The Law and Lawyers of Pickwick | Page 8

said the little man.
"I'm delighted to hear it," said Mr. Pickwick, rubbing his hands. "I like to see sturdy patriotism, on whatever side it is called forth;--and so it's a spirited contest?"
"Oh, yes," said the little man, "very much so indeed. We have opened all the public-houses in the place, and left our adversary nothing but the beer-shops--masterly stroke of policy that, my dear sir, eh?"
The little man smiled complacently, and took a large pinch of snuff.
"And what are the probabilities as to the result of the contest?" inquired Mr. Pickwick.
"Why, doubtful, my dear sir; rather doubtful as yet," replied the little man. "Fizkin's people have got three-and-thirty voters in the lock-up coach-house at the White Hart."
"In the coach-house!" said Mr. Pickwick, considerably astonished by this second stroke of policy.
"They keep 'em locked up there till they want 'em," resumed the little man. "The effect of that is, you see, to prevent our getting at them; and even if we could, it would be of no use, for they keep them very drunk on purpose. Smart fellow Fizkin's agent--very smart fellow indeed."
Mr. Pickwick stared, but said nothing.
"We are pretty confident, though," said Mr. Perker, sinking his voice almost to a whisper. "We had a little tea-party here last night--five- and-forty women, my dear sir--and gave every one of 'em a green parasol when she went away."
"A parasol?" said Mr. Pickwick.
"Fact, my dear sir, fact. Five-and-forty green parasols at seven and sixpence a-piece. All women like finery--extraordinary the effect of those parasols. Secured all their husbands, and half their brothers--beat stockings, and flannel, and all that sort of thing hollow. My idea, my dear sir, entirely. Hail, rain, or sunshine, you can't walk half-a-dozen yards up the street without encountering half- a-dozen green parasols."
On the day of the election the stable yard exhibited unequivocal symptoms of the glory and strength of the Eatanswill Blues. There was a regular army of blue flags, some with one handle, and some with two, exhibiting appropriate devices, in golden characters four feet high, and stout in proportion. There was a grand band of trumpets, bassoons, and drums, marshalled four abreast, and earning their money, if ever men did, especially the drum beaters, who were very muscular. There were bodies of constables with blue staves, twenty committee men with blue scarves, and a mob of voters with blue cockades. There were electors on horseback and electors on foot. There was an open carriage and four, for the Honourable Samuel Slumkey; and there were four carriages and pair, for his friends and supporters; and the flags were rustling, and the band was playing, and the constables were swearing, and the twenty committee men were squabbling, and the mob were shouting, and the horses were backing, and the post-boys were perspiring; and everybody, and everything, then and there assembled, was for the special use, behoof, honour, and renown, of the Honourable Samuel Slumkey, of Slumkey Hall, one of the candidates for the representation of the Borough of Eatanswill, in the Commons House of Parliament of the United Kingdom.
Loud and long were the cheers, and mighty was the rustling of one of the blue flags, with "Liberty of the Press" inscribed thereon, when the sandy head of Mr. Pott was discerned in one of the windows by the mob beneath; and tremendous was the enthusiasm when the Honourable Samuel Slumkey himself, in top boots, and a blue neckerchief, advanced and seized the hand of the said Pott, and melodramatically testified by gestures to the crowd his ineffaceable obligations to the Eatanswill Gazette.
"Is everything ready?" said the Honourable Samuel Slumkey to Mr. Perker.
"Everything, my dear sir," was the little man's reply.
"Nothing has been omitted, I hope?" said the Honourable Samuel Slumkey.
"Nothing has been left undone, my dear sir--nothing whatever. There are twenty washed men at the street door for you to shake hands with; and six children in arms that you're to pat on the head, and inquire the age of; be particular about the children, my dear sir,--it has always a great effect, that sort of thing."
"I'll take care," said the Honourable Samuel Slumkey.
"And perhaps, my dear sir," said the cautious little man, "perhaps if you could--I don't mean to say it's indispensable--but if you could manage to kiss one of 'em it would produce a very great impression on the crowd."
"Wouldn't it have as good an effect if the proposer or seconder did that?" said the Honourable Samuel Slumkey.
"Why, I am afraid it wouldn't," replied the agent; "if it were done by yourself, my dear sir, I think it would make you very popular."
"Very well," said the Honourable Samuel Slumkey, with a resigned air, "then it must be done. That's all."
"Arrange the procession," cried the twenty committee men.
Amidst the cheers of the assembled throng, the band, and the