The Garotters | Page 6

him?
WHERE was he robbed?'
MRS. ROBERTS: 'He was attacked by two garotters--'
ROBERTS: 'No, no--'
MRS. ROBERTS: 'Don't speak, Edward! I KNOW there were two. On
the Common. Not half an hour ago. As he was going to get me some
rosebuds. In the midst of this terrible storm.'
MRS. CRASHAW: 'Is this true, Edward?'
MRS. ROBERTS: 'Don't answer, Edward! One of the band threw his
arm round Edward's neck--so.' She illustrates by garotting Mrs.
Crashaw, who disengages herself with difficulty.
MRS. CRASHAW: 'Mercy, child! What ARE you doing to my lace?'
MRS. ROBERTS: 'And the other one snatched his watch, and ran as
fast as he could.'
MRS. CRASHAW: 'Willis's watch? Why, he's got it on.'
MRS. ROBERTS, with proud delight: 'Exactly what I said when he
told me.' Then, very solemnly: 'And do you know WHY he's got it
on?-- 'Sh, Edward! I WILL tell! Because he ran after them and took it
back again.'
MRS. CRASHAW: 'Why, they might have killed him!'
MRS. ROBERTS: 'Of COURSE they might. But EDWARD didn't care.
The idea of being robbed at six o'clock on the Common made him so
furious that he scorned to cry out for help, or call the police, or
anything; but he just ran after them--'
ROBERTS: 'Agnes! Agnes! There was only ONE.'
MRS. ROBERTS: 'Nonsense, Edward! How could you tell, so excited
as you were?--And caught hold of the largest of the wretches--a perfect
young giant--'

ROBERTS: 'No, no; not a GIANT, my dear.'
MRS. ROBERTS: 'Well, he was YOUNG, anyway!--And flung him on
the ground.' She advances upon Mrs. Crashaw in her enthusiasm.
MRS. CRASHAW: 'Don't you fling ME on the ground, Agnes! I won't
have it.'
MRS. ROBERTS: 'And tore his coat open, while all the rest were
tugging at him, and snatched his watch, and then--and then just walked
coolly away.'
ROBERTS: 'No, my dear; I ran as fast as I could.'
MRS. ROBERTS: 'Well, RAN. It's quite the same thing, and I'm just as
proud of you as if you had walked. Of course you were not going to
throw your life away.'
MRS. CRASHAW: 'I think he did a very silly thing in going after them
at all.'
ROBERTS: 'Why, of course, if I'd thought twice about it, I shouldn't
have done it.'
MRS. ROBERTS: 'Of course you wouldn't, dear! And that's what I
want him to promise, Aunt Mary: never to do it again, no matter HOW
much he's provoked. I want him to promise it right here in your
presence, Aunt Mary!'
MRS. CRASHAW: 'I think it's much more important he should put on
another collar and--shirt, if he's going to see company.'
MRS. ROBERTS: 'Yes; go right off at once, Edward. How you DO
think of things, Aunt Mary! I really suppose I should have gone on all
night and never noticed his looks. Run, Edward, and do it, dear.
But--kiss me first! Oh, it DON'T seem as if you could be alive and well
after it all! Are you sure you're not hurt?'
ROBERTS, embracing her: 'No; I'm all right.'
MRS. ROBERTS: 'And you're not injured internally? Sometimes
they're injured internally--aren't they, Aunt Mary?--and it doesn't show
till months afterwards. Are you sure?'
ROBERTS, making a cursory examination of his ribs with his hands:
'Yes, I think so.'
MRS. ROBERTS: 'And you don't feel any bad effects from the cologne
NOW? Just think, Aunt Mary, I gave him cologne to drink, and poured
the brandy on his head, when he came in! But I was determined to keep
calm, whatever I did. And if I've poisoned him I'm quite willing to die

for it--oh, quite! I would gladly take the blame of it before the whole
world.'
MRS. CRASHAW: 'Well, for pity's sake, let the man go and make
himself decent. There's your bell now.'
MRS. ROBERTS: 'Yes, do go, Edward. But--kiss me--'
MRS. CRASHAW: 'He DID kiss you, Agnes. Don't be a simpleton!'
MRS. ROBERTS: 'Did he? Well, kiss me again, then, Edward. And
now do go, dear. M-m-m-m.' The inarticulate endearments represented
by these signs terminate in a wild embrace, protracted halfway across
the room, in the height of which Mr. Willis Campbell enters.

SCENE III: MR. CAMPBELL, MRS. CRASHAW, MR. AND MRS.
ROBERTS

WILLIS, pausing in contemplation: 'Hello! What's the matter? What's
she trying to get out of you, Roberts? Don't you do it, anyway, old
fellow.'
MRS. ROBERTS, in an ecstasy of satisfaction: 'Willis! Oh, you've
come in time to see him just as he is. Look at him, Willis!' In the excess
of her emotion she twitches her husband about, and with his arm fast in
her clutch, presents him in the disadvantageous effect of having just
been taken into custody. Under these circumstances Roberts's attempt
at an expression of