The Guardian Angel | Page 7

the Europa at
Halifax, 15th, was spread out in the amplest dimensions the type of the
office could supply. More battles! The Allies victorious! The King and
General Cialdini beat the Austrians at Palestro! 400 Austrians drowned
in a canal! Anti-French feeling in Germany! Allgermine Zeiturg talks
of conquest of Allsatia and Loraine and the occupation of Paris!
[Vicious digs with a pencil through the above proper names.] Race for
the Derby won by Sir Joseph Hawley's Musjid! [That's what England
cares for! Hooray for the Darby! Italy be deedeed!] Visit of Prince

Alfred to the Holy Land. Letter from our, own Correspondent. [Oh! Oh!
A West Minkville?] Cotton advanced. Breadstuffs declining.--Deacon
Rumrill's barn burned down on Saturday night. A pig missing;
supposed to have "fallen a prey to the devouring element." [Got
roasted.] A yellow mineral had been discovered on the Doolittle farm,
which, by the report of those who had seen it, bore a strong
resemblance to California gold ore. Much excitement in the
neighborhood in consequence [Idiots! Iron pyrites!] A hen at Four
Corners had just laid an egg measuring 7 by 8 inches. Fetch on your
biddies! [Editorial wit!] A man had shot an eagle measuring six feet
and a half from tip to tip of his wings.--Crops suffering for want of rain
[Always just so. "Dry times, Father Noah!"] The editors had received a
liberal portion of cake from the happy couple whose matrimonial union
was recorded in the column dedicated to Hymen. Also a superior article
of [article of! bah!] steel pen from the enterprising merchant
[shopkeeper] whose advertisement was to be found on the third page of
this paper.--An interesting Surprise Party [cheap theatricals] had
transpired [bah!] on Thursday evening last at the house of the Rev. Mr.
Stoker. The parishioners had donated [donated! GIVE is a good word
enough for the Lord's Prayer. DONATE our daily bread!] a bag of meal,
a bushel of beans, a keg of pickles, and a quintal of salt-fish. The
worthy pastor was much affected, etc., etc. [Of course. Call'em.
SENSATION parties and done with it!] The Rev. Dr. Pemberton and
the venerable Dr. Hurlbut honored the occasion with their
presence.--We learn that the Rev. Ambrose Eveleth, rector of St.
Bartholomew's Chapel, has returned from his journey, and will officiate
to-morrow.
Then came strings of advertisements, with a luxuriant vegetation of
capitals and notes of admiration. More of those PRIME GOODS! Full
Assortments of every Article in our line! [Except the one thing you
want!] Auction Sale. Old furniture, feather-beds, bed-spreads [spreads!
ugh!], setts [setts!] crockery-ware, odd vols., ullage bbls. of this and
that, with other household goods, etc., etc., etc.,--the etceteras meaning
all sorts of insane movables, such as come out of their bedlam-holes
when an antiquated domestic establishment disintegrates itself at a
country "vandoo."--Several announcements of "Feed," whatever that

may be,--not restaurant dinners, anyhow,--also of "Shorts,"--terms
mysterious to city ears as jute and cudbear and gunnybags to such as
drive oxen in the remote interior districts.--Then the marriage column
above alluded to, by the fortunate recipients of the cake. Right opposite,
as if for matrimonial ground-bait, a Notice that Whereas my wife,
Lucretia Babb, has left my bed and board, I will not be responsible, etc.,
etc., from this date.--Jacob Penhallow (of the late firm Wibird and
Penhallow) had taken Mr. William Murray Bradshaw into partnership,
and the business of the office would be carried on as usual under the
title Penhallow and Bradshaw, Attorneys at Law. Then came the
standing professional card of Dr. Lemuel Hurlbut and Dr. Fordyce
Hurlbut, the medical patriarch of the town and his son. Following this,
hideous quack advertisements, some of them with the certificates of
Honorables, Esquires, and Clergymen.--Then a cow, strayed or stolen
from the subscriber.--Then the advertisement referred to in our first
paragraph:
MYRTLE HAZARD has been missing from her home in this place
since Thursday morning, June 16th. She is fifteen years old, tall and
womanly for her age, has dark hair and eyes, fresh complexion, regular
features, pleasant smile and voice, but shy with strangers. Her common
dress was a black and white gingham check, straw hat, trimmed with
green ribbon. It is feared she may have come to harm in some way, or
be wandering at large in a state of temporary mental alienation. Any
information relating to the missing child will be gratefully received and
properly rewarded by her afflicted aunt,
MISS SILENCE WITHERS, Residing at the Withers Homestead,
otherwise known as "The Poplars," in this village.
CHAPTER II.
GREAT EXCITEMENT
The publication of the advertisement in the paper brought the village
fever of the last two days to its height. Myrtle Hazard's disappearance
had been pretty well talked round through the immediate neighborhood,

but now that forty-eight hours of search and inquiry had not