The Fifteen Comforts of Matrimony: Responses from Men | Page 5

astray, The Father pointed out the crooked way; And yet the Crosses in a married Life Are all imputed to a Tender Wife: And notwithstanding all this knavish Art, It sooner breaks the Wife's than Husband's Heart.
Answer to the Tenth Mock Comfort.
I wonder where this spiteful Author finds such wanton Women, with such lustful Minds; Unless he speaks by knowledg of his own, Whose Lewdness is the Scandal of the Town; If so, he's not mistaken in his Mark, For Joan's as good as Lady in the Dark: But 'tis unjust to tax all Womankind, With Vices proper to one single mind. If some are bad, I only this shall say, I pity those that wed with such as they.
Answer to the Eleventh Mock Comfort.
This by Experience, as I said before, You speak because you married such a Wh----re; The words themselves as plain, as plain can be Describe your self, that you are only He, The very Actions with your cheating Bride, In lustful Sport, when you lay by her side; How by degrees she did the Fool deceive With fained Blushes make you then believe Her Virgin Fort well fortify'd within, Free from Attacks of such a pleasing Sin: What e'er the Picture wants of being true, Is, that it looks not so deform'd as you.
Answer to the Twelfth Mock Comfort.
Tho' some are blindly led, and others run, And make both haste and speed to be undone; This alters not the Case in any wise, But that a Man sometimes may get a Prize, If some be wanton in obscure Nookes, And Ape the Saint, by framing modest Looks; Deceive the Husband, with her cunning Wiles, And cheat his Senses with her feigned smiles, These (I confess,) are hardships to be born, And worse to think the Fore-head tip'd with Horn, But still good Wives, if any such there be, Are real Comforts of a high Degree.
Answer to the Thirteenth Mock Comfort.
The Lawyer's Wife is brought in for her share, To recompence her Loving Husband's care; As he by Bribes hath Honest Men undone, She gives to Knaves, what he might call his own. But Drugs and Poysons to a married Wife, I cannot understand it for my Life. For she that has a Husband need not fear, But all Suspicion soon will disappear. No matter where or when the Child was got, It always falls unto the Husband's Lot.
Answer to the Fourteenth Mock Comfort.
'Tis true, a Widow always knows the best, To judge those Joys, which some do call a Jest. And if her Second Mate prove weak and dull, With Sorrow then be sure her Heart is full. And who can blame her, if she makes Complaint, For that sweet Comfort to supply her want. Well may she grieve at such a Cross as this, For that one Fault makes all things go amiss. If Husband wants what Widows Nature crave } He'd better be condemn'd to be a Slave, } Or make the Raging Sea his Watry Grave. } But if she finds her Pleasures to encrease, Oh! then (my Husband) how we live in Peace. She's then all Charms, no Comforts here below, Are like what she and her dear Spouse do know.
Answer to the Fifteenth Mock Comfort.
A Peevish Husband makes a peevish Wife, And so brings Scandal on a Married Life. No wonder then if Sickness and Disease, Brought on by Crosses, doth the Body seize. All this is owing to a hair-brain'd Man, Whose base ill nature all the strife began. Then why shou'd Women thus be stil'd a Curse? When Man himself perhaps is ten times worse. Perhaps you'll say this is proposterous, In blaming others I my self expose. I Answer thus, if it was not for shame, I'd this same Minute quite disown the Name. For Men like you, their Names do sound no more, Than if you call'd an Honest Woman Whore.
FINIS.
* * * * *
ADVERTISEMENT.
At the Pastry-School, over against the Compter in Shovel-Ally in Wood-street, near Cheapside; is Sold, a never failing Oyntment that Cures the GOUT, altho the Party be reduced to his Crutches,and that in two or three Days time; having often been found True by Experience, to the great Ease and Comfort of many: It also Cures Rheumatick Pains. Likewise a Cure for the Tooth-Ach, which Infallibly Cures without Drawing.
* * * * *
The Fifteen COMFORTS of Whoring,
OR,
The Pleasures of a Town-Life.
Dedicated to the Youth of the present Age.
By the Author of the Fifteen Comforts of Matrimony.
LONDON Printed in the YEAR, 1706.

The PREFACE.
I am in a little pain lest the Title shou'd give Offence to some, whom I am unwilling to disoblige; yet I hope be more Judicious, when they see the design will allow it both their Pardon and Approbation: for 'tis more