The False Nun | Page 6

well, and I had taken the bait as he
wished. There was nothing left for me but to put a good face on the
matter, not only so as not to shew myself a very silly being, but also in
order not to prove myself shamefully ungrateful towards a man who
had granted me unheard-of privileges. Nevertheless, the consequence
of it all was likely to be some coolness in my feelings towards both my
mistresses. M---- M---- had become conscious of this after she had
returned to the convent, and wishing to screen herself from all
responsibility she had lost no time in writing to me that she would
cause the projected supper to be abandoned, in case I should disapprove
of it, but she knew very well that I would not accept her offer. Self-love
is a stronger passion even than jealousy; it does not allow a man who
has some pretension to wit to shew himself jealous, particularly
towards a person who is not tainted by that base passion, and has
proved it.
The next day, having gone early to the casino, I found the ambassador
already there, and he welcomed me in the most friendly manner. He
told me that, if he had known me in Paris he would have introduced me
at the court, where I should certainly have made my fortune. Now,
when I think of that, I say to myself, "That might have been the case,
but of what good would it have been to me?" Perhaps I should have
fallen a victim of the Revolution, like so many others. M. de Bernis
himself would have been one of those victims if Fate had not allowed
him to die in Rome in 1794. He died there unhappy, although wealthy,
unless his feelings had undergone a complete change before his death,
and I do not believe it.
I asked him whether he liked Venice, and he answered that he could not
do otherwise than like that city, in which he enjoyed excellent health,
and in which, with plenty of money, life could be enjoyed better than
anywhere else.
"But I do not expect," he added, "to be allowed to keep this embassy

very long. Be kind enough to let that remain between us. I do not wish
to make M---- M----- unhappy."
We were conversing in all confidence when M---- M---- arrived with
her young friend, who showed her surprise at seeing another man with
me, but I encouraged her by the most tender welcome; and she
recovered all her composure when she saw the delight of the stranger at
being answered by her in good French. It gave us both an opportunity
of paying the warmest compliments to the mistress who had taught her
so well.
C---- C---- was truly charming; her looks, bright and modest at the
same time, seemed to say to me, "You must belong to me:" I wished to
see her shine before our friends; and I contrived to conquer a cowardly
feeling of jealousy which, in spite of myself, was beginning to get hold
of me. I took care to make her talk on such subjects as I knew to be
familiar to her. I developed her natural intelligence, and had the
satisfaction of seeing her admired.
Applauded, flattered, animated by the satisfaction she could read in my
eyes, C---- C---- appeared a prodigy to M. de Bernis, and, oh! what a
contradiction of the human heart! I was pleased, yet I trembled lest he
should fall in love with her! What an enigma! I was intent myself upon
a work which would have caused me to murder any man who dared to
undertake it.
During the supper, which was worthy of a king, the ambassador treated
C---- C---- with the most delicate attentions. Wit, cheerfulness, decent
manners, attended our delightful party, and did not expel the gaiety and
the merry jests with which a Frenchman knows how to season every
conversation.
An observing critic who, without being acquainted with us, wished to
guess whether love was present at our happy party, might have
suspected, perhaps, but he certainly could not have affirmed, that it was
there. M---- M---- treated the ambassador as a friend. She shewed no
other feeling towards me than that of deep esteem, and she behaved to
C---- C---- with the tender affection of a sister. M. de Bernis was kind,

polite, and amiable with M---- M-----, but he never ceased to take the
greatest interest in every word uttered by C---- C----, who played her
part to perfection, because she had only to follow her own nature, and,
that nature being beautiful, C---- C---- could not fail to be most
charming.
We had passed five delightful hours, and the ambassador seemed more
pleased even than any