The Fifteen Comforts of Matrimony: Responses from Men | Page 7

to be confin'd, As constant as the Moon, she plays her part, And like a Viper preys upon his Heart: Draws him so poor, till like her Slaves, Which she bestows on some smart Fop she loves, For this is with 'em a perpetual Rule, They never Love the Person that they fool, This he perceives not till it is too late, Till Ruined in his Person and Estate. And then good Night, when all his money's gone, Miss leaves him too, to ply about the Town.
The Eighth Pleasure of a Town Life.
But above all--if't be within thy Power, Oh Fate! to Curse me any mortal more, Let him be him that does so wretched prove, To be with some Intriging Jilt in Love: Nay, tho' in part to mollifie his pain, We'll say the Harlot chance to Love again? I mean such Love as Lewdness can impart, Bred in the Blood--but never in the Heart. With softning presents he would Cure her mind, To him, and only to him, to be Kind. But were the Indies all within his Pow'r To give, he would but lavish all his Store, He might confine the Sea, as soon as her. What then (since Love no Rival will submit) Must he indure that with this plague do's meet: When every Thought is Death and Discontent To know, what he wants power to prevent, The case can only this conclusion have, He's twice more wretched than a Galley-slave.
The Ninth Pleasure of a Town Life.
This has some Jilt for a long time sustain'd, Who has Imperious o'er his Pocket reign'd; At length grown weary of so loose a Life, Or for some other Cause, he takes a wife: The Jilt now like a Fury flings and tears, Ten thousand Oaths to be reveng'd she swears: Threatens to come before his very Door, For Whores are plagues that never give you o'er: There in the open Street to act the Scene, And let the World know what a Spark he's been: This; may be some fair promises prevents, If constantly attended with the pence; For Whores and Fidlers this one Rule advance, Of old; no longer Pipe, no longer Dance. But if the Promis'd Pension he withdraws, The Fury then again Exerts her Claws: Thus he a charge, continual intails, Besides the Curse, the Noise, and all things else;
The Tenth Pleasure of a Town Life,
Another Harlot works by various means, And acts a Jilt's true part behind the Scenes, [*?]nds the kind Bubble of a pliant Size, And Spreads a subtle Net to catch her Prize, With greater ease to drive him in the same, She first obtains his Residence, and Name, Two useful Perquisites for her design; The Shallow Easie Fop to undermine; A Mesiage next she sends to let him know, Convey'd by some such useful Rogue as R----w; That she's with Child--and by the Love she bore, It must be him--for she was never so before. Which he with wonderful Surprize receives, And for the present some few Guineas gives, Thus he's impos'd on by a wretched Cheat, And er'e he finds it out; pays dearly for his Wit.
The Eleventh Pleasure of a Town Life.
Nor this alone Debauch'ry comprehends, The forward Age to other vice descends, And Youth e're he'as attain'd good Sence to think, Addicts himself with Pride, to swear and drink: [*?]'s Rules Immoral from Example take, And e're he's turn'd of fifteen, turns a Rake: [*?]ots in Sin--(nothing that's Lewd shall scape And on his Virgin Health commits a Rape, Forsaking Reason--grows to Vice a Slave, And e'r he's Thirty drops into his Grave.
The Twelfth Plague of a Town Life,
Another has a better Progress made, And binds himself Apprentice to the Trade; A parboyl'd Sot, without one Spark of Grace, Whose nightly Sins are number'd on his Face: Which with the Rags upon his back make out, The very Arms and Ensigns of a Sot: Who like a Rat into Some Corner goes, And dies Unpittied both by Friends and Foes.
The Thirteenth Pleasure of a Town Life.
What do's that Man deserve? to whom his Fate; Has given an ample Stock or an Estate? (That has, perhaps, besides a tender Wife; Yet into Riot and Excess do's fall, And in debauchery consumes it all? And to his Sure Destruction makes such hast; He do's in Body, with his Substance waste: Lives till he want what he had misemply'd And is like one that God had curs'd, Destroy'd.
The Fourteenth Pleasure of a Town Life.
But say that this a Constitution has, Firm and unshaken as a pile of Brass Yet who'd Endure the Palsies, aching Heads? The pains, the Qualms, that nightly Drinking breeds? Perpetual disorder draggs him on, Business Neglected, and himself Undone, A Wretched Life he spends till threescore Years,