The Essays, vol 17 | Page 9

those dusty writings? or, which is worse, those of another
man, as so many do nowadays, to get money? I grudge nothing but care
and trouble, and endeavour nothing so much, as to be careless and at
ease. I had been much fitter, I believe, could it have been without
obligation and servitude, to have lived upon another man's fortune than
my own: and, indeed, I do not know, when I examine it nearer, whether,
according to my humour, what I have to suffer from my affairs and
servants, has not in it something more abject, troublesome, and
tormenting than there would be in serving a man better born than
myself, who would govern me with a gentle rein, and a little at my own
case:

"Servitus obedientia est fracti animi et abjecti, arbitrio carentis suo."
["Servitude is the obedience of a subdued and abject mind, wanting its
own free will."--Cicero, Paradox, V. I.]
Crates did worse, who threw himself into the liberty of poverty, only to
rid himself of the inconveniences and cares of his house. This is what I
would not do; I hate poverty equally with pain; but I could be content
to change the kind of life I live for another that was humbler and less
chargeable.
When absent from home, I divest myself of all these thoughts, and
should be less concerned for the ruin of a tower, than I am, when
present, at the fall of a tile. My mind is easily composed at distance, but
suffers as much as that of the meanest peasant when I am at home; the
reins of my bridle being wrongly put on, or a strap flapping against my
leg, will keep me out of humour a day together. I raise my courage,
well enough against inconveniences: lift up my eyes I cannot:
"Sensus, o superi, sensus."
["The senses, O ye gods, the senses."]
I am at home responsible for whatever goes amiss. Few masters (I
speak of those of medium condition such as mine), and if there be any
such, they are more happy, can rely so much upon another, but that the
greatest part of the burden will lie upon their own shoulders. This takes
much from my grace in entertaining visitors, so that I have,
peradventure, detained some rather out of expectation of a good dinner,
than by my own behaviour; and lose much of the pleasure I ought to
reap at my own house from the visitation and assembling of my friends.
The most ridiculous carriage of a gentleman in his own house, is to see
him bustling about the business of the place, whispering one servant,
and looking an angry look at another: it ought insensibly to slide along,
and to represent an ordinary current; and I think it unhandsome to talk
much to our guests of their entertainment, whether by way of bragging
or excuse. I love order and cleanliness--

"Et cantharus et lanx Ostendunt mihi me"--
["The dishes and the glasses shew me my own reflection." --Horace,
Ep., i. 5, 23]
more than abundance; and at home have an exact regard to necessity,
little to outward show. If a footman falls to cuffs at another man's house,
or stumble and throw a dish before him as he is carrying it up, you only
laugh and make a jest on't; you sleep whilst the master of the house is
arranging a bill of fare with his steward for your morrow's
entertainment. I speak according as I do myself; quite appreciating,
nevertheless, good husbandry in general, and how pleasant quiet and
prosperous household management, carried regularly on, is to some
natures; and not wishing to fasten my own errors and inconveniences to
the thing; nor to give Plato the lie, who looks upon it as the most
pleasant employment to every one to do his particular affairs without
wrong to another.
When I travel I have nothing to care for but myself, and the laying out
my money; which is disposed of by one single precept; too many things
are required to the raking it together; in that I understand nothing; in
spending, I understand a little, and how to give some show to my
expense, which is indeed its principal use; but I rely too ambitiously
upon it, which renders it unequal and difform, and, moreover,
immoderate in both the one and the other aspect; if it makes a show, if
it serve the turn, I indiscreetly let it run; and as indiscreetly tie up my
purse-strings, if it does not shine, and does not please me. Whatever it
be, whether art or nature, that imprints in us the condition of living by
reference to others, it does us much more harm than good; we deprive
ourselves of our own utilities, to accommodate appearances