The Continental Monthly, Vol. I. February, 1862, No. II. | Page 7

of seeing the postmaster's eyes
dilate inquiringly, so that I felt called upon to say:--
'I am a stranger, sir, in Sidon, at present, but I hope to enjoy the honor
of making the acquaintance of a large number of your intelligent
citizens during my brief stay with you. I propose lecturing in this
village to-morrow evening, on a historical, or perhaps I should say
biographical, subject.'
The postmaster, who appeared like an intelligent gentleman, said he
was glad to see me, and glad to hear I was going to lecture; and he
shook hands with me cordially. The store contained about half the adult
population of the village, lounging about the warm stove, talking and

dozing; and the postmaster introduced me to Squire Johnson, and Dr.
Tomson, and Mr. Dickson, and Mr. Dobson and Mr. Potkins, who, five,
constituted the upper ten of Sidon. With these gentlemen I held a very
entertaining conversation, during which I remember I was struck with
the extreme deference paid to my opinion, and the extreme contempt
manifested for the opinions of each other. They all agreed, however,
that my visit would be likely to prove of the greatest importance to
Sidon in a literary and educational point of view.
I returned to the hotel, and retired with heart elate.
In the morning, it was with emotions of a peculiarly pleasurable nature
that I observed, profusely plastered on posts and fences, the
announcement, in goodly capitals:--
LECTURE!!
* * * * *
PROF. G.D. BROWN,
OF NEW YORK CITY,
WILL LECTURE THIS EVENING, DECEMBER 14,
IN JONES'S HALL, SIDON,
AT 7 O'CLOCK.
* * * * *
SUBJECT: 'EURIPIDES, THE ATHENIAN POET.'
* * * * *
ADMISSION 15 CENTS. DOORS OPEN AT 6 O'CLOCK.
The critical reader may experience a desire to propound to me a
question:--'Professor of what?'

Now I profess honesty, as an abstract principle--being, perhaps the
conscientious reader will think, more of a professor than a practicer
herein. But the truth is, in the present mendicant state of the word
'Professor,' I conceived I had a perfect right and title to it, by virtue of
my poverty, and so appropriated it for the behoof and advantage of
Number One. Which explanation, it is hoped, will do.
Friday passed in cultivating still farther the acquaintance of the
previous evening, and receiving the most cordial assurances of interest
on their part in my visit and its object. I was candidly (and I thought
kindly) informed by my good friends, not to get my expectations too
high, as a very large house could scarcely, they feared, be expected; but
I deemed an audience of even no more than fifty or seventy-five a fair
beginning,--a very fair beginning,--and had no fears.
I retired to my room at five o'clock, and remained locked in, with my
lecture before me, oblivious of all external affairs, until a few minutes
past seven, when I concluded my audience had gathered. I then
smoothed my hair, adjusted my spectacles, took my MS. in my hand,
and proceeded to the lecture-room. The doorkeeper was fast asleep, and
the long wicks of the tallow candles were flaring wildly and dimly on a
scene of emptiness. Not an auditor was present!
I descended to the bar-room. It was full of loungers, smoking, dozing,
and drinking. Without entering, I hastened across the way to the
post-office. There was the courteous postmaster, engaged in a sleepy
talk with Squire Johnson and Dr. Tomson and Mr. Dickson and Mr.
Dobson and Mr. Potkins, who sat precisely as they sat the evening
previous.
I returned to the hotel and called out the landlord.
'There's no audience, I perceive,' said I.
'Wal, I didn't cal'late much of anybody'd go in. They gen'ally go over to
Tyre when they want shows. Tyre's quite a town. You'd do better over
thar; 's on'y seven mile over to Tyre.'

I explained my position to the landlord at once, and threw myself on his
mercy. I told him I had no money, but would walk over to Tyre that
very evening, rather than task his hospitality longer. After making a
little money in Tyre, I would return to Sidon and settle his little bill. To
which the generous-hearted fellow responded,--
'Yas, I think likely; but ye see I'm some on gettin' my pay outen these
show chaps that go round. I reckon that thar satchel o' yourn's got the
wuth o' my bill in it. I'll hold on to it till ye git back, ye know.'
Remonstrance was in vain. I found that my sharp landlord had entered
my room while I was looking in at the post-office door, and had taken
my carpet-bag, with everything I had, even my overcoat, and stowed all
in a cupboard under the bar, under lock and key.