The Definite Object

The Definite Object

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Title: The Definite Object A Romance of New York
Author: Jeffery Farnol

Release Date: June 15, 2005 [eBook #16074]
Language: English
Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
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DEFINITE OBJECT***
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THE DEFINITE OBJECT
A Romance of New York
by
JEFFERY FARNOL
Author of The Broad Highway, The Amateur Gentleman, The
Honourable Mr. Tawnish, Beltane the Smith
1917

CHAPTER
I Which Describes, among Other Things, a Pair of Whiskers II Of a

Mournful Millionaire Who Lacked an Object III How Geoffrey
Ravenslee Went Seeking an Object IV Telling How He Came to Hell's
Kitchen at Peep o' Day V How Mrs. Trapes Acquired a New Lodger,
Despite her Elbows VI How Spike Initiated Mr. Ravenslee into the
Gentle Art of Shopping VII Concerning Ankles, Stairs, and
Neighbourliness VIII Of Candies and Confidences IX Which Recounts
the End of an Episode X Tells How Mr. Ravenslee Went into Trade XI
Antagonism is Born and War Declared XII Containing Some
Description of a Supper Party XIII Wherein may be Found Some
Particulars of the Beautiful City of Perhaps XIV Of a Text, a Letter,
and a Song XV Which Introduces Joe and the Old Un XVI Of the First
and Second Persons, Singular Number XVII How Geoffrey Ravenslee
Made a Deal in Real Estate XVIII How Spike Hearkened to Poisonous
Suggestion and Soapy Began to Wonder XIX In which the Poison
Begins to Work XX Of an Expedition by Night XXI How M'Ginnis
Threatened and--Went XXII Tells of an Early Morning Visit and a
Warning XXIII Chiefly Concerning a Letter XXIV How the Old Un
and Certain Others had Tea XXV How Spike Made a Choice and a
Promise XXVI Which Makes Further Mention of a Ring XXVII Mrs.
Trapes Upon the Millennium XXVIII Which should have Related
Details of a Wedding XXIX In which Hermione Makes a Fateful
Decision XXX How Geoffrey Ravenslee Departed from Hell's Kitchen
XXXI In which Soapy Takes a Hand XXXII Of Harmony and Discord
XXXIII Of Tragedy XXXIV Of Remorse XXXV How Geoffrey
Ravenslee Came Out of the Dark XXXVI Concerning a Clew XXXVII
The Woes of Mr. Brimberly XXXVIII In which Soapy Takes upon
Himself a New Role XXXIX The Old Un Advises and Ravenslee Acts
XL Concerning a Handful of Pebbles XLI Of a Packet of Letters XLII
Tells How Ravenslee Broke his Word and Why XLIII How Spike Got
Even XLIV Retribution XLV Of the Old Un and Fate XLVI In which
Geoffrey Ravenslee Obtains his Object

CHAPTER I
WHICH DESCRIBES, AMONG OTHER THINGS, A PAIR OF
WHISKERS

In the writing of books, as all the world knows, two things are above all
other things essential--the one is to know exactly when and where to
leave off, and the other to be equally certain when and where to begin.
Now this book, naturally enough, begins with Mr. Brimberly's whiskers;
begins at that moment when he coughed and pulled down his waistcoat
for the first time. And yet (since action is as necessary to the success of
a book as to life itself) it should perhaps begin more properly at the
psychological moment when Mr. Brimberly coughed and pulled down
the garment aforesaid for the third time, since it is then that the real
action of this story commences.
Be that as it may, it is beyond all question that nowhere in this wide
world could there possibly be found just such another pair of whiskers
as those which adorned the plump cheeks of Mr. Brimberly; without
them he might have been only an ordinary man, but, possessing them,
he was the very incarnation of all that a butler could possibly be.
And what whiskers these were! So soft, so fleecy, so purely white, that
at times they almost seemed like the wings of cherubim, striving to soar
away and bear Mr. Brimberly into a higher and purer sphere. Again,
what Protean whiskers were these, whose fleecy pomposity could
overawe the most superior young footmen and reduce page-boys,
tradesmen, and the lower orders generally, to a state of perspiring
humility; to his equals how calmly aloof, how blandly dignified; and to
those a misguided fate had set above him, how demurely deferential,
how obligingly obsequious! Indeed, Mr. Brimberly's whiskers were all
things to all men, and therein lay their potency.
Mr. Brimberly then, pompous,