The Countess of Escarbagnas | Page 5

you can descend to Mr. Thibaudier, a councillor, and Mr. Harpin, a collector of taxes? The fall is great, I must say. For your viscount, although nothing but a country viscount, is still a viscount, and can take a journey to Paris if he has not been there already. But a councillor and a tax-gatherer are but poor lovers for a great countess like you.
COUN. They are men whom one treats kindly in the country, in order to make use of when the need arises. They serve to fill up the gaps of gallantry, and to swell the ranks of one's lovers. It is a good thing not to leave a lover the sole master of one's heart, lest, for want of rivals, his love go to sleep through over-confidence.
JU. I confess, Madam, that no one can help profiting wonderfully by all you say. Your conversation is a school, to which I do not fail to come every day in order to learn something new.

SCENE XII.--THE COUNTESS, JULIA, ANDR��E, CRIQUET.
CRI. (to the COUNTESS). Here is Jeannot, Mr. Thibaudier's man, who wants to see you, Ma'am.
COUN. Ah! you little wretch, this is another of your stupidities. A well-bred lackey would have spoken in a whisper to the gentlewoman in attendance; the latter would have come to her mistress and have whispered in her ear: "Here is the footman of Mr. So-and-so, who wants to speak to you, Madam." To which the mistress would have answered, "Show him in."

SCENE XIII.--THE COUNTESS, JULIA, ANDR��E, CRIQUET, JEANNOT.
CRI. Come along in, Jeannot.
COUN. Another blunder. (To JEANNOT) What do you want, page? What have you there?
JEAN. It is Mr. Thibaudier, Ma'am, who wishes you good morning, and, before he comes, sends you some pears out of his garden, with this small note.

SCENE XIV.--THE COUNTESS, CRIQUET, JEANNOT.
COUN. (giving some money to JEANNOT). Here, my boy; here is something for your trouble.
JEAN. Oh no, thank you, Ma'am.
COUN. Take it, I say.
JEAN. My master told me not take anything from you Ma'am.
COUN. Never mind, take it all the same.
JEAN. Excuse me, Ma'am.
CRI. Take it, Jeannot. If you don't want it, you can give it me.
COUN. Tell your master that I thank him.
CRI. (to JEANNOT, _who is going_). Give it to me, Jeannot.
JEA. Yes, you catch me.
CRI. It was I who made you take it.
JEA. I should have taken it without your help.
COUN. What pleases me in this Mr. Thibaudier is that he knows how to behave with people of my quality, and that he is very respectful.

SCENE XV.--THE VISCOUNT, THE COUNTESS, JULIA, CRIQUET.
VISC. I come to tell you, Madam, that the theatricals will soon be ready, and that we can go into the hall in a quarter of an hour.
COUN. Mind, I will have no crowd after me. (To CRIQUET) Tell the porter not to let anybody come in.
VISC. If so, Madam, I give up our theatricals. I could take no interest in them unless the spectators are numerous. Believe me, if you want to enjoy it thoroughly, tell your people to let the whole town in.
COUN. Page, a seat. (To the VISCOUNT, _after he is seated_) You have come just in time to accept a self-sacrifice I am willing to make to you. Look, I have here a note from Mr. Thibaudier, who sends me some pears. I give you leave to read it aloud; I have not opened it yet.
VISC. (_after he has read the note to himself_). This note is written in the most fashionable style, Madam, and is worthy of all your attention. (_Reads aloud_) "Madam, I could not have made you the present I send you if my garden did not bring me more fruit than my love...."
COUN. You see clearly by this that nothing has taken place between us.
VISC. "The pears are not quite ripe yet, but they will all the better match the hardness of your heart, the continued disdain of which promises me nothing soft and sweet. Allow me, Madam, without risking an enumeration of your charms, which would be endless, to conclude with begging you to consider that I am as good a Christian as the pears which I send you, [Footnote: They were pears 'de bon chr��tien.' 'Choke-pears' renders rather weakly the _poires d'angoisse_ of Mr. Thibaudier.] for I render good for evil; which is to say, to explain myself more plainly, that I present you with good Christian pears in return for the choke-pears which your cruelty makes me swallow every day. Your unworthy slave, THIBAUDIER."
Madam, this letter is worth keeping.
COUN. There may be a few words in it that are not of the Academy, but I observe in it a certain respect which pleases me greatly.
JU. You are right, Madam, and even if the viscount were to take it amiss, I should love a man who would