The London-Bawd: With Her Character and Life | Page 4

for where thou get'st one Shilling a Broad, I get Five at Home. If I shou'd go away, I am sure the Custom wou'd quickly drop off; for I am the Person most respected by the Customers, and therefore I think I have the best Title of you all to Preheminence.
Old Mother Damnable the Bawd having stood by all this while, and heard all their Allegations, at last broke forth into a very great Laughter; and after having given vent to her Risible Faculty, made em' this Answer.
_Bawd._ I can't chuse but laugh to hear the Fools prate about Preheminence: They would all fain be Masters, and yet they know they are but all my Servants; they make their Boast, of this and that, and talk of their great gains: and forget that I rule the Roast, and that both their gains and their very being here, depends upon my Pleasure: Pray Gentlemen, whose House is this? I hope you look upon the House to be mine, and I am sure I bought the Furniture. And yet you talk as if I had nothing to do here; whereas you might all have gone a Begging before now, if I had not took you into my Service. And you, Mrs. Minx because you're a little handsome, you begin to grow Proud and don't consider that if I had'nt prefer'd you to the Station you are in, you must have been a Scullion-Wench, or gone to washing and Scowring: Was'nt it I that bought you those fine Cloths, put you into the Equipage you are in? Alas you were but a meer Novice in sinning till I put you into the way, and taught you. You have forgot how bashful you were at first, and how much ado I had to bring you to let a Gentleman take you by the Tu quoque. And now I have brought you to something, that you can get your own living, you begin to slite me.--And you Mr. _Pimp._ wa'n't you a pitiful Rogue, till I took you into my Service? Pray who would have regarded you in those Rags I found you in? And now I have put you into a good Garb, and made a man of you, you wou'd fain be my Master, I warrant ye! But I'll take care to hinder that; and if you don't know your self, I do. Nay, there's your Brother Pander too, is e'en as bad, and can't tell when he's well; Because I allow him the vails belonging to his Place, he fancies himself a Master too, and wou'd have all be rul'd by his advice: But I shall make you know there's two words to that Bargain. I think I shou'd know what belongs so such a House better than any of you all. I was brought up to't when I was young: and spent my young days in Love my self; but being disabled by Age and Weakness, I had that Affection for the Trade, that I entertain'd others to carry it on; bringing 'em up to my hand with much care; and therefore surely I must needs have more experience in it than another: and if you won't acknowledge me to be the chief, and Mistress of you all, I'll make you.
The old Bawd having made an End, and put to Silence all the other Boasts, there was a young Prodigal Spark that had wasted a fair Estate in being a Customer to her House, thought he had now a fit opportunity to put her in Mind of his own Merits, and therefore thus began.
_Prodigal._ I perceive you are all very ambitious of having the Preheminence; but to be plain with you, there's no body deserves it but my self: For talk what you will, it is but prating to no purpose. You know the old Prover, _Talk is but Talk, but 'tis Money buys Land_; and I am sure 'twas only for Money to supply you withal, that I have sold mine. And therefore when you have all said what you can, what wou'd you all do, if I didn't help you to Money? If I and such as I forsake your House, you may go Hang your selves. 'Tis I that Satisfies the Whore, and pay the Fees of both the Pimp and Pander. And for you, Mrs. Bawd, what'er your layings out are, your comings in are chiefly from my hands; for you have neither House nor Lands to secure you; but 'tis upon my Purse, that you depend; and I am he that keeps you all alive. And since I am at all this cost, it is just that it should be acknowledged, and that you all should own me for your Master. Your own Interest speaks for