some
originality. I apologised for its presence in such a respectable
institution, and undertook to pass an examination instead. I believe I
succeeded: I certainly remember giving a dinner to celebrate something.
Thereupon at my own expense the University inflicted a degree upon
me, but I was shortly afterwards compensated by the death of my uncle

and my accession to his estates. Having enjoyed a university education,
and accordingly possessing a corrected and regulated sentiment, I was
naturally inconsolable at the decease of this venerable relative, who for
so long had shown a kindly interest in the poor orphan lad."
He stopped to sigh again, and Lady Alicia asked with great interest,
"But your step-parents, you always had them, hadn't you?"
"Never!" he replied, sadly.
"Never?" she exclaimed in some bewilderment.
"Certainly not often," he answered, "and oftener than not, never. If you
had told me beforehand you wished to hear my history, I should have
pruned my family tree into a more presentable shape. But if you will
kindly tell me as I go along which of my relatives you disapprove of,
and who you would like to be introduced, I shall arrange the plot to suit
you."
"I only wish to hear the true story, Mr Hamilton."
"Fortescue," he corrected. "I certainly prefer to be called by one name
at a time, but never by the same twice running."
He smiled so agreeably as he said this that Lady Alicia, though puzzled
and a little hurt, could not refrain from smiling back.
"Let me hear the rest," she said.
"It is no truer than the first part, but quite as entertaining. So, if you like,
I shall endeavour to recall the series of painful episodes that brought
me to Clankwood," he answered, very seriously.
Lady Alicia settled herself comfortably into one corner of the sofa and
prepared to feel affected. But at that moment the portly form of Dr
Congleton appeared from the direction of the ballroom with a still more
portly dowager on his arm.
"My mother!" exclaimed Lady Alicia, rising quickly to her feet.

"Indeed?" said Mr Beveridge, who still kept his seat. "She certainly
looks handsome enough."
This speech made Lady Alicia blush very becomingly, and the
Countess looked at her sharply.
"Where have you been, Alicia?"
"The room was rather warm, mamma, and----"
"In short, madam," interrupted Mr Beveridge, rising and bowing, "your
charming daughter wished to study a lunatic at close quarters. I am mad,
and I obligingly raved. Thus----" He ran one hand through his hair so as
to make it fall over his eyes, blew out his cheeks, and uttering a yell,
sprang high into the air, and descended in a sitting posture on the floor.
"That, madam, is a very common symptom," he explained, with a smile,
smoothing down his hair again, "as our friend Dr Congleton will tell
you."
Both the doctor and the Countess were too astonished to make any
reply, so he