The House of Torchy | Page 5

that believes in home and hubby."
"We-e-e-ell," says Vee, lockin' her fingers and restin' her chin on 'em thoughtful, "not precisely that type, either. My mind may not be particularly advanced, but the modified harem existence for women doesn't appeal to me. And I must confess that, with kitchenette breakfasts, dinners out, and one maid, I can't get wildly excited over a wholly domestic career. Torchy, I simply must have something to do."
Me, I just sits there gawpin' at her.
"Why," says I, "I thought that when a girl got married she--she----"
"I know," says she. "You think you thought. So did I. But you really didn't think about it at all, and I'm only beginning to. Of course, you have your work. I suppose it's interesting, too. Isn't it?"
"It's a great game," says I. "Specially these days, when doin' any kind of business is about as substantial as jugglin' six china plates while you're balanced on top of two chairs and a kitchen table. Honest, we got deals enough in the air to make you dizzy followin' 'em. If they all go through we'll stand to cut a melon that would pay off the national debt. If they should all go wrong--well, it would be some smash, believe me."
Vee's gray eyes light up sudden.
"Why couldn't you tell me all about some of these deals," she says, "so that I could be in it too? Why couldn't I help?"
"Maybe you could," says I, "if you understood all the fine points."
"Couldn't I learn?" demands Vee.
"Well," says I, "I've been right in the thick of it for quite some years. If you could pick up in a week or so what it's taken me years to----"
"I see," cuts in Vee. "I suppose you're right, too. But I'm sure that I should like to be in business. It must be fascinating, all that planning and scheming. It must make life so interesting."
I nods. "It does," says I.
"Then why shouldn't I try something of the kind, all my very own?" she asks. "Oh, in a small way, at first?"
More gasps from me. This was gettin' serious.
"You don't mean margin dabblin' at one of them parlor bucket-shops, do you?" I demands.
"No fear," says Vee. "I think gambling is just plain stupid. I mean some sort of legitimate business--buying and selling things."
"Oh!" says I. "Like real estate, or imported hats, or somebody's home-made candy? Or maybe you mean startin' one of them Blue Goose novelty shops down in Greenwich Village. I'll tell you. Why not manufacture left-handed collar buttons for the south-paw trade? There's a field."
Vee don't say any more. In fact, three or four days goes by without her mentionin' anything about havin' nothing to do, and I'd 'most forgot this batty talk of ours.
And then, one afternoon when I comes home after a busy day at doin' nothing much and tryin' to look important over it, she greets me with a flyin' tackle and drags me over to a big wingchair by the window.
"What do you think, Torchy?" says she. "I've found something!"
"That trunk key you've been lookin' for?" says I.
"No," says she. "A business opening."
"A slot-machine to sell fudge?" says I.
"You'd never guess," says she.
"Then shoot it," says I.
"I'm going to open a shoe-shinery," she announces.
"Wha-a-a-at!" says I.
"Only I'm not going to call it that," she goes on. "It isn't to be a 'parlor,' either, nor a 'shine shop.' It's to be just a 'Boots.' Right here in the building. I've leased part of the basement. See?" And she waves a paper at me.
"Quit your kiddin'," says I.
But she insists that it's so. Sure enough, that's the way the lease reads.
And that's when, as I was tellin' you, I rises up majestic and announces flat that she simply can't do a thing like that. Also she comes back at me just as prompt by sayin' that she can and will. It's the first time we've met head-on goin' different ways, and I had just sense enough to throw in my emergency before the crash came.
"Now let's get this straight," says I. "I don't suppose you're plannin' to do shoe-shinin' yourself?"
Vee smiles and shakes her head.
"Or 'tend the cash register and sell shoelaces and gum to gentlemen customers?"
"Oh, it's not to be that sort of place," says she. "It's to be an English 'boots,' on a large scale. You know what I mean."
"No," says I.
So she sketches out the enterprise for me. Instead of a reg'lar Tony joint with a row of chairs and a squad of blue-shirted Greeks jabberin' about the war, this is to be a chairless, spittoonless shine factory, where the customer only steps in to sign a monthly contract or register a kick. All the work is to be collected and delivered, same as laundry.
"I would never have thought of it," explains Vee,