The Consolidator | Page 7

very Original Effusion of that fatal thing call'd Wit.
Nor is the Discovery less wonderful than edifying, and no humane Art
on our side the World ever found out such a Sympathetick Influence,
between the Extreams of Wit and Folly, till this great Lunarian
Naturalist furnisht us with such unheard-of Demonstrations.
Nor is this all I learnt from him, tho' I cannot part with this, till I have
publisht a Memento Mori, and told 'em what I had discovered of Nature
in these remote Parts of the World, from whence I take the Freedom to
tell these Gentlemen, That if they please to Travel to these distant Parts,
and examine this great Master of Nature's Secrets, they may every Man
see what cross Strokes Nature has struck, to finish and form every
extravagant Species of that Heterogenious Kind we call Wit.
There C--- S--- may be inform'd how he comes to be very Witty, and a
Mad-man all at once; and P---r may see, That with less Brains and
more P--x he is more a Wit and more a Mad-man than the Coll.
Ad---son may tell his Master my Lord ---- the reason from Nature, why
he would not take the Court's Word, nor write the Poem call'd, The
Campaign, till he had 200 l. per Annum secur'd to him; since 'tis known
they have but one Author in the Nation that writes for 'em for nothing,
and he is labouring very hard to obtain the Title of Blockhead, and not
be paid for it: Here D. might understand, how he came to be able to
banter all Mankind, and yet all Mankind be able to banter him; at the
fame time our numerous throng of Parnassians may see Reasons for the
variety of the Negative and Positive Blessings they enjoy; some for
having Wit and no Verse, some Verse and no Wit, some Mirth without
Jest, some Jest without Fore-cast, some Rhyme and no Jingle, some all
Jingle and no Rhyme, some Language without measure; some all
Quantity and no Cudence, some all Wit and no Sence, some all Sence
and no Flame, some Preach in Rhyme, some sing when they Preach,

some all Song and no Tune, some all Tune and no Song; all these
Unaccountables have their Originals, and can be answer'd for in
unerring Nature, tho' in our out-side Guesses we can say little to it.
Here is to be seen, why some are all Nature, some all Art; some beat
Verse out of the Twenty-four rough Letters, with Ten Hammers and
Anvils to every Line, and maul the Language as a Swede beats
Stock-Fish; Others buff Nature, and bully her out of whole Stanza's of
ready-made Lines at a time, carry all before them, and rumble like
distant Thunder in a black Cloud: Thus Degrees and Capacities are
fitted by Nature, according to Organick Efficacy; and the Reason and
Nature of Things are found in themselves: Had D---y seen his own
Draft by this Light of Chinese Knowledge, he might have known he
should be a Coxcomb without writing Twenty-two Plays, to stand as so
many Records against him. Dryden might have told his Fate, that
having his extraordinary Genius flung and pitcht upon a Swivle, it
would certainly turn round as fast as the Times, and instruct him how to
write Elegies to O. C. and King C. the Second, with all the Coherence
imaginable; how to write Religio Laicy, and the Hind and Panther, and
yet be the same Man, every Day to change his Principle, change his
Religion, change his Coat, change his Master, and yet never change his
Nature.
There are abundance of other Secrets in Nature discover'd in relation to
these things, too many to repeat, and yet too useful to omit, as the
reason why Phisicians are generally Atheists; and why Atheists are
universally Fools, and generally live to know it themselves, the real
Obstructions, which prevent fools being mad, all the Natural Causes of
Love, abundance of Demonstrations of the Synonimous Nature of Love
and Leachery, especially consider'd a la Modern, with an absolute
Specifick for the Frenzy of Love, found out in the Constitution,
Anglice, a Halter.
It would be endless to reckon up the numerous Improvements, and
wonderful Discoveries this extraordinary Person has brought down, and
which are to be seen in his curious Chamber of Rarities.
Particularly, a Map of Parnassus, with an exact Delineation of all the

Cells, Apartments, Palaces and Dungeons, of that most famous
Mountain; with a Description of its Heighth, and a learned Dissertation,
proving it to be the properest Place next to the P---e House to take a
Rise at, for a flight to the World in the Moon.
Also some Enquiries, whether Noah's Ark did not first rest upon it; and