The Garotters | Page 6

it on?-- 'Sh, Edward! I WILL tell! Because he ran after them and took it back again.'
MRS. CRASHAW: 'Why, they might have killed him!'
MRS. ROBERTS: 'Of COURSE they might. But EDWARD didn't care. The idea of being robbed at six o'clock on the Common made him so furious that he scorned to cry out for help, or call the police, or anything; but he just ran after them--'
ROBERTS: 'Agnes! Agnes! There was only ONE.'
MRS. ROBERTS: 'Nonsense, Edward! How could you tell, so excited as you were?--And caught hold of the largest of the wretches--a perfect young giant--'
ROBERTS: 'No, no; not a GIANT, my dear.'
MRS. ROBERTS: 'Well, he was YOUNG, anyway!--And flung him on the ground.' She advances upon Mrs. Crashaw in her enthusiasm.
MRS. CRASHAW: 'Don't you fling ME on the ground, Agnes! I won't have it.'
MRS. ROBERTS: 'And tore his coat open, while all the rest were tugging at him, and snatched his watch, and then--and then just walked coolly away.'
ROBERTS: 'No, my dear; I ran as fast as I could.'
MRS. ROBERTS: 'Well, RAN. It's quite the same thing, and I'm just as proud of you as if you had walked. Of course you were not going to throw your life away.'
MRS. CRASHAW: 'I think he did a very silly thing in going after them at all.'
ROBERTS: 'Why, of course, if I'd thought twice about it, I shouldn't have done it.'
MRS. ROBERTS: 'Of course you wouldn't, dear! And that's what I want him to promise, Aunt Mary: never to do it again, no matter HOW much he's provoked. I want him to promise it right here in your presence, Aunt Mary!'
MRS. CRASHAW: 'I think it's much more important he should put on another collar and--shirt, if he's going to see company.'
MRS. ROBERTS: 'Yes; go right off at once, Edward. How you DO think of things, Aunt Mary! I really suppose I should have gone on all night and never noticed his looks. Run, Edward, and do it, dear. But--kiss me first! Oh, it DON'T seem as if you could be alive and well after it all! Are you sure you're not hurt?'
ROBERTS, embracing her: 'No; I'm all right.'
MRS. ROBERTS: 'And you're not injured internally? Sometimes they're injured internally--aren't they, Aunt Mary?--and it doesn't show till months afterwards. Are you sure?'
ROBERTS, making a cursory examination of his ribs with his hands: 'Yes, I think so.'
MRS. ROBERTS: 'And you don't feel any bad effects from the cologne NOW? Just think, Aunt Mary, I gave him cologne to drink, and poured the brandy on his head, when he came in! But I was determined to keep calm, whatever I did. And if I've poisoned him I'm quite willing to die for it--oh, quite! I would gladly take the blame of it before the whole world.'
MRS. CRASHAW: 'Well, for pity's sake, let the man go and make himself decent. There's your bell now.'
MRS. ROBERTS: 'Yes, do go, Edward. But--kiss me--'
MRS. CRASHAW: 'He DID kiss you, Agnes. Don't be a simpleton!'
MRS. ROBERTS: 'Did he? Well, kiss me again, then, Edward. And now do go, dear. M-m-m-m.' The inarticulate endearments represented by these signs terminate in a wild embrace, protracted halfway across the room, in the height of which Mr. Willis Campbell enters.

SCENE III: MR. CAMPBELL, MRS. CRASHAW, MR. AND MRS. ROBERTS

WILLIS, pausing in contemplation: 'Hello! What's the matter? What's she trying to get out of you, Roberts? Don't you do it, anyway, old fellow.'
MRS. ROBERTS, in an ecstasy of satisfaction: 'Willis! Oh, you've come in time to see him just as he is. Look at him, Willis!' In the excess of her emotion she twitches her husband about, and with his arm fast in her clutch, presents him in the disadvantageous effect of having just been taken into custody. Under these circumstances Roberts's attempt at an expression of diffident heroism fails; he looks sneaking, he looks guilty, and his eyes fall under the astonished regard of his brother-in-law.
WILLIS: 'What's the matter with him? What's he been doing?'
MRS. ROBERTS: ''Sh, Edward! What's he been doing? What does he look as if he had been doing?'
MRS. CRASHAW: 'Agnes--'
WILLIS: 'He looks as if he had been signing the pledge. And he-- smells like it.'
MRS. ROBERTS: 'For shame, Willis! I should think you'd sink through the floor. Edward, not a word! I AM ashamed of him, if he IS my brother.'
WILLIS: 'Why, what in the world's up, Agnes?'
MRS. ROBERTS: 'Up? He's been ROBBED!--robbed on the Common, not five minutes ago! A whole gang of garotters surrounded him under the Old Elm--or just where it used to be--and took his watch away! And he ran after them, and knocked the largest of the gang down, and took it back again. He wasn't hurt, but we're afraid he's been injured internally; he may be bleeding internally NOW--Oh, do you think he