The Janus Syndrome | Page 9

SAS. What're my chances of coming back in a rubber bag?"
Anna blinked and wrinkled her nose at me. "None at all." She shrugged. "It's a fairly easy mission."
I sighed and shook my head. "Anna, my little love-dove, the last time anybody told me that I nearly came home in a doggy-bag . The friendly natives were, in order, cannibalistic, advanced, and hungry for the latest foreign food -- me, in case you don't get the idea."
"I mean it, " she said, sounding offended.
"So did they."
She stood up and walked to the door, standing with her back against it and looking at me, smiling, a little wickedly.
"Look who's complaining, " she said. "Weren't your ancestors cannibals?"
I got up off the bed and joined her at the door, leaning against it with my arms to either side of her and looking lovingly into her eyes. Grinning, naturally.
"Nope, they weren't. They were all vegetarians."
"You and an oversexed Shiktabria, Tomari."
I made a face and she made one back.
"At least they always kept away from fatty foods," I said, and projected a feeling of desire at her. I wasn't sure whether it would register; it didn't work most of the time, but sometimes she'd be in the right frame of mind to pick it up.
She was this time. She pulled a rueful face.
She said, "I told you about that mythical big buck, Tomari."
"Well, Missy, me hear tell you is unloved around this place."
She grinned. "That's my secret."
I smiled. "Yours and Area Fourteen's, you mean. It gives him a thrill in his rectifiers," Area Fourteen said.
"I don't have rectifiers," Area Fourteen muttered.
He sounded a little wistful.
I said, "Poor you. Would you mind not peeking through the keyhole? I'm trying to seduce this woman here, and I have to concentrate."
"Should you succeed --"
"You'll be surprised. Now go away."
He didn't say anything more.
I turned back to Anna, who was leaning with her arms folded.
"Where was I?"
"You were trying to talk yourself into stealing a kiss from me."
I gave her an offended look.
"Talk myself into it? I was actually trying to assuage your fears, my dear Annabelle."
She grinned. Wickedly.
"I'm waiting Tomari. I have to have something to tell Sweet Jane about."
Sweet Jane was Anna's constant companion, in most places. The cauliflower.
I said, "Where is she?"
"Sleeping. Silly thing was up for a week researching."
"You'd better tell Jane cauliflower's good for her."
"That was not a funny remark."
"And the same to you, Bubble-belle."
"Why does my heart become solid concrete when you try endearments like that?"
"Uh-uh, the liquid concrete just sets, that's all."
She wrinkled her nose. "Anybody ever tell you that you're a mushbag?"
"Once in while."
There was a space of silence, and then she said, "I knew it. You're leading me on again, Tomari."
So I kissed her.
And that computerized sonofabitch who was watching -- Blew a Bronx cheer.
# It was protoplasmic.
It was a protoplasmic lump.
Colored a sort of putty gray.
It stood in the corner of Annabelle's office, like a potted plant.
It shuddered.
And burped.
Then shivered and jumped.
I counted another two shudders, seven shivers, and four jumps -- it left the ground only slightly, never moving from its spot -- before it burped again. When the report came, it came with the sprouting of a dark blister on the surface of the lump.
The blister extruded a round eye, which stared blankly at us; the eye looked a little like the multi-faceted eye of an insect blown up to giant proportions, and was attached to a thick tentacle.
I looked from the Lump to Annabelle, who was watching my reactions.
Naturally.
I said, "What the hell is it, Bubbles?"
She grinned and looked at the Lump. "It's a pet."
Blurrrp! I looked back to the Lump, and a warm blob hit my face, feeling around and patting my cheeks. After a moment, it developed fingers and attempted to twist my nose off.
Then it dropped away, apparently finished checking out my face.
Anna said, "It's a mimic. We've got a couple in for study. I keep this one here to impress the visitors."
Boorrrch! Hand and eye vanished together.
I said, "I'm impressed, I think. Any practical value?"
Anna went around her desk and settled down into her chair, pushing it back and putting her feet up on her desk, her hands behind her head.
She said, "So far, not really. We're trying to work out what it uses as a chameleon mechanism, to adapt it for use, but all we can tell so far is that it needs a fully malleable form. Plus a lot of energy." She nodded at the Lump in the corner, as it quivered. "It isn't too good at imitations unless it has a template to hand. Added to that, having developed the central ability to mimic forms, it hasn't developed any real sentience. It's a protoplasmic plant."
"You were hoping for something to balance with the Enemy, huh?"
She shrugged. "More or less.