The First Soprano | Page 9

truth," she said. "And if everybody else goes on
with the farce I will do as he said to father at dinner: 'refuse to add one
unit to the aggregation of untrue worshipers.' I'll join Hubert outside of
it all before I will go on!"
Then she wept afresh, for the vision of isolation "outside of it all" was
too painful. The presence of God had grown awesome and the light of
His eyes intolerable, but outside was darkness unbearable. She flung
herself down beside the bed where many a time she had "said prayers"
at night, and sobbed:
"O God, I am not a true worshiper, but I wish I were! I have drawn nigh
to Thee with my lips while my heart was far from Thee. I have been a
lie. Oh, make me true! make me true!"
After this outburst of prayer she was calmer, but remained silently upon
her knees by the bedside. Gradually there came to her memory the
substance of other words the minister had said;
"Into the presence and unto the very heart of God there is a
blood-bought way opened by our blessed Christ for the most wicked
one who wishes to take it."
"Is there a way for me," she prayed, "a way to come to Thee just as I
am?" And the sound of her own words brought back the memory of the
old song, familiar since her childhood:
"Just as I am without one plea, But that Thy blood was shed for me,
And that Thou bidst me come to Thee, O Lamb of God, I come!"
"O God," she cried, "I can sing that! I do come, just as I am--I do
come!"
A sweet sense of rest, such as she had never known, stole into
Winifred's heart. Some One seemed to be welcoming her with ineffable

tenderness. She was not out in the dark, but was at home with God. The
awful presence she had dreaded was infinitely sweet. At last she stood
in the Holy Place, still foolish, weak, unworthy, but with the glory of
Another's name covering her as with priestly robes, and she worshiped.

CHAPTER III
THE CONFESSION
When Winifred awoke the nest morning it was to wonder if it were
really true--if she had come to God and He had received her. A sweet
rest still in her heart testified to a burden lifted. Her Bible lay open on
the little table where she had found the minister's text while fighting her
battle the day before. A leaf or two had blown over, and she looked
down on the sixth chapter of John and read,
"Him that cometh to Me I will in no wise cast out."
Renewed assurance came with the words.
"I believe it," she said to herself. "I have been very false, but He is true.
He says the truth. I believe it."
The thought of the choir scarcely entered her mind now in her
new-found joy. The question, to sing or not to sing, had shifted to the
deeper one of relationship to God, and the peace that came with its
settlement overshadowed everything else. She went down to breakfast
with a light heart and very cheerful countenance. Hubert looked at her
in surprise from under gloomy brows. His own had been a restless
night.
"Has your headache gone, dear?" asked her mother solicitously.
"Oh, long ago, Mother," said Winifred. She wanted to tell her mother
the better news than of a headache gone, but did not know how to
begin.

They talked of ordinary things until breakfast was nearly over. Then Mr.
Gray said:
"Mr. Mercer was sorry to miss you from the choir last night, Winnie,
and hoped you were not going to be ill."
"Thank you, Father. Mr. Mercer is always very kind."
"He hopes you will surely be at the rehearsal Friday night, as he
expects to take up some specially fine music."
Winifred's heart heat violently as she summoned courage to say:
"I do not think I shall sing in the choir any more, Father."
"Why--what, Winnie? What's that you are saying? You not sing in the
choir any more?"
"What are you saying, Winifred," added Mrs. Gray.
Winifred nerved herself for the statement. It might as well he said now
as ever, while they were all together.
"Yes, Father," she said, "I do not think I can sing in the choir any
longer. I saw very clearly yesterday that I had never been a true
worshiper. I have never meant the words that I sang. I have scarcely
thought about God while I sang words about Him or addressed to Him.
Many of them I could not say honestly. It has all been for effect, and
to--to please you all. So I--I concluded--I--couldn't go