The Imaginary Invalid | Page 2

So that during this month I have taken one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight mixtures, and one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve clysters; and last month there were twelve mixtures and twenty clysters. I am not astonished, therefore, that I am not so well this month as last. I shall speak to Mr. Purgon about it, so that he may set the matter right. Come, let all this be taken away. (_He sees that no one comes, and that he is alone._) Nobody. It's no use, I am always left alone; there's no way of keeping them here. (_He rings a hand-bell._) They don't hear, and my bell doesn't make enough noise. (_He rings again._) No one. (_He rings again._) Toinette! (_He rings again._) It's just as if I didn't ring at all. You hussy! you jade! (_He rings again._) Confound it all! (_He rings and shouts._) Deuce take you, you wretch!

SCENE II.--ARGAN, TOINETTE.
TOI. Coming, coming.
ARG. Ah! you jade, you wretch!
TOI. (_pretending to have knocked her head_). Bother your impatience! You hurry me so much that I have knocked my head against the window-shutter.
ARG. (_angry_). You vixen!
TOI. (interrupting ARGAN). Oh!
ARG. There is....
TOI. Oh!
ARG. For the last hour I....
TOI. Oh!
ARG. You have left me....
TOI. Oh!
ARG. Be silent! you baggage, and let me scold you.
TOI. Well! that's too bad after what I have done to myself.
ARG. You make me bawl till my throat is sore, you jade!
TOI. And you, you made me break my head open; one is just as bad as the other; so, with your leave, we are quits.
ARG. What! you hussy....
TOI. If you go on scolding me, I shall cry.
ARG. To leave me, you....
TOI. (again interrupting ARGAN.) Oh!
ARG. You would....
TOI. (_still interrupting him_). Oh!
ARG. What! shall I have also to give up the pleasure of scolding her?
TOI. Well, scold as much as you please; do as you like.
ARG. You prevent me, you hussy, by interrupting me every moment.
TOI. If you have the pleasure of scolding, I surely can have that of crying. Let every one have his fancy; 'tis but right. Oh! oh!
ARG. I must give it up, I suppose. Take this away, take this away, you jade. Be careful to have some broth ready, for the other that I am to take soon.
TOI. This Mr. Fleurant and Mr. Purgon amuse themselves finely with your body. They have a rare milch-cow in you, I must say; and I should like them to tell me what disease it is you have for them to physic you so.
ARG. Hold your tongue, simpleton; it is not for you to control the decrees of the faculty. Ask my daughter Angélique to come to me. I have something to tell her.
TOI. Here she is, coming of her own accord; she must have guessed your thoughts.

SCENE III.--ARGAN, ANGéLIQUE, TOINETTE.
ARG. You come just in time; I want to speak to you.
ANG. I am quite ready to hear you.
ARG. Wait a moment. (To TOINETTE) Give me my walking-stick; I'll come back directly.
TOI. Go, Sir, go quickly; Mr. Fleurant gives us plenty to do.

SCENE IV.--ANGéLIQUE, TOINETTE.
ANG. Toinette!
TOI. Well! what?
ANG. Look at me a little.
TOI. Well, I am looking at you.
ANG. Toinette!
TOI. Well! what, Toinette?
ANG. Don't you guess what I want to speak about?
TOI. Oh! yes, I have some slight idea that you want to speak of our young lover, for it is of him we have been speaking for the last six days, and you are not well unless you mention him at every turn.
ANG. Since you know what it is I want, why are you not the first to speak to me of him? and why do you not spare me the trouble of being the one to start the conversation?
TOI. You don't give me time, and you are so eager that it is difficult to be beforehand with you on the subject.
ANG. I acknowledge that I am never weary of speaking of him, and that my heart takes eager advantage of every moment I have to open my heart to you. But tell me, Toinette, do you blame the feelings I have towards him?
TOI. I am far from doing so.
ANG. Am I wrong in giving way to these sweet impressions?
TOI. I don't say that you are.
ANG. And would you have me insensible to the tender protestations of ardent love which he shows me?
TOI. Heaven forbid!
ANG. Tell me, do you not see, as I do, Something providential, some act of destiny in the unexpected adventure from which our acquaintance originated?
TOI. Yes.
ANG. That it is impossible to act more generously?
TOI. Agreed.
ANG. And that he did all this with the greatest possible grace?
TOI. Oh! yes.
ANG. Do you not think, Toinette, that he is very handsome?
TOI. Certainly.
ANG. That he has the best manners in the world?
TOI. No doubt about it.
ANG. That there