The Elevator | Page 6

"Or my son."
LAWTON: "My voice is for Mrs. Roberts's brother. I've given up all hopes of my daughter."
ROBERTS, without: "Oh, Curwen! Glad to see you! Thought you were my wife's aunt."
LAWTON, at a suppressed sigh from MRS. ROBERTS: "It's one of his jokes, Mrs. Roberts. Of course it's your aunt."
MRS. ROBERTS, through her set teeth, smilingly: "Oh, if it IS, I'll make him suffer for it."
MR. CURWEN, without: "No, I hated to wait, so I walked up."
LAWTON: "It is Mr. Curwen, after all, Mrs. Roberts. Now let me see how a lady transmutes a frown of threatened vengeance into a smile of society welcome."
MRS. ROBERTS: "Well, look!" To MR. CURWEN, who enters, followed by her husband: "Ah, Mr. Curwen! So glad to see you. You know all our friends here--Mrs. Miller, Dr. Lawton, and Mr. Bemis?"
CURWEN, smiling and bowing, and shaking hands right and left: "Very glad--very happy--pleased to know you."
MRS. ROBERTS, behind her fan to Dr. Lawton: "Didn't I do it beautifully?"
LAWTON, behind his hand: "Wonderfully! And so unconscious of the fact that he hasn't his wife with him."
MRS. ROBERTS, in great astonishment, to Mr. Curwen: "Where in the world is Mrs. Curwen?"
CURWEN: "Oh--oh--she'll be here. I thought she was here. She started from home with two right-hand gloves, and I had to go back for a left, and I--I suppose--Good heavens!" pulling the glove out of his pocket. "I ought to have sent it to her in the ladies' dressing-room." He remains with the glove held up before him, in spectacular stupefaction.
LAWTON: "Only imagine what Mrs. Curwen would be saying of you if she were in the dressing-room."
ROBERTS: "Mr. Curwen felt so sure she was there that he wouldn't wait to take the elevator, and walked up." Another ring is heard. "Shall I go and meet your aunt NOW, my dear?"
MRS. ROBERTS: "No, indeed! She may come in now with all the formality she chooses, and I will receive her excuses in state." She waves her fan softly to and fro, concealing a murmur of trepidation under an indignant air, till the portiere opens, and MR. WILLIS CAMPBELL enters. Then MRS. ROBERTS breaks in nervous agitation "Why, Willis! Where's Aunt Mary?"
MRS. MILLER: "And Mr. Miller?"
CURWEN: "And Mrs. Curwen?"
LAWTON: "And my daughter?"
BEMIS: "And my son?"
MR. CAMPBELL, looking tranquilly round on the faces of his interrogators: "Is it a conundrum?"
MRS. ROBERTS, mingling a real distress with an effort of mock-heroic solemnity: "It is a tragedy! O Willis dear! it's what you see--what you hear; a niece without an aunt, a wife without a husband, a father without a son, and another father without a daughter."
ROBERTS: "And a dinner getting cold, and a cook getting hot."
LAWTON: "And you are expected to account for the whole situation."
CAMPBELL: "Oh, I understand! I don't know what your little game is, Agnes, but I can wait and see. I'M not hungry."
MRS. ROBERTS: "Willis, do you think I would try and play a trick on you, if I could?"
CAMPBELL: "I think you can't. Come, now, Agnes! It's a failure. Own up, and bring the rest of the company out of the next room. I suppose almost anything is allowable at this festive season, but this is pretty feeble."
MRS. ROBERTS: "Indeed, indeed, they are not there."
CAMPBELL: "Where are they, then?"
ALL: "That's what we don't know."
CAMPBELL: "Oh, come, now! that's a little too thin. You don't know where ANY of all these blood-relations and connections by marriage are? Well, search me!"
MRS. ROBERTS, in open distress: "Oh, I'm sure something must have happened to Aunt Mary!"
MRS. MILLER: "I can't understand what Ellery C. Miller means."
LAWTON, with a simulated sternness: "I hope you haven't let that son of yours run away with my daughter, Bemis?"
BEMIS: "I'm afraid he's come to a pass where he wouldn't ask MY leave."
CURWEN, re-assuring himself: "Ah, she's all right, of course. I know that" -
BEMIS: "Miss Lawton?"
CURWEN: "No, no--Mrs. Curwen."
CAMPBELL: "Is it a true bill, Agnes?"
MRS. ROBERTS: "Indeed it is, Willis. We've been expecting her for an hour--of course she always comes early--and I'm afraid she's been taken ill suddenly."
ROBERTS: "Oh, I don't think it's that, my dear."
MRS. ROBERTS: "Oh, of course you never think anything's wrong, Edward. My whole family might die, and"--MRS. ROBERTS restrains herself, and turns to MR. CAMPBELL, with hysterical cheerfulness: "Who came up in the elevator with you?"
CAMPBELL: "Me? I didn't come in the elevator. I had my usual luck. The elevator was up somewhere, and after I'd pressed the annunciator button till my thumb ached, I watched my chance and walked up."
MRS. ROBERTS: "Where was the janitor?"
CAMPBELL: "Where the janitor always is--nowhere."
LAWTON: "Eating his Christmas dinner, probably."
MRS. ROBERTS, partially abandoning and then recovering herself: "Yes, it's perfectly spoiled! Well, friends, I think we'd better go to dinner--that's the only way to bring them. I'll go out and interview the