The Importance of Being Earnest | Page 3

More than half of modern culture depends on what one shouldn't
read.
Jack. I am quite aware of the fact, and I don't propose to discuss modern culture. It isn't
the sort of thing one should talk of in private. I simply want my cigarette case back.
Algernon. Yes; but this isn't your cigarette case. This cigarette case is a present from
some one of the name of Cecily, and you said you didn't know any one of that name.
Jack. Well, if you want to know, Cecily happens to be my aunt.
Algernon. Your aunt!
Jack. Yes. Charming old lady she is, too. Lives at Tunbridge Wells. Just give it back to
me, Algy.
Algernon. [Retreating to back of sofa.] But why does she call herself little Cecily if she is
your aunt and lives at Tunbridge Wells? [Reading.] 'From little Cecily with her fondest
love.'
Jack. [Moving to sofa and kneeling upon it.] My dear fellow, what on earth is there in
that? Some aunts are tall, some aunts are not tall. That is a matter that surely an aunt may
be allowed to decide for herself. You seem to think that every aunt should be exactly like
your aunt! That is absurd! For Heaven's sake give me back my cigarette case. [Follows
Algernon round the room.]
Algernon. Yes. But why does your aunt call you her uncle? 'From little Cecily, with her
fondest love to her dear Uncle Jack.' There is no objection, I admit, to an aunt being a
small aunt, but why an aunt, no matter what her size may be, should call her own nephew

her uncle, I can't quite make out. Besides, your name isn't Jack at all; it is Ernest.
Jack. It isn't Ernest; it's Jack.
Algernon. You have always told me it was Ernest. I have introduced you to every one as
Ernest. You answer to the name of Ernest. You look as if your name was Ernest. You are
the most earnest-looking person I ever saw in my life. It is perfectly absurd your saying
that your name isn't Ernest. It's on your cards. Here is one of them. [Taking it from case.]
'Mr. Ernest Worthing, B. 4, The Albany.' I'll keep this as a proof that your name is Ernest
if ever you attempt to deny it to me, or to Gwendolen, or to any one else. [Puts the card in
his pocket.]
Jack. Well, my name is Ernest in town and Jack in the country, and the cigarette case was
given to me in the country.
Algernon. Yes, but that does not account for the fact that your small Aunt Cecily, who
lives at Tunbridge Wells, calls you her dear uncle. Come, old boy, you had much better
have the thing out at once.
Jack. My dear Algy, you talk exactly as if you were a dentist. It is very vulgar to talk like
a dentist when one isn't a dentist. It produces a false impression,
Algernon. Well, that is exactly what dentists always do. Now, go on! Tell me the whole
thing. I may mention that I have always suspected you of being a confirmed and secret
Bunburyist; and I am quite sure of it now.
Jack. Bunburyist? What on earth do you mean by a Bunburyist?
Algernon. I'll reveal to you the meaning of that incomparable expression as soon as you
are kind enough to inform me why you are Ernest in town and Jack in the country.
Jack. Well, produce my cigarette case first.
Algernon. Here it is. [Hands cigarette case.] Now produce your explanation, and pray
make it improbable. [Sits on sofa.]
Jack. My dear fellow, there is nothing improbable about my explanation at all. In fact it's
perfectly ordinary. Old Mr. Thomas Cardew, who adopted me when I was a little boy,
made me in his will guardian to his grand-daughter, Miss Cecily Cardew. Cecily, who
addresses me as her uncle from motives of respect that you could not possibly appreciate,
lives at my place in the country under the charge of her admirable governess, Miss Prism.
Algernon. Where is that place in the country, by the way?
Jack. That is nothing to you, dear boy. You are not going to be invited . . . I may tell you
candidly that the place is not in Shropshire.
Algernon. I suspected that, my dear fellow! I have Bunburyed all over Shropshire on two

separate occasions. Now, go on. Why are you Ernest in town and Jack in the country?
Jack. My dear Algy, I don't know whether you will be able to understand my real motives.
You are hardly serious enough. When one is placed in the position of guardian, one has to
adopt a very high moral tone on all subjects. It's one's duty