The Glugs of Gosh | Page 3

garden plot."
At half-past two on a Wednesday morn
A most peculiar Glug was
born;
And later on, when he grew a man,
He scoffed and sneered at the
Chosen Plan.
"It's wrong!" said this Glug, whose name was Joi.

"Bah!" said the Glugs. "He's a crazy boy!"
And they climbed the trees, as the West wind stirred,
To hark to the
note of the Guffer Bird.
It seems absurd,
But they're foolishly fond of the Guffer Bird.
And every reed that rustles and sways
By the gurgling river that
plashes and plays,

And the beasts of the dread, neurotic night
All know the Glugs quite
well by sight.
And, "Why," say they; "It is easily done;
For a dexter
Glug's like a sinister one!"
And they climb the trees. Oh, they climb the trees!
And they bark
their knuckles, and chafe their knees;
And 'tis one of the world's great
mysteries
That things like these
Get into the serious histories.
III. THE STONES OF GOSH
Now, here is a tale of the Glugs of Gosh,
And a wonderful tale I ween,
Of the Glugs of Gosh and their great
King Splosh,
And Tush, his virtuous Queen.
And here is a tale of the crafty Ogs,
In their neighbouring land of Podge;
Of their sayings and doings and
plottings and brewings,
And something about Sir Stodge.
Wise to profundity,
Stout to rotundity,
That was the Knight, Sir
Stodge.
Oh, the King was rich, and the Queen was fair,
And they made a very
respectable pair.
And whenever a Glug in that peaceful land,
Did anything no one
could understand,
The Knight, Sir Stodge, he looked in a book,
And
charged that Glug with a crime called Crook.
And the great Judge Fudge, who wore for a hat
The sacred skin of a
tortoiseshell cat,
He fined that Glug for his action rash,
And
frequently asked a deposit in cash.

Then every Glug, he went home to his rest
With his head in a bag and
his toes to the West;
For they knew it was best,
Since their grandpas slept with their toes
to the West.
But all of the tale that is so far told
Has nothing whatever to do
With the Ogs of Podge, and their crafty
dodge,
And the trade in pickles and glue.
To trade with the Glugs came the
Ogs to Gosh,
And they said in seductive tones,
"We'll sell you pianers and pickels
and spanners
For seventeen shiploads of stones:
Smooth 'uns or nobbly 'uns,
Firm 'uns or wobbly 'uns,
All we ask is
stones."
And the King said, "What?" and the Queen said, "Why,
That is
awfully cheap to the things I buy!
For that grocer of ours in the light brown hat
Asks two and eleven for
pickles like that!"
But a Glug stood up with a wart on his nose,
And
cried, "Your Majesties! Ogs is foes!"
But the Glugs cried, "Peace! Will you hold your jaw!
How did our
grandpas fashion the law?"
Said the Knight, Sir Stodge, as he opened
his Book,
"When the goods were cheap then the goods we took."
So they fined the Glug with the wart on his nose
For wearing a wart
with his everyday clothes.
And the goods were brought home thro' a
Glug named Ghones;
And the Ogs went home with their loads of
stones,

Which they landed with glee in the land of Podge.
Do you notice the dodge?
Not yet did the Glugs, nor the Knight, Sir
Stodge.
In the following Summer the Ogs came back
With a cargo of eight-day clocks,
And hand-painted screens, and
sewing machines,
And mangles, and scissors, and socks.
And they said, "For these
excellent things we bring
We are ready to take more stones;
And in bricks or road-metal
For goods you will settle
Indented by
your Mister Ghones."
Cried the Glugs praisingly,
"Why how amazingly
Smart of
industrious Ghones!"
And the King said, "Hum," and the Queen said, "Oo!
That curtain!
What a bee-ootiful blue!"
But a Glug stood up with some very large ears,
And said, "There is
more in this thing than appears!
And we ought to be taxing those
goods of the Ogs,
Or our industries soon will be gone to the dogs."
And the King said, "Bosh! You're un-Gluggish and rude!" And the
Queen said, "What an absurd attitude!"
Then the Glugs cried, "Down
with political quacks!
How did our grandpas look at a tax?"
So the Knight, Sir Stodge, he opened his Book.
"No tax," said he,
"wherever I look."
Then they fined the Glug with the prominent ears

For being old-fashioned by several years;
And the Ogs went home with the stones, full-steam.

Did you notice the scheme?
Nor yet did the Glugs in their dreamiest
dreams.
Then every month to the land of the Gosh
The Ogs, they continued to come,
With buttons and hooks, and
medical books,
And rotary engines, and rum,
Large cases with labels, occasional
tables,
Hair tonic and fiddles and 'phones;
And the Glugs, while copncealing
their joy in the dealing,
Paid promptly in nothing but stones.
Why, it was screamingly
Laughable, seemingly---
Asking for
nothing but stones!
And the