The Little Man | Page 5

to have you give us your sentiments in relation to the duty of man.
[The LITTLE MAN, fidgets, and is about to opens his mouth.]
AMERICAN. For example--is it your opinion that we should kill off the weak and diseased, and all that can't jump around?
GERMAN. [Nodding] 'Ja, ja'! That is coming.
LITTLE MAN. [Looking from face to face] They might be me.
[The DUTCH YOUTH laughs.]
AMERICAN. [Reproving him with a look] That's true humility. 'Tisn't grammar. Now, here's a proposition that brings it nearer the bone: Would you step out of your way to help them when it was liable to bring you trouble?
GERMAN. 'Nein, nein'! That is stupid.
LITTLE MAN. [Eager but wistful] I'm afraid not. Of course one wants to--There was St Francis d'Assisi and St Julien L'Hospitalier, and----
AMERICAN. Very lofty dispositions. Guess they died of them. [He rises] Shake hands, sir--my name is--[He hands a card] I am an ice-machine maker. [He shakes the LITTLE MAN's hand] I like your sentiments--I feel kind of brotherly. [Catching sight of the WAITER appearing in the doorway] Waiter; where to h-ll is that glass of beer?
GERMAN. Cigarren!
WAITER. 'Komm' gleich'!
ENGLISHMAN. [Consulting watch] Train's late.
ENGLISHWOMAN. Really! Nuisance!
[A station POLICEMAN, very square and uniformed, passes and repasses.]
AMERICAN. [Resuming his seat--to the GERMAN] Now, we don't have so much of that in America. Guess we feel more to trust in human nature.
GERMAN. Ah! ha! you will bresently find there is nothing in him but self.
LITTLE MAN. [Wistfully] Don't you believe in human nature?
AMERICAN. Very stimulating question.
[He looks round for opinions. The DUTCH YOUTH laughs.]
ENGLISHMAN. [Holding out his half of the paper to his wife] Swap!
[His wife swaps.]
GERMAN. In human nature I believe so far as I can see him--no more.
AMERICAN. Now that 'pears to me kind o' blasphemy. I believe in heroism. I opine there's not one of us settin' around here that's not a hero--give him the occasion.
LITTLE MAN. Oh! Do you believe that?
AMERICAN. Well! I judge a hero is just a person that'll help another at the expense of himself. Take that poor woman there. Well, now, she's a heroine, I guess. She would die for her baby any old time.
GERMAN. Animals will die for their babies. That is nothing.
AMERICAN. I carry it further. I postulate we would all die for that baby if a locomotive was to trundle up right here and try to handle it. [To the GERMAN] I guess you don't know how good you are. [As the GERMAN is twisting up the ends of his moustache--to the ENGLISHWOMAN] I should like to have you express an opinion, ma'am.
ENGLISHWOMAN. I beg your pardon.
AMERICAN. The English are very humanitarian; they have a very high sense of duty. So have the Germans, so have the Americans. [To the DUTCH YOUTH] I judge even in your little country they have that. This is an epoch of equality and high-toned ideals. [To the LITTLE MAN] What is your nationality, sir?
LITTLE MAN. I'm afraid I'm nothing particular. My father was half-English and half-American, and my mother half-German and half-Dutch.
AMERICAN. My! That's a bit streaky, any old way. [The POLICEMAN passes again] Now, I don't believe we've much use any more for those gentlemen in buttons. We've grown kind of mild--we don't think of self as we used to do.
[The WAITER has appeared in the doorway.]
GERMAN. [In a voice of thunder] 'Cigarren! Donnerwetter'!
AMERICAN. [Shaking his fist at the vanishing WAITER] That flash of beer!
WAITER. 'Komm' gleich'!
AMERICAN. A little more, and he will join George Washington! I was about to remark when he intruded: In this year of grace 1913 the kingdom of Christ is quite a going concern. We are mighty near universal brotherhood. The colonel here [He indicates the GERMAN] is a man of blood and iron, but give him an opportunity to be magnanimous, and he'll be right there. Oh, sir! yep!
[The GERMAN, with a profound mixture of pleasure and cynicism, brushes up the ends of his moustache.]
LITTLE MAN. I wonder. One wants to, but somehow--[He shakes his head.]
AMERICAN. You seem kind of skeery about that. You've had experience, maybe. I'm an optimist--I think we're bound to make the devil hum in the near future. I opine we shall occasion a good deal of trouble to that old party. There's about to be a holocaust of selfish interests. The colonel there with old-man Nietch he won't know himself. There's going to be a very sacred opportunity.
[As he speaks, the voice of a RAILWAY OFFICIAL is heard an the distance calling out in German. It approaches, and the words become audible.]
GERMAN. [Startled] 'Der Teufel'! [He gets up, and seizes the bag beside him.]
[The STATION OFFICIAL has appeared; he stands for a moment casting his commands at the seated group. The DUTCH YOUTH also rises, and takes his coat and hat. The OFFICIAL turns on his heel and retires