The Great Adventure | Page 8

do something silly with his money, and I'm relieved to find it's no
worse. In fact, the idea of a great public institution in London being
associated with my family is rather pleasant.
CARVE. But he meant to destroy that will long since.
CYRUS. (As he cons the will.) How do you know? Has he made a later
will?
CARVE. No.
CYRUS. Well, then! Besides, I fail to see why you should be so
anxious to have it destroyed. You come into eighty pounds a year under
it.
CARVE. I was forgetting that.
CYRUS. (Reading.) "I bequeath to my servant, Albert Shawn, who I
am convinced is a thorough rascal, but who is an unrivalled valet,
courier, and factotum, the sum of eighty pounds a year for life, payable
quarterly in advance, provided he is in my service at the time of my
death."
(CARVE laughs shortly.)
You don't want to lose that, do you? Of course, if the term "thorough
rascal" is offensive to you, you can always decline the money. (Folds
up will and puts it in his pocket--CARVE walks about.) Now where's
the doctor?
CARVE. He's left his card. There it is.
CYRUS. He might have waited.
CARVE. Yes. But he didn't. His house is only three doors off.
CYRUS. (Looking at his watch.) I'll go in and see him about the
certificate. Now you haven't begun to put your things together, and

you've only got a bit over half an hour. In less than that time I shall be
back. I shall want to look through your luggage before you leave.
CARVE. (Lightly.) Shall you?
CYRUS. By the way, you have a latchkey? (CARVE nods.) Give it me,
please.
(CARVE surrenders latchkey.)
(CYRUS turns to go--As he is disappearing through the door, L.,
CARVE starts forward.)
CARVE. I say.
CYRUS. What now?
CARVE. (Subsiding weakly.) Nothing.
(Exit CYRUS. Sound of front door opening and of voices in hall.)
(Then re-enter CYRUS with JANET CANNOT.)
CYRUS. This is Mr. Albert Shawn. Shawn, a friend of yours.
(Exit L.)
CARVE. (Pleased.) Oh! You!
JANET. Good-morning. D'you know, I had a suspicion the other night
that you must be Mr. Shawn?
CARVE. Had you? Well, will you sit down--er--I say (with a humorous
mysterious air). What do you think of that chap? (Pointing in direction
of hall.)
JANET. Who is it?
CARVE. It's Mr. Cyrus Carve. The great West End auctioneer.
(Sound of front-door shutting rather too vigorously.)
JANET. Well, I see no reason why he should look at me as if I'd
insulted him.
CARVE. Did he?
JANET. "Good-morning," I said to him. "Excuse me, but are you Mr.
Albert Shawn?" Because I wasn't sure, you know. And he looked.
CARVE. (After laughing.) The man is an ass.
JANET. Is he?
CARVE. Not content with being an ass merely, he is a pompous and a
stupid ass. (Laughs again to himself.) Now there is something very
important that he ought to know, and he wouldn't let me tell him.
JANET. Really?
CARVE. Yes, very important. But no. He wouldn't let me tell him. And
perhaps if I'd told him he wouldn't have believed me.

JANET. What did he do to stop you from telling him?
CARVE. (At a loss, vaguely.) I don't know--Wouldn't let me.
JANET. If you ask me, I should say the truth is, you didn't want to tell
him.
CARVE. (Impressed.) Now I wonder if you're right.
JANET. Well, I don't quite see how anybody can stop anybody from
talking. But even if he did, he can't stop you from writing to him.
CARVE. No, I'm hanged if I write to him!
JANET. Oh, well, that's a proof you didn't want to tell him.
CARVE. Perhaps it is. (After a burst of quiet laughter.) Pardon me.
(Reflective.) I was only thinking what a terrific lark it will be.
JANET. If he never does get to know?
CARVE. If he never does get to know. If nobody ever gets to know.
(Resolved.) No. I'll keep my mouth shut.
JANET. As a general rule, it's the best thing to do.
CARVE. You advise me to keep my mouth shut?
JANET. Not at all. I simply say, as a general rule it's the best thing to
do. But this is no business of mine, and I'm sure I'm not inquisitive.
CARVE. (Solemnly.) He shall go his own way. (Pause.) And
I'll--go--mine.
JANET. (Calmly indifferent.) That's settled, then.
CARVE. (Laughs again to himself, then controls his features.) And that
being settled, the first thing I have to do is to apologize for my
behaviour on Tuesday night.
JANET. Oh, not at all. Seeing how upset you were! And then I'm not
sure whether I shouldn't have done the same thing myself in your place.
CARVE. Done the same yourself?
JANET. Well,