The First of April | Page 5

William Combe
trace?The faded manners of St. JAMES'S PLACE,?'Till with imperial deeds you blend your fame,?And ROYAL GAZETTES propagate your Name!?Ye blazing Patriots who of Freedom boast,?'Till in a gaol your Liberties are lost!?Ye Noble Fair, who, _satisfied with Show_,?Court the light, frothy flatteries of a _Beau_!?Ye high-born Peers, whose ardor to excel,?Grows from the beauties of some modish _Belle_!?Ye jocund Crowd, of every degree,?Welcome, thrice welcome, to this place and me!?--Haste--on the Altar your best offerings leave;?And, in return, my favouring smiles receive!?First let the PEERAGE come:--'tis my decree?To pay all Honours to _Precedency_."
At her command, the pressing Crowds retreat:?When D----, uprising from her feat,?With careless gesture to the Altar moves.?Then _Virtue_ shriek'd,--and all the _Laughing Loves_?That play'd around, droop'd instant with dismay,?And spread their wings, and, weeping, fled away!
The Noble Dame her offering now prepares.--?A Father's counsels, and a Mother's cares.?Upon the Altar's gilded surface lie,?With winning grace, and sweet simplicity;?The gay, yet decent, look; the modest air,?Which loves the brow of Youth, and triumphs there;?The power to give delight, devoid of art,?Which stole unconscious o'er the Lover's heart;?The wish to bless, with all those Virgin charms?Which heighten'd rapture in a Husband's arms;?Each infant friendship, each domestic care,?Each elevated thought was offer'd there.?Nor did the _lavish Votary_ deny?One solid charm,--but chilling Chastity.?Enraptur'd FOLLY bless'd the lucky hour?That gave so fair a subject to her power.?Nor did the long delay, with circling hand,?To wave around the Fair her magic wand.?When, lo!--the sudden Plumes her temples grac'd;?The yielding Stays sink downwards to the waist;?And, strange to tell, her rosy lips dispense?_Double-entendres_ and Impertinence.
Throughout the Hall a loud applause was heard,?Nor ceas'd till D----'s airy form appear'd.?No common offering she seem'd to bear;?Connubial tenderness,--the watchful care?Which tender Infants from their Mothers claim,?The sage demeanor, and the blameless name?In which High Life should ever be array'd,?Her steady hand upon the Altar laid.
The Queen with laughter loud her joy exprest,?And, strait, I saw the giddy _Countess_ drest?In Infant's garb, and like an Infant smil'd;?The Parent now was sunk into the Child.?The rattle pleas'd it, and the painted toy;?Awhile the trifles charm, but soon they cloy.?Anon she cries,--for some new play distrest,?'Till FETES CHAMPETRES hush it into rest.
Next B---- was seen, whose sprightly eye?Beam'd with the pertness of Vivacity.?To the gay shrine the wanton Fair proceeds,?And, smiling, offers up her Widow's weeds.?Here E----'s chaste vows, and proffer'd love,?With _Hymeneal_ garlands interwove,?And injur'd D----'s unavailing sighs,?Together form an ample sacrifice.
Delighted FOLLY wav'd her pow'rful wand!?A sprightly figure came at her command;?Its face of GALLIC mould and sallow hue.?And o'er his shoulder hung the _Cordon Bleu_.?Up-rose the QUEEN.--"My favourite Prince, she cried,?To me and to my House so near allied,?To you I shall resign no common care:?Beneath your wing I place a favourite Fair.?Regardless of her Children's growing years,?Deaf to their prattle, heedless of their tears;?Tir'd of her native land, and pleasant home,?On foreign shores she languishes to roam;?In foreign Courts to play coquettish arts,?And dart her lightnings into foreign hearts.?Yours is the Court where she would wish to shine;?And where's the heart so soon inflam'd as thine?"?She spoke.--They heard their Mistress with delight;?When, in a cloud, she veil'd them from my sight.
The painted A----, who appear'd once more,?To do what she'd so often done before,?Approach'd the Altar, to deposite there?Each thought, each action of the finish'd year.?Alone the Lady came,--alone return'd;?None joy'd her presence,--none her absence mourn'd.
Next M---- came, whose pleasing looks disclose?Charms which must soften her severest foes.?Plac'd by her hand upon the Altar, lie?Each _single Item of Oeconomy_;?While her good, easy Lord the rite survey'd,?And ratified the sacrifice she made.?Tho' small the Offering seem'd, in truth, 'twas great;?It was the Fragment of his vast Estate.?E'en FOLLY saw their gay career must end,?But, for their duties past, now prov'd their friend;?And gave a Book that teaches the repair?Of ruin'd Fortunes _in a foreign Air_.
But now advanc'd a melancholy Train:--?In plaintive notes the breathing flutes complain.?And lo! the sorrowing D---- then succeeds,?In all the mournful pomp of Widows' weeds.?I heard her loud lament and bitter moan,?Not for a Husband, but a Title gone.?Close by her side I saw the _illustrious_ Dame?Whom Wits the _Modern Messalina_ name;?Who whisper'd comfort to the mourning Fair,?And told of joys which blooming Widows share;?Whose easy life no haughty ruler knows;?Who, when th' awaken'd passion wanton grows,?May, where her fancy leads, allay the flame,?Nor fear a husband's threats or ruin'd fame.?'Twas thus the BELDAME counsel'd; nor in vain?Did she pour forth th' admonitory strain.
The weeping Fair before the Altar stood,?In all the dignity of Widowhood.?First, from her eyes she wip'd away the tears;?And then the solemn offering prepares.?--Connubial love,--the Altar's sacred tie,-- }?Pure thoughts, chaste words, and many a tender sigh }?Which issued from the breast of virtuous A----ry; }?With golden prospects, and a future claim?To the fair glories of a titled name;?All
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