The Little Man | Page 9

'Verstehe nicht'.

AMERICAN. Well, just watch my gestures. I was saying [He points to
the LITTLE MAN, then makes gestures of flying] you have an angel
from heaven there. You have there a man in whom Gawd [He points
upward] takes quite an amount of stock. You have no call to arrest him.
[He makes the gesture of arrest] No, Sir. Providence has acted pretty
mean, loading off that baby on him. [He makes the motion of dandling]
The little man has a heart of gold. [He points to his heart, and takes out
a gold coin.]
OFFICIAL. [Thinking he is about to be bribed] 'Aber, das ist zu viel'!
AMERICAN. Now, don't rattle me! [Pointing to the LITTLE MAN]
Man [Pointing to his heart] 'Herz' [Pointing to the coin] 'von' Gold.
This is a flower of the field--he don't want no gentleman in buttons to
pluck him up.
[A little crowd is gathering, including the Two ENGLISH, the
GERMAN, and the DUTCH YOUTH.]
OFFICIAL. 'Verstehe absolut nichts'. [He taps the telegram] 'Ich muss
mein' duty do.
AMERICAN. But I'm telling you. This is a white man. This is probably
the whitest man on Gawd's earth.
OFFICIAL. 'Das macht nichts'--gut or no gut, I muss mein duty do. [He
turns to go toward the LITTLE MAN.]
AMERICAN. Oh! Very well, arrest him; do your duty. This baby has
typhus.
[At the word "typhus" the OFFICIAL stops.]
AMERICAN. [Making gestures] First-class typhus, black typhus,
schwarzen typhus. Now you have it. I'm kind o' sorry for you and the
gentleman in buttons. Do your duty!
OFFICIAL. Typhus? Der Bub--die baby hat typhus?

AMERICAN. I'm telling you.
OFFICIAL. Gott im Himmel!
AMERICAN. [Spotting the GERMAN in the little throng] here's a
gentleman will corroborate me.
OFFICIAL. [Much disturbed, and signing to the POLICEMAN to stand
clear] Typhus! 'Aber das ist grasslich'!
AMERICAN. I kind o' thought you'd feel like that.
OFFICIAL. 'Die Sanitatsmachine! Gleich'!
[A PORTER goes to get it. From either side the broken half-moon of
persons stand gazing at the LITTLE MAN, who sits unhappily
dandling the BABY in the centre.]
OFFICIAL. [Raising his hands] 'Was zu thun'?
AMERICAN. Guess you'd better isolate the baby.
[A silence, during which the LITTLE MAN is heard faintly whistling
and clucking to the BABY.]
OFFICIAL. [Referring once more to his telegram]
"'Rest gentleman mit black baby." [Shaking his head] Wir must de
gentleman hold. [To the GERMAN] 'Bitte, mein Herr, sagen Sie ihm,
den Buben zu niedersetzen'. [He makes the gesture of deposit.]
GERMAN. [To the LITTLE MAN] He say: Put down the baby.
[The LITTLE MAN shakes his head, and continues to dandle the
BABY.]
OFFICIAL. You must.
[The LITTLE MAN glowers, in silence.]

ENGLISHMAN. [In background--muttering] Good man!
GERMAN. His spirit ever denies.
OFFICIAL. [Again making his gesture] 'Aber er muss'!
[The LITTLE MAN makes a face at him.]
'Sag' Ihm': Instantly put down baby, and komm' mit us.
[The BABY wails.]
LITTLE MAN. Leave the poor ill baby here alone? Be--be--be d---d to
you!
AMERICAN. [Jumping on to a trunk--with enthusiasm] Bully!
[The ENGLISH clap their hands; the DUTCH YOUTH laughs. The
OFFICIAL is muttering, greatly incensed.]
AMERICAN. What does that body-snatcher say?
GERMAN. He say this man use the baby to save himself from arrest.
Very smart he say.
AMERICAN. I judge you do him an injustice. [Showing off the
LITTLE MAN with a sweep of his arm.] This is a white man. He's got
a black baby, and he won' leave it in the lurch. Guess we would all act
noble that way, give us the chance.
[The LITTLE MAN rises, holding out the BABY, and advances a step
or two. The half-moon at once gives, increasing its size; the
AMERICAN climbs on to a higher trunk. The LITTLE MAN retires
and again sits down.]
AMERICAN. [Addressing the OFFICIAL] Guess you'd better go out of
business and wait for the mother.
OFFICIAL. [Stamping his foot] Die Mutter sall 'rested be for taking out

baby mit typhus. Ha! [To the LITTLE MAN] Put ze baby down!
[The LITTLE MAN smiles.]
Do you 'ear?
AMERICAN. [Addressing the OFFICIAL] Now, see here. 'Pears to me
you don't suspicion just how beautiful this is. Here we have a man
giving his life for that old baby that's got no claim on him. This is not a
baby of his own making. No, sir, this is a very Christ-like proposition
in the gentleman.
OFFICIAL. Put ze baby down, or ich will gommand someone it to do.
AMERICAN. That will be very interesting to watch.
OFFICIAL. [To POLICEMAN] Dake it vrom him.
[The POLICEMAN mutters, but does not.]
AMERICAN. [To the German] Guess I lost that.
GERMAN. He say he is not his officier.
AMERICAN. That just tickles me to death.
OFFICIAL. [Looking round] Vill nobody dake ze Bub'?