The Fifteen Comforts of Matrimony: Responses from Men | Page 8

What do's that Man deserve? to whom his Fate; Has given an ample
Stock or an Estate? (That has, perhaps, besides a tender Wife; Yet into
Riot and Excess do's fall, And in debauchery consumes it all? And to
his Sure Destruction makes such hast; He do's in Body, with his
Substance waste: Lives till he want what he had misemply'd And is like
one that God had curs'd, Destroy'd.
The Fourteenth Pleasure of a Town Life.
But say that this a Constitution has, Firm and unshaken as a pile of
Brass Yet who'd Endure the Palsies, aching Heads? The pains, the
Qualms, that nightly Drinking breeds? Perpetual disorder draggs him
on, Business Neglected, and himself Undone, A Wretched Life he
spends till threescore Years, And then the Fruits of Drunkeness
appears.

The Fifteenth Pleasure of a Town Life.
Satyr and couculde--and sum the Evils up, Shew the great wonder how
the Land shou'd 'scape, From Fires, Famines, Pestilence and Rage, To
crush so vile, so proffligate an Age? For let the Church be Empty as it
will, You'll see the Play-house, and the Taverns fill: Whole Afternoons,
whole Nights they'll Squander there, Yet can't Spare one poor Minute
on't for Pray'r, This is the Sum of a Licentious Town, Where Lewdness
is into Example grown.
FINIS.
* * * * *
THE Fifteen Comforts OF Cuckoldom.
Written by a noted Cuckold in the New-Exchange in the Strand.
Printed in the Year 1706.

To the Reader.
The Town being diverted of late with a great many Comforts, several of
the Gentlemen and others of the cornuted Society belonging to
Horn-Fair not thinking those Comforts compleat without them of
Cuckoldom, they requested me to undertake the Performance thereof,
as having had some experience for many Years in Wives cokesing their
Husbands in the very Moment they design'd to put a pair of Antlers on
their Heads for fear of being gor'd by their Neighbours; whilst other
good Wives are as often Picking their Husband's Pockets to pay now
and then for a By-Blow: I have experienced those kind Wives too who
are commonly upon the religious Point of going to Lectures when alas
they had no other Business at Church than to meet their Gallants, who
presently coaches 'em, because they dearly love Jilting. But for Brevity
passing the several Dispositions of Men's Wives, as such as are
Melancholly many Times for a Delay or Defeat, whilst others are
preparing to make their Markets at the Play-house or Spring-Garden;

or else to the Bath, when Bathing is the least part of their Errand, I
shall draw to the Comforts which we enjoy by our Wives good Nature
to others, which to their Fancies is sweet as Muskadine and Eggs.

The Fifteen Comforts, &c.
The first Comfort of Cuckoldom.
As I last Night in Bed lay Snoring, I sweetly dreamt of Drinking and of
Whoring, Which waking me from a most pleasant Sleep, To my dear
Wife I very close did creep, And offering to give her what I shou'd,
Quoth she, you Fumbler you can do no good, Give me the Man that
never claps his Wings, But always Life and Courage with him brings,
'Tis such an one wou'd please; but as for you If Night and Morning
some small matter do; You think you've done your due Benevolence,
When I with thrice your Labour can dispence. This Reprimand my
Courage soon did cool, And fearing Combing with a
Three-Legg'd-Stool; I very fairly went to sleep again, And left her of
my Manhood to complain.
The Second Comfort of Cuckoldom.
No sooner had I chang'd my single Life, And had confin'd my Carcass
to a Wife; But she was always Gadding up and down, To take the
various Pleasures of the Town; Howe're I only reckon'd this to be, The
airy Frisks of her Minority, Till shortly finding and old Hag wou'd pay
Her Visits oft, and take her Day by Day [*?]oad, indeed this gave me
some Mistrust, That this old weather beaten Devil must Be some
Procurer, and resolv'd to watch Their Waters, where shoul'd I the
Bitches catch, But in a Bowdy-house in Milford-lane? So going in a
Passion home again, At twelve at Night my Doxie likewise came,
Whom I in mod'rate Terms began to blame; Telling her that old Witch
with whom she went, Abroad a Days by Rogues was only sent About to
Wheedle young and tender Maids To Ruine, till they turned common
Jades. You Lie, reply'd my hopeful graceless Dear, I'll have you know,
I'll never sin in fear, Besides for she of whom you think, Amiss, That

sweet obliging Gentlewoman is A tender-hearted Bawd that ne'er made
Whore, But ever us'd such as were broke before. Now finding her so
bad at